To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

[Pinkco]

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

think you perhaps need to read the thread and see why I made my comment. Any need to be so nasty? Perhaps ask that of the poster that I was replying to who made such a snide dig at the OP in the first place. Ok?

I did read it and she said she was glad she had her DC when she did .
Whats wrong with that?

If you want the honest answer, personally I think YABU. I'm 31, my mum is in her 50s, my grandparents are in their 70s, and I still had great-grandparents until I was in my early-20s. I love it this way, and I think it's sad to cut the time children have with their parents and grandparents so short. I know a few young adults whose parents had them in their 40s, and they all wish their parents were younger. So from the kids point of view, I think it sucks to have parents 40+ years older than them.

@Pinkco my mother was dead when I was 11. she was 30 when I was born. My dad was 47 - he’s still alive and very much kicking pushing 90. Age is no indicator that cancer, or accident or something terrible will or won’t get to you.

Have kids when you want. Personally I cant think of anything worse than still doing the school run in my 50's.
I had my first when I was 21. You probably can't think of anything worse than having a baby at that age.
Each to their own.

@Templetreebloom

countries as a young 20 something, backpacking the world, living life... when you were changing shitty nappies and being bogged down with drudgery.

Is there any need to be so nasty ?
Younger parents probably just took their babies with them ,whatever they did.
Lots of my friends travelled, went to festivals etc with babies and young children.

And I doubt they climbed the Great Wall of China, trekked Machu Picchu, camped in remote lands that most people haven't even heard of under a million stars, island hopped in Thailand and the rest of South East Asia etc with a baby and nappies, bottles etc stuck to their backs 🤔😂

I find this kind of attitude utterly weird.

Some people have an idea that 60 year olds are 'old fashioned'. 60 years olds were punks FFS !

As a 60 year old I find the present generation of teenagers and 20 year olds really conservative. Not only that, but I am fitter than I was at that age. I was smoking and drinking and hardly exercising until I was 40. Now , when I go to exercise classes with my 25 year old she is the one out of breath!

Please can people take a moment to look around at the 60 year olds they know? True, when I was 20, 60 year olds had sciatica and talked about the war a lot. But times have changed, they really have!

Friends of my age (60). Are still actively working, exercising (often more vigorously than their children) and definitely have their finger on the pulse as far as fashion and culture are concerned.

AwaAnBileYerHeid they could be doing all that in their 40’s when others are knee deep
In nappies.

@Templetreebloom

think you perhaps need to read the thread and see why I made my comment. Any need to be so nasty? Perhaps ask that of the poster that I was replying to who made such a snide dig at the OP in the first place. Ok?

I did read it and she said she was glad she had her DC when she did .
Whats wrong with that?

It was a clear dig at the OP and the age she had had kids and you aren't that stupid that you can't see that so don't play dumb.

can’t think of anything worse

There are one or two worse things than walking to a primary school and back twice a day.

Fire, floods, famine, disease, war, repossession, serious illness, mental health problems, redundancy, affairs, loss of loved ones, addiction, debt, work stress, disability, crime.

@SwimBaby

AwaAnBileYerHeid they could be doing all that in their 40’s when others are knee deep In nappies.

And if they don’t meet a partner until later? I didn’t meet my partner until my 30s - not everyone has the choice to have children young.

Some people just get irrationally offended if others choose to do things differently to how they have, it’s so dull and narrow minded.
Ignore and enjoy your pregnancy, congratulations!

@SwimBaby

AwaAnBileYerHeid they could be doing all that in their 40’s when others are knee deep In nappies.

Hardly the same as being a young 20 something and going out into the big wide world in the way that you can only do when you're that age. I did it in my early 20s and again did it 20 years later during the break before my career change and believe me, they are two totally incomparable experiences.

My mum was 60 when I was 19. Especially in these days of longer average life expectancies, I don't see a big problem with it.

I had Dd at 42. Menopause at 53. She was 11. So not a little child….,.

We saved for her uni and continue to do so. Then l can retire happily.

So much shit on this thread!

Nope nothing wrong with it at all. My mum had me at 43 and now I’m 31 and she has so much energy compared to me now. Wouldn’t change it for the world.

And I doubt they climbed the Great Wall of China, trekked Machu Picchu, camped in remote lands that most people haven't even heard of under a million stars, island hopped in Thailand and the rest of South East Asia etc with a baby and nappies, bottles etc stuck to their backs

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

We Didn’t do South America, but I spent 2 and a bit years backpacking the world with ds when he was little and I was in my mid-late 20s. Met many other young (and older) parents travelling with their children along the way too. Lots of people do it. I wasn’t rich or privileged either.

I think it depends on how you feel personally. I'll be 52 when DS is 18 and that suits me.

Although climbing the great wall with a quite heavy 3 year old to haul up the steep steps was a bit of a ball ache

Other people’s opinions are just that, their opinion.

It’s what the children think that counts and what plans are in place to ensure they don’t become young adults suddenly with a caring role etc.

As another poster has said, it can also mean less time with them and future grandchildren.

I'll be 61. My friend is 66 and her son is 18. My sister will be 65. So what? Many of my friends had their kids or last one in their 40s.

Really don't worry about it, just be mindful to look after yourself so you can be fit and healthy for as long as possible. My mum had me at 25, she is now early 60s and had many health conditions, some due to her not controlling her diabetes which now means she is very poorly, her other issues are out of her control. She had me younger but I dont have any of the benefits due to ill health.

Tbf arse while I’m generally in favour of people just doing what works for them I’m not totally sure that’s practical for most people with toddlers. There is a need to earn a living apart from anything else.

There is no way at all that I would regard having young children in your 40s and 50s as difficult. As I said before, I was far fitter at that age than I was in my 20s and 30s. Not to mention, more stable and motivated and sure of myself.

If you think you are going to 'slow down' and sit in your armchair in middle age than maybe you can't imagine parenting after your 20s. But really, that's your loss.

And nowadays the average age in the UK for having your first child is over 30, so if people have several children, or two widely-spaced children, they could quite easily have the youngest in their early 40s; it's not a rarity. And even if it were, what's important is what suits YOU and YOUR family.

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.

People can go through menopause at different ages. I'm peri-menopausal with a 12 year old DD, my mum went through menopause when I was 14 onward. It was fine.