Responding to people asking why I'm not wearing a mask

[PhasedRay]

I can't wear a face mask and am exempt due to having issues which make it extremely uncomfortable and difficult to wear. At the start of the pandemic I used to explain to people who asked why I can't, but I was getting some nasty comments and it's made me quite cynical. When someone asks now, I just tell them to mind their own business.

AIBU? I think that rather abrupt response probably would sound unreasonable from the perspective of someone who has just asked a single question, but I have been getting questioned (feels more like an interrogation sometimes) for nearly a year and I am just sick of it.

"If you'd like to give me your own medical history, I'll then happily share mine with you."

It is none of their business. I wouldn't even engage with them.

“I’m medically exempt” is all you need to say. It’s reasonable for shops/public transport etc to ask whether someone is exempt or not, but not to ask why. Of course a minority of selfish idiots will claim exemptions just because they don’t want to wear a mask, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to ask genuinely exempt people to share their medical information. Random busy bodies have no need to challenge anyone though.

Do you wear a sunflower lanyard? I know you don't have to but I have started wearing one (in a very similar situation to you) and since then no ones says anything.

I've just found it a lot easier to be honest

My first response is “I’m exempt”. If they continue trying to interrogate me I put up a hand and say “Don’t talk to me”. No one has the right to police you wearing a mask or not.

@Thebig3

Do you wear a sunflower lanyard? I know you don't have to but I have started wearing one (in a very similar situation to you) and since then no ones says anything.

I've just found it a lot easier to be honest

They don’t mean you are exempt from wearing a mask. They annoy me. I don’t want a security guard looking at my chest.

Half the people I meet aren’t wearing masks anymore anyway, so hopefully the questioning will get less.

It also depends on how you behave. You know that, however valid your reasons for exemption, if you talk to a person indoors at close quarters then you will be putting them at greater risk and may very reasonably make them uncomfortable? If you are careful to keep your distance esp when taking then fair enough.

(But if, otoh, you plonk yourself right down next to a visible vulnerable person on public transport, along with your non mask wearing mate, and then have a long loud conversation in her face, don't be surprised if you piss people off.)

Sunflower lanyards are for people who have a disability. Not for people who've decided they can't wear a mask

I just say either I’m exempt or that I’m unable to wear one
I don’t get asked as often any more mainly because I use same shops and cafes and they are used to me now
I have an exemption thing on my phone that I just show if anyone pushes it any further

If I’m out with someone else I prefer them not to wear a mask either as I’m quite deaf and even with hearing aids in lip read to confirm what I think I hear - if I can’t see your mouth I struggle
Which is really difficult anyway if I’m on my own

Strangely, I’ve never been asked why I’m not wearing one

@tiredanddangerous they are for anyone who fancies getting one from Tesco, free of charge and no questions asked.

Can you wear a visor?

I don't say anything and lift my lanyard.

If anyone pushes after that (has only happened once), I tell them I was raped and choked and left for dead and when my nose and mouth are covered I sometimes flip back to that moment and would they like more detail? And then maybe we could share the worst moment of their life. What would that be?

The person who had challenged me fucked off at speed around then. I still wish her ill. But she's been the only bitch who felt the need to push once she saw the "mask exempt" lanyard.

I had someone sit opposite ME on a almost empty bus then berate me for not wearing a mask! So it’s not just people not wearing a mask sitting next to people with one, he deliberately sat opposite me to have a go at me. When I told him I was exempt he didn’t care I asked him why he had targeted me when there was two MEN on the bus not wearing a mask either and he told me it was because “I have children” more like I’m a woman so an easier target. 😑

How do people continue the conversation once you've said 'I'm medically exampt.'?

@tiredanddangerous

Sunflower lanyards are for people who have a disability. Not for people who've decided they can't wear a mask

Hidden disability that may require additional support. It’s not for non masks wearers and security guards at shops are annoying “wear a lanyard”.

Most/many don’t wear surgical masks or face shield coverings (anymore) as you will all get on fine! No one cares nor asks as the virus will most likely probably discriminate disproportionately on those with most risk exposure in a non contained spreading pandemic.

@Orf1abc

"If you'd like to give me your own medical history, I'll then happily share mine with you."

It is none of their business. I wouldn't even engage with them.

Ooh I like this

tiredanddangerous they are for anyone who fancies getting one from Tesco, free of charge and no questions asked

But their intended use is for people with hidden disabilities. They've been hijacked by people who don't think they should have to wear a mask. I have a hidden disability, as does my dd, and it's fucking irritating.

I have my lanyard with a card on it that says I'm exempt and was only asked once why I was exempt so I told him I didn't need to tell him and he was quite annoyed.

I don't really fancy telling people my ex husband used to hold me down and put his hand over my mouth and nose and wearing a mask brings back the panicking feeling.

I hate the way the sunflower lanyards have been abused and used for a different reason.

@tiredanddangerous

tiredanddangerous they are for anyone who fancies getting one from Tesco, free of charge and no questions asked

But their intended use is for people with hidden disabilities. They've been hijacked by people who don't think they should have to wear a mask. I have a hidden disability, as does my dd, and it's fucking irritating.

What is the point of the lanyards? If you need extra assistance wouldn’t you just ask for it?

I'm exempt and the supermarket I work at has provided bright yellow lanyards with "face mask exempt" and badges that say the wearer can't wear a mask but will maintain social distance that we have to wear when we are at work, to which I have attached a badge saying I've had both of my jabs , so I just use that when I go out and about.

Fortunately I have only had one person push after I said "I'm exempt" at which point I just responded "I have no legal obligation to answer your question, leave me alone" and when she threatened to phone the police I told her not to worry as I would phone them myself due to her harassment and intimidating behaviour and pulled my phone out to call 101 ... suddenly her bravado left her and she scarpered, I did record it with the police as I had also witnessed her shouting at someone else as I came in, before she started on me, so clearly it was not a one off. I'm pretty resilient but I was left feeling shaken and a bit upset so I can only imagine how someone more vulnerable might have been left feeling and wanted it on record in case she did go any further in future.

I've been on trains several times this week and mask compliance is definitely starting to wane. I pulled mine down whenever I could get away with it, especially when sitting in an almost empty carriage or on a station platform out in the arse end of nowhere.

I should think / hope that challenges from arseholes the mask police will get less. If anyone is stupid enough to question you then just tell them that you are medically exempt and then ignore any other questions. Don't engage further.