Responding to people asking why I'm not wearing a mask

[PhasedRay]

I can't wear a face mask and am exempt due to having issues which make it extremely uncomfortable and difficult to wear. At the start of the pandemic I used to explain to people who asked why I can't, but I was getting some nasty comments and it's made me quite cynical. When someone asks now, I just tell them to mind their own business.

AIBU? I think that rather abrupt response probably would sound unreasonable from the perspective of someone who has just asked a single question, but I have been getting questioned (feels more like an interrogation sometimes) for nearly a year and I am just sick of it.

COVID is here to stay.

I didn’t suggest that Covid-19 would go away.

Were you ever this concerned over other people getting the flu?

I’m not concerned about people catching the ful or Covid for that matter.

Or do you only but I to the fear that's playing out at the moment?

I’ll need an English translation to this statement before I can respond.

@LetsGoFlyAKiteee

But from sounds..if rumours are true. Masks will become a choice anyway in 2 weeks. Might just be paper talk and speculation but will see.

I just dont get people going close to a maskless person to ask them. Especially cause if their answer is because of past trauma then what would you say. Just wall away?

Recording confrontation seems to be a bit look a me how many likes can this get

People don’t have eyes in the back of their head. You can’t control who is going to sit next to you on a bus or queue behind you at the checkouts. I can stop myself getting too close to someone, but I can’t stop them getting to close to me.

I think a quick friendly “have you forget your mask” is acceptable. I have twice gone into a shop slightly distracted and forgotten to put my mask on first. The person can then respond “I’m exempt” . Not that I’ve done this myself. But someone did say it to me when I forgot and I was glad they did and scuttled out quick to put it on.
But then I have worked introduction facilities for years that demanded hair covers and face masks- it was absolutely consider the appropriate thing to tell someone who wasn’t wearing their mask to go and put it on- usually all it took was a pointing to their mouth or hair and then the person was usually mortified they forgot and dashed back out to put one on.
It doesn’t need to be high stakes, aggressive …just a friendly check in

Why are you going out if you can’t wear a mask to protect other people?

Work, school and nursery runs, grocery shopping, playgrounds with kids, seeing friends. Life goes on. People with disabilities or lung problems have as much right to go out as anyone else. My friend’s a nurse, she caught covid that caused serious damage to her lungs. She can’t wear a mask anymore as she struggles to breathe. A lot of keyworkers (who kept the country running and cared for ill people in the peaks) now have long term breathing difficulties. Should we punish them?

I've certainly got up and moved when someone without a mask has sat right next to me (literally 2 inches rather than 2 metres) on a train or bus.

Remember people without masks may have hidden disabilities that mean they can’t stand for long. That seat on the bus/train/bench might be more important than the 2m rule! If you’re in pain or about to faint, social distancing and masks aren’t going to be top priory.

I can't wear one and so have opted for a highly ridiculously florescent orange baseball cap with a clip on visor. The joy of it is that it really attracts the attention of small children and they can see when I poke my tongue out at them. (best done when the accompanying adult isn't looking)

What really bugs me though is that people with masks often feel there's no need to distance from me and will lean across me in the shops to get they urgently needed tin of beans. If irritated enough I'll loudly tell them to keep clear as they are not safe from my germs.

I have been wearing a sunflower lanyard from the start and in all that time I’ve only been challenged once, and that was from a very aggressive guy in a post office who was coming out as I was going in with a large parcel, and I don’t think he’d seen it when he said what he said.

I don’t think anyone really wants to know (or tell) personal medical history in public, or cause a confrontation unnecessarily, so I think wearing a lanyard is a polite thing to do. It also has the huge advantage that people are much more likely to keep their distance. It’s much safer to be 2-3 metres away from someone than be jammed up right next to them wearing loose face coverings.

When all the vulnerable people have long been vaccinated, and a huge portion of the overall adult population, isn't it time we stopped wearing the sodding mask

Only they haven't. One of my parents had terminal cancer. They only just had their second vaccine last month. Long after the likes of Stanley two jabs didn't need to wear a mask Johnson did.
Said parent was in a line of cancer patients who aren't fully vaccinated yet.

Daughter commutes to London. She says that more than half of people either don't wear their masks or pull them down once on the train.

She works in a major tourist attraction and is regularly abused by members of the public when she politely asks them to wear a mask, which they usually refuse to anyway.

People don’t have eyes in the back of their head. You can’t control who is going to sit next to you on a bus or queue behind you at the checkouts. I can stop myself getting too close to someone, but I can’t stop them getting to close to me

But that's different to approaching someone and asking. Or filming which seemed to be the thing last year which thankfully has stopped. People in queue still should be distancing so nothing wrong with asking to step back.

But from the 19th the whole mask questions will be no more from sounds anyway. If that goes ahead but being reported more now so guessing it's true.

