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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask MIL to remove FB post?

159 replies

Gecko16 · 02/07/2021 23:29

The other day I sent two photos of our baby in a private message to my partner, which he then forwarded to his mum. A few days later she posted them on Facebook. To be fair, he said that she did ask him first, however he said yes without checking with me. I myself haven’t posted any photos of our baby on social media yet, and didn’t feel happy about these particular photos being shared. They’re not photos I would choose to share myself and were really just meant for my partner. No big reason, they were just of silly moments with my daughter that I thought my partner would appreciate. AIBU to ask for the post to be deleted?

OP posts:
LawnFever · 02/07/2021 23:31

Hmm, I can see that’s annoying but she did ask and your DH has as much say as you do, sorry but I don’t think she’s done anything wrong.

BackforGood · 02/07/2021 23:31

YANBU to ask her nicely, but, do remember, she did ask the person who sent her them, and that person is also your little one's parent.

This isn't a case of her over stepping any marks.

Unreasonabubble · 02/07/2021 23:31

Yes you are. She did ask permission first and it was given.

You need to tell your Partner that he is not to forward photos that you do not want put on social media.

girlmom21 · 02/07/2021 23:34

She asked permission and your partner said yes. This is something you should've both discussed beforehand if it's something you're not comfortable with. YWBU to ask her to remove them now.
YWNBU to ask her to double check her privacy settings.

ElephantMoth · 02/07/2021 23:36

Yabu, she asked first and was told yes.

Original poster
Gecko16 · 02/07/2021 23:41

@LawnFever No, I don’t think she’s done anything wrong either, as she did ask. She didn’t know that I had taken them and not him. I would be asking the post to be deleted not because I think she is in the wrong, but because I don’t feel comfortable with them being shared. I agree DH has a say too, but when it comes to things like this I can’t help thinking that both parents should be OK with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gecko16 · 02/07/2021 23:41

@Unreasonabubble Noted! I shall do this in future!

OP posts:
hysteriaonthedancefloor · 02/07/2021 23:43

I think it's reasonable of you to ask but she hasn't done anything wrong at this point.

Original poster
Gecko16 · 02/07/2021 23:43

@girlmom21 Agreed we should have discussed this first. It’s a learning curve!…,

OP posts:
LawnFever · 02/07/2021 23:45

[quote Gecko16]@LawnFever