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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

534 replies

Pinkco · 03/07/2021 19:23

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

OP posts:
Prokupatuscrakedatus · 03/07/2021 20:23

Im am almost 60 and my DC are 18 and 20 - nothing unusual about it.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 03/07/2021 20:23

@Arsebucket

And I doubt they climbed the Great Wall of China, trekked Machu Picchu, camped in remote lands that most people haven't even heard of under a million stars, island hopped in Thailand and the rest of South East Asia etc with a baby and nappies, bottles etc stuck to their backs

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

We Didn’t do South America, but I spent 2 and a bit years backpacking the world with ds when he was little and I was in my mid-late 20s. Met many other young (and older) parents travelling with their children along the way too. Lots of people do it. I wasn’t rich or privileged either.

Sounds like a bit of a drag (if you did it) and definitely not an experience you could live to the full as you could if you were a young 20 something out living and experiencing your travels to the max, but each to their own, whether someone has kids young or old!
museumum · 03/07/2021 20:24

My dh will be same and I won’t lie it does worry us slightly that we could be stretching ourselves supporting dc at university instead of getting our financials in order for retirement.

AuditAngel · 03/07/2021 20:25

I will be too. Currently 52 and DD2 is 10

Arsebucket · 03/07/2021 20:25

@AwaAnBileYerHeid well it was my experience. And it wasn’t a drag, me and ex h (and ds) had a blast.

Cleverpolly3 · 03/07/2021 20:25

Just live the best life you can with the hand you are dealt / want to play if you’re lucky and hopefully be happy.

There is so much that can go wrong but I will never regret my children regardless of the age I was when they were born. There are pros and cons to everything.

What is a normal life? I have no idea.

Looubylou · 03/07/2021 20:25

I'll be 60 when my child is 18. I do worry what my health and fitness will be like, it has deteriorated a lot since they was born 10 years ago. I also would feel a lot better if they were not an only child. I did not imagine feeling like this as a fit young 42. Dad will be 65. Aunts and uncles will be late 60s-early 70's. Has had only one grandparent who is confused and not likely to live that long. I know another child whose mother was 60 when she turned 18, she died soon after and her father was already dead. She is only child. So I can see where people are coming from. However, it's a personal choice, everyone's life is unique and huge congratulations if you are already pregnant.

notanothertakeaway · 03/07/2021 20:26

There are plenty of advantages of being a younger or older parent. It's a bit disingenuous to pretend otherwise. I am an older parent myself. Given the choice, I would have preferred to have a family when I was younger, but it is what it is

Original poster
Pinkco · 03/07/2021 20:26

Must admit I’m not worrying about retirement or funding university.

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 03/07/2021 20:27

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.
Maybe not for you but it was a non issue for me, not every teenager or menopause is difficult you know.
Original poster
Pinkco · 03/07/2021 20:27

I don’t know notanother I think it’s all worked out just fine tbh. I can’t honestly say I would have wanted it any different.

OP posts:
SpeedRunParent · 03/07/2021 20:28

@emilyfrost

Because it’s exceptionally hard on the child to have much older parents, particularly when they’re in their early twenties and really need guidance rather than having to look after their parents who are in a totally different life phase. And of course they won’t have you for as long.

It also means you’re likely to not fully see your grandchildren grow up.

? Why wouldn't an early 60's parent be able to guide a twenty something? What an odd thing to say. The very idea that parents become a burden on their children in their sixties and have no relevant life experience to offer advice is ludicrous.
PotassiumChloride · 03/07/2021 20:28

Some people have a cosy little idea of what should happen, in what order and when. Anything that they deem to be outside of that is viewed as a threat or “wrong”. Don’t listen to them. And congratulations.

RealHousewifeofBarnardCastle · 03/07/2021 20:29

Well you can choose to care or not care but, like it or not, the optimum age for childbearing is 23-35. Medically. 42 is old in baby having terms.

And NFW would I want an 18YO at 60, they’re exhausting. 60 is the time to slow down, relax a bit, do what you want. Not a time to be wrestling with university applications, teen mental health and everything else that comes with young adults (who are a lot of work)

RealHousewifeofBarnardCastle · 03/07/2021 20:31

And you can’t change what has happened, of course not. But you can consider that it might not be optimal.

Clymene · 03/07/2021 20:31

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.
On that basis, women shouldn't have children after they're about 34, given most women start the menopause in their late 40s. By the time the OP's child is a teenager, she should be on the other side of it
RealHousewifeofBarnardCastle · 03/07/2021 20:31

@Pinkco

Must admit I’m not worrying about retirement or funding university.
Er why not? It’s expensive putting a child through university.
2old2beamum · 03/07/2021 20:32

No laughing you young whippersnappers I am 78 😚(Thursday) our youngest will be 16 in a couple of weeks, yes she is adopted and has complex health needs and yes it is hard work as her needs are great but l think she keeps us going. I asked her what she thought and she blew a raspberry !

usernameXYZ · 03/07/2021 20:32

Me and DH have said we want another in about 5/6 years. Il be 30 he will be 45
This was his concern to that he would be 64, his oldest son will be 44 when the youngest would be 20!! Crazy but she doesn't really matter. If your happy fit and healthy what is the problem!

FindingMeno · 03/07/2021 20:33

60 isn't old at all so I don't get the issue.
You'll still have a good few years as part of the workforce.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 03/07/2021 20:33

So, my dad died at 42 when I was 16, so even having children at a, 'young' age is not a guarantee of anything.

Boomisshiss · 03/07/2021 20:33

I know a lady had her daughter at 49 so she will be 67 when she is 18. The little girl is still in primary and she retired at 55 . Has more time with her than any other parent I know .

medebourne · 03/07/2021 20:34

When my first child was 18 I was 38
When my second child was 18 I was 40
When my third child was 18 I was 59
When my fourth child was 18 I was 61

No difference at all in how I felt during pregnancy or their early years.

No difference now that I have teenagers in my 60s. None at all. I feel just as fit as I did when I had teenagers in my 40s and I honestly don't think i look or behave differently to other parents.

Ragwort · 03/07/2021 20:34

Ignore the rude comments, people will always have an opinion whatever age you have your DC ... what is the 'acceptable' age ... is it 28-32 ? Confused

I had my DS at 43, I am 63 now with a 20 year old ... it's all worked out well for my family.

NecklessMumster · 03/07/2021 20:34

I'm 60 and DS's are 19 and 20. I don't find it hard. I don't really give it a second thought now, it's not like I planned it this way, didn't meet DP til I was 38. I do wish they'd had all their grandparents for longer, and that they'll be ok when we die, and seen grandkids e.g