To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

[Pinkco]

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

Why wouldn't an early 60's parent be able to guide a twenty something? What an odd thing to say. The very idea that parents become a burden on their children in their sixties and have no relevant life experience to offer advice is ludicrous

Absolutely. Ds is 27. I guide him. I’ll be 60 in 3 years. Will l suddenly not know how to do it? Unless you had children before the age of 30 or so, they will all be in their 20’s when you’re in your 60’s.

I think that comment about not being able to guide them in your 60’s is shockingly narrow minded and immature.

@medebourne

I find this kind of attitude utterly weird.

Some people have an idea that 60 year olds are 'old fashioned'. 60 years olds were punks FFS !

As a 60 year old I find the present generation of teenagers and 20 year olds really conservative. Not only that, but I am fitter than I was at that age. I was smoking and drinking and hardly exercising until I was 40. Now , when I go to exercise classes with my 25 year old she is the one out of breath!

Please can people take a moment to look around at the 60 year olds they know? True, when I was 20, 60 year olds had sciatica and talked about the war a lot. But times have changed, they really have!

Friends of my age (60). Are still actively working, exercising (often more vigorously than their children) and definitely have their finger on the pulse as far as fashion and culture are concerned.

This . My Dh will be 68 when our youngest is 18. I will be much younger, but 100% he’s the more active parent

I had DD2, my third child, a month before my 42nd birthday, so I'll be 60 when she's 18 too. I really don't see what the problem is?

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.

This. Except it’s an understatement.

Its not that long ago 60 was the retirement age for women. So its probably still a psychological thing.

Personally I like having preteens in my mid thirties. I'm sure I would have loved my children just as much if I had them in my midthirties or forties instead of twenties. Maybe having your kids later helps keep you young.

Why are the menopause and teenagers such a huge problem? They are not an automatic combination.

I had a shitty menopause but I’m ok. Dd age 14 is delightful. Why does my menopause impact on her?

My mom was 44 when she had my youngest brother. He will be 20 in August.

Oh don't give it another thought. I'm 55 and DS is 11

Because two people in hormonal turmoil in the same house at the same time is no fun. Surely it’s obvious?

Having preteens in your 30’s is quite unusual round me. Most pre teens in my area have parents in 40’s and 50’s. Very few had children in their 20’s.

Well l survived the hormonal turmoil of 2 people. It’s really not that terrible. I never even factored it in tbh. That’s how much if an impression it made.

I was almost 44 when baby blondes was born

Wanted to be younger, but Mother Nature didn’t play ball. Took 10yrs ttc (with 2 men) sadly my dh died while we were ttc in my early 30’s

And 5 private ivf

Yes I’m older then some at Pre school but I have eagerly and finically stable with no mortgage so although I work, I don’t have to worry about paying bills etc

Obv money isn’t everything but many older mums /parents are more stable

@emilyfrost

Because it’s exceptionally hard on the child to have much older parents, particularly when they’re in their early twenties and really need guidance rather than having to look after their parents who are in a totally different life phase. And of course they won’t have you for as long.

It also means you’re likely to not fully see your grandchildren grow up.

Sorry - load of bollocks ! My parents were older back in the day when it was more unusual - we had a fabulous relationship and I most certainly wasn't ' looking after' them when I was in my early twenties!

Not everyone has a 'difficult' menopause... I barely noticed mine except for the delight at no more periods.

I’ll be 60 when DD is 18, having her at 42 was a nice surprise, luckily for me, I’m through the menopause and out the other side so we are not clashing now she’s 13. I wish I had both my DC younger but it wasn’t meant to be, I focus on keeping myself fit and healthy to be around for as long as I can be, DH and I will take ourselves off to warden assisted living if needs be so as not to be a burden. We are still planning for retirement at 60 with plans in place to support Universities etc.

I will be 58 when my surviving child is 18, I see it as a blessing. Ignore the negative comments.

Because two people in hormonal turmoil in the same house at the same time is no fun. Surely it’s obvious? it’s ridiculous. Early fifties with 4 teenagers plus a pandemic…it’s not an issue.

I was 60 when my youngest was 18, he's mid 20s now- a boy so my clothes not at risk although DH's DJ was at risk from DS1. They also nick his "flat caps". He certainly isn't looking after us- last year we went and moved all his furniture when he and his housemates needed to move house quickly. We were the only parents free to help- 70 year old dh needed a bit of a rest from time to time but so what.
Sounds trite, but I was the oldest in my office- but was the one who was regarded as most up to speed with Apps, using phone payments, and introduced a couple of colleagues to Whats App. There was a visiting manager who was shocked when my phone rang while I was away from my desk and the ring tone was Red Hot Chillies.
DS1 and I are planning to walk one of the long distance paths this summer- so definately not decrepit yet.
So no, ignore the doomsters. I would have hated to be a parent in my 20s. And I don't think I noticed the menopause.

@Pinkco
She was the same as you when she had me. I would never say older women shouldn’t have babies because most people live a long and healthy life but my mum dying when I was young affected every aspect of my life for many years.

emily ... shall I tell my 20 year old DS that he should be " looking after me" ... what a bizarre comment ... DH and I are both working, supporting our DS through Uni ... my DPs are still going in their late 80s and I am not "looking after them yet". .

I'm going on a backpacking holiday with my kids this year. They're clearly having a miserable life with their elderly mum

I wouldn't choose to have them in my 40s personally but if I struggled to conceive for years or didn't find the right person to have them until late but had a chance to have them in my 40s would I take it? yes of course I would.

And I don't think I noticed the menopause

Lucky old you, most of us aren’t so fortunate.

I bloody noticed it. But it made no discernible difference to having a teen in the house. None at all.