AIBU? I think that rather abrupt response probably would sound unreasonable from the perspective of someone who has just asked a single question

I would never ask why someone is not wearing a mask, although if you're not wearing a mask in a really enclosed space (train, bus) then I would want to be very far away from you.

You need to moderate your behaviour if you're not wearing a mask - you need to be super-observant and careful that you do not get closer than 2m to people. And don't be like a stupid fucker - not wearing a mask - who tried to start up a conversation with me on a train and practically shouted at me "I don't have to wear one I"m medically exempt" when I asked her to keep her distance. Well fine, whatever, I didn't ask for your medical history - I asked you to keep away from me.

This was early in the pandemic, when I had to make a difficult journey for difficult reasons. And before anyone was vaccinated.

We wear masks to protect others from whatever we might be carrying. So be aware of that and keep your distance. That's the quid pro quo for deciding you're exempt from wearing a mask.

People who genuinely have respiratory conditions will wear a mask. My asthma, copd and lung cancer patients will all wear masks no problem because they know they're high risk and aren't going to make a fuss about protecting themselves. I have to roll my eyes when I hear people loudly declaring they have asthma while walking in to shops with no mask

This asthma patient can't wear a mask. However I am quite capable of walking to a shop without one.

Many of my patients with lung problems are in the same position as me and find that with a mask they are unable to breathe and even if they do attempt to wear one, it can trigger an asthma attack.

the whole point that in an invisible viral pandemic - people are scared of in person close proximity transmission. Do all non mask wearers question each other as to current Covid status in case of "inadvertent" continued spreading?

This. But people don't want to hear it ...

I can't wear a mask either op. I have a badge which I wear round my neck. I have had a couple of bad experiences though . I was on the bus and there were 3 people slagging me off saying they were going to punch me in the face etc .

Another time om the bus a woman kept making comments. When she went to get of she started having a go at the driver for letting me on.. The driver could not hear what she was saying due to the mask and ranting she was doing . So she took her mask of to shout again .. the moment she took her mask off I think she lost her argument.

I think people are scared. But I don't think that gives them the right to have ago threaten people etc. Yes the mask is to protect yourself and others . But if you can't wear one then the people around you are wearing the mask which means they are protecting themselves. And also protecting you . I should think its the person not wearing the mask who more at risk than them who do wear one .

People are scared of coughing now can't even clear your throat without getting death stares.

But I do think it's starting to get better now compared to how it was.

The latest /next thing is have you had your jab? /are you having it? / why not ? You should have it! You have to have it! You must ! Your selfish! Bla bla

But from the 19th the whole mask questions will be no more from sounds anyway.

And I know several people who will have to be completely housebound, because even though they are vaccinated & careful, if they caught COVID it's likely to be a death sentence.

It's all vey well people waving freedom flags (metaphorically) but there are real consequences for real people.

What a lot of people still need to learn is that with this virus, it is not about the risks you take as an individual. It's about the risk you pose to other people. All of us need to understand our responsibility to be safe for others.

I've been shocked by some of the selfishness I've seen about this.

The latest /next thing is have you had your jab? /are you having it? / why not ? You should have it! You have to have it! You must ! Your selfish! Bla bla

Well, unless there is a very strong medical reason, given you by your GP or consultant, yes, it is very selfish to refuse to be vaccinated.

Not vaccinated & not wearing a mask? I hope you are careful & responsible about keeping your distance from others.

@ShortBacknSides

The latest /next thing is have you had your jab? /are you having it? / why not ? You should have it! You have to have it! You must ! Your selfish! Bla bla

Well, unless there is a very strong medical reason, given you by your GP or consultant, yes, it is very selfish to refuse to be vaccinated.

Not vaccinated & not wearing a mask? I hope you are careful & responsible about keeping your distance from others.

Who said I'm not vaccinated? You don't know either way. But still people have a choice weather to vaccinate or not. I take it the people shouting out selfish would have had their vaccinations anyway. Along with all the other people that are worried/feel it's the right thing for them.

Example: if Sarah has her jab she has protected herself. Whereas If Jane has not had her jab she's probably quite safe because Sarah has had her jab.

Who said I'm not vaccinated?
I was using "you" in a general sense. I suppose I could have said "one" or "a person," or put it all in the plural and said "people."

Example: if Sarah has her jab she has protected herself. Whereas If Jane has not had her jab she's probably quite safe because Sarah has had her jab.

No. This is not accurate. Jane is only safe if 8 out of the 10 people around her have had their vaccination. We need a minimum of 80% vaccination rate to reach anything like "herd immunity."

So Jane is relying on others to be responsible for her, while Jane takes no responsibility for others.

@ShortBacknSides

The latest /next thing is have you had your jab? /are you having it? / why not ? You should have it! You have to have it! You must ! Your selfish! Bla bla

Well, unless there is a very strong medical reason, given you by your GP or consultant, yes, it is very selfish to refuse to be vaccinated.

Not vaccinated & not wearing a mask? I hope you are careful & responsible about keeping your distance from others.

Perhaps this unique British exceptionalism entitlement culture explains why per capita Britain is world beating bad in Covid fatalities and even worst possibly in as yet not fully documented post long Covid syndrome suffers. No civic duty of care especially to those with less health privilege nor frightened of suffering infection possibly preferring laws of the jungle survival of the fittest herd immunity or don’t understand elementary science of likely Covid vectors and personal and household bubble risk mitigation to be a more likely a part of the solution than forever the cause keeping the NHS challenged and some business sectors closed. Humans are not invincible to Covid in case anyone thinks their lanyard with most fraudulent wearers conveniently purchased online going to protect them and others within spitting distance when ever more contagious strains may even eventually beat the vaccination race!

If people who don’t wear masks would at least observe social distancing in shops it would make life a lot easier. Lost count of the number of times someone without a mask has ended up peering over my shoulder at the prepped veg in Marksies. JUST STAY THE FUCK BACK AND WAIT. The entitlement of those who don’t WANT to wear masks as opposed to those who can’t is the issue.

It's a shame that staff/security etc are too frightened of challenging "yobs" who just completely ignore SD, masks etc. We have a Co Op in our village on a busy road. Only a few days ago, I was buying my lunch and there was a group of 4/5 20+ somethings without masks, shouting over to eachother in different aisles, not wearing masks, ignoring the one way systems, ignoring social distancing. Just basically doing what the hell they wanted to do and sod everyone else. They were from a scaffolding lorry. I've seen similar with the likes of builders/roofers etc. They obviously think they're exempt but they're the kind of people who'll be the "super spreaders". The guy on the door supervising the cleaning station just completely ignored them. When I've been in on different occasions, the same guy has been "reminding" little old ladies etc to put on their masks. Amazing how staff can bully/intimidate easy targets but turn the other cheek with the real offenders.

@ShortBacknSides

But from the 19th the whole mask questions will be no more from sounds anyway.

And I know several people who will have to be completely housebound, because even though they are vaccinated & careful, if they caught COVID it's likely to be a death sentence.

It's all vey well people waving freedom flags (metaphorically) but there are real consequences for real people.

What a lot of people still need to learn is that with this virus, it is not about the risks you take as an individual. It's about the risk you pose to other people. All of us need to understand our responsibility to be safe for others.

I've been shocked by some of the selfishness I've seen about this.

They won't need to be housebound. They'd need to be sensible. It's perfectly doable to still manage to comfortably distance yourself from others.

Masks don't make the difference between life and death. There are a variety of contributing factors.

@user1497207191

It's a shame that staff/security etc are too frightened of challenging "yobs" who just completely ignore SD, masks etc. We have a Co Op in our village on a busy road. Only a few days ago, I was buying my lunch and there was a group of 4/5 20+ somethings without masks, shouting over to eachother in different aisles, not wearing masks, ignoring the one way systems, ignoring social distancing. Just basically doing what the hell they wanted to do and sod everyone else. They were from a scaffolding lorry. I've seen similar with the likes of builders/roofers etc. They obviously think they're exempt but they're the kind of people who'll be the "super spreaders". The guy on the door supervising the cleaning station just completely ignored them. When I've been in on different occasions, the same guy has been "reminding" little old ladies etc to put on their masks. Amazing how staff can bully/intimidate easy targets but turn the other cheek with the real offenders.

Reminding someone how to wear a mask isn't bullying or intimidating them.

At the same time, he doesn't get paid enough to police the actions of the irresponsible.
If he felt vulnerable himself it's unfair to expect him to confront people who made him feel that way.

@ShortBacknSides

But from the 19th the whole mask questions will be no more from sounds anyway.

And I know several people who will have to be completely housebound, because even though they are vaccinated & careful, if they caught COVID it's likely to be a death sentence.

It's all vey well people waving freedom flags (metaphorically) but there are real consequences for real people.

What a lot of people still need to learn is that with this virus, it is not about the risks you take as an individual. It's about the risk you pose to other people. All of us need to understand our responsibility to be safe for others.

I've been shocked by some of the selfishness I've seen about this.

Definitely but what can you do? If people have been told they have the option now it'll go one way or the other. Of course it's up to others to think about the wider picture and all but that probably won't be the case and it given the go ahead by goverment.. Seems silly to take both masks and distancing away but that's how it's heading. For better or worse

OP you don't have to engage with these people at all. Just ignore them.

Far too many people pleasers on here who think that it's rude not to reply to strangers poking their noses in where it's not wanted. If you don't want to reply, don't reply.

If you do, tell them you are medically exempt and that's all you're saying on the matter. If they start to get abusive, tell them you will call the police if they don't pipe down.

I just carry on walking and let them crack on. Says more about them that it does about those not wearing masks tbh.

As more people are vaccinated more will ditch the mask because they are protected in their eyes. And the double standards really don't help. Have a tv camera in front of you and no mask needed regardless of the location.