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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

534 replies

Pinkco · 03/07/2021 19:23

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

OP posts:
confused107 · 04/07/2021 19:53

Just wanted to add that sadly people loose parents and loved ones tragically to cancer at all ages (even as young as in their 20's). It doesn't matter what age you have children, none of us can promise to be here for as long as they will need us

myfaceismyown · 04/07/2021 19:55

@allRadio4ordie my grandmother was 46 when she had my mother and lived to 97. Mum was 35 when she had me and fighting fit - my Grandmother was a living, breathing Victorian - but full of life!
Most of my family lived well into their late 90s. As other posters have said, you can die for any reason at any time....Its the life you lead that counts, not some daft view of chronological age.

Inastatus · 04/07/2021 19:58

@confused107

Just wanted to add that sadly people loose parents and loved ones tragically to cancer at all ages (even as young as in their 20's). It doesn't matter what age you have children, none of us can promise to be here for as long as they will need us
Absolutely! No one has a crystal ball to predict the future and you cannot base your decision on whether or not to have a child on how long you think you might live or whether or not you might get a serious illness. Life is a lottery.
nopuppiesallowed · 04/07/2021 20:29

@uniniontea
My daughter still nicks my clothes. She's in her 30s. I'm nearly 70....

maybloss2 · 04/07/2021 20:34

Hi op, I wouldn’t ever judge, but I would be thinking about energy levels. I’m 63 & ive two teen stepsons. I’m actually really worn out by them, even though compared to some they are ‘ easy’. This is because they are demanding ( as are all children) and I’m having a difficult menopause- before that I had energy and zest, and I was also very used to doing things my way. My own kids are adults and I’ve been a teacher, so also maybe I’ve just run out of ‘ people’ energy!
For me there has been a big shift in fitness since hitting 60, which I didn’t anticipate, so if this is what others have experienced then that’s what their expressing I expect.
I’d be wow that’s impressive! Xxxxxx

Lulu49 · 04/07/2021 20:38

I had my last one at 41 and I got lots of comments like this. People who were born 40 and just got older in my opinion. Ignore comments and tell them to mind their own business. Xx

herecomesthsun · 04/07/2021 20:38

My mum had me when she was 24. The clothes transfer went from me to her Smile and it was a real joy to go shopping together etc.

I had my daughter when I was 48. We like going for lunches in cafes and buying bits and pieces together too (when we aren't in lockdown etc)

ZednotZee · 04/07/2021 20:39

Well in a perfect world of course all children would be born to two solvent, married parents between the ages of twenty five and thirty five.

But the world isn't perfect and your DC will get over you being a bit older than the norm, so its really a non issue, isn't it?

Faxthatpam · 04/07/2021 20:40

I had a later child. My first when I was 28 my 4th (not exactly planned) at 44. I loved all my pregnancies but certainly my last was the hardest just because I wasn’t so young and bendy!
My 4th is now13 and has been a joy (once I got over the shock) He has been nothing but a good experience. He has however always been anxious about having older parents (not embarrassed though I don’t think).
Incredibly sadly his dad died last year after a very shocking and sudden illness (not covid). This means that his anxiety has been solidified somewhat. He will be ok, he has 3 big brothers and a strong family that loves him.
What I’m saying though is that his dad wasn’t particularly old (62) and anything can happen at any time. You just don’t know. So enjoy your lovely baby, and definitely take no notice of what anyone else thinks. Everyone is different, and life is to be lived.

MareofBeasttown · 04/07/2021 20:41

No matter what I thought,.I would never comment on anyone else's age or children.

NewlyGranny · 04/07/2021 20:45

What a daft thing to say to a pregnant woman! What are you meant to do about it? I can't think of a polite response.

I might be tempted to say, "No, you're kidding!" then pull out your phone, get the calculator up and after some tapping, yell,

"Oh bugger! 42 plus 18 actually equals 60! Why did nobody ever tell me? What shall I do?!"

NewlyGranny · 04/07/2021 20:48

Fwiw, my own DB died aged 31 leaving a 3 yo son. Age is not a very good indicator of whether you're going to be around to see your kids grow up.

NewlyGranny · 04/07/2021 20:50

Or just shrug and say, "60 is the new 35, hadn't you heard?"

redpontipine · 04/07/2021 21:21

My husband had older parents (early 40s) they've been fantastic parents to him and his sister. In my experience people who I know that have parented later in life do seem to make much better parents.
On the other hand my dgmother recently passed suddenly at 75 no ill health she had my Df when young but went on to have a daughter at 42 and was a fantastic mother and grandmother to her and her son but they're now grieving and feel robbed of her time. She can't get over her not seeing her 5yo son grow up and I think older parents do forget this sadly will happen.

thelastgoldeneagle · 04/07/2021 21:35

My h is 59, dd 18 this year. They get on great. Go for runs and walks, and play tennis together. I've never thought of him as an older dad...

RollWithThePunches · 04/07/2021 21:45

Many many congratulations! I’m an older mum but via adoption. I’d have been thrilled to give birth at your age, you deserve to enjoy it. xx

MySocalledLoaf · 04/07/2021 21:49

If you live in an affluent area your life expectancy is 7–10 years higher than someone in a deprived part of the country. So in terms of losing parents etc. your 42 might be comparable to someone else’s 33.

Bluebelle100 · 04/07/2021 21:53

Amazing...be proud you are still alive and kicking ;)

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 04/07/2021 22:13

It's your choice.. feck all to do with anyone else. Hate people who decide others are doing life incorrectly! And.. if nature allows you to be pregnant..how the hell can it be wrong?? ❤️

shouldistop · 04/07/2021 22:20

Women have been having babies into their 40s since time began. It's not a new thing.
Ok they might have started younger and had 8 kids instead of starting later and having 2 but there will have been tonnes of 18 year olds with a 60 year old parent.

shouldistop · 04/07/2021 22:23

The menopause comment is a bit silly. I had ds1 at 29 and ds2 at 33 and I could be going through menopause when they're teens.

July2mebabywouldJuly2me · 04/07/2021 22:24

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.
Do you have a crystal ball? Average age for menopause is 50 so OP could be like me and have it done & dusted by the time her DC is a teen.
Blossomtoes · 04/07/2021 22:24

@shouldistop

The menopause comment is a bit silly. I had ds1 at 29 and ds2 at 33 and I could be going through menopause when they're teens.
You could but it’s unlikely. The average age is 51.
Nearly47 · 04/07/2021 22:30

Non issue IMO. If anything you will have more time for them. Usually done with career climbing at this age. I will be 55 when my youngest turns 18.

My sister had her daughter at 41.
My niece just turned 18 now and my sister is very healthy and active. She is semi-retired so has plenty of time to drive my niece around as she still to get a driving license. In my circle most people had children in their mid to late 30s so no-one would find your situation that unusual

SwimBaby · 04/07/2021 22:32

Blossomtoes it’s not unlikely at all, 51 is the average age when periods stop, it’s the few years leading up to it that I think are the worst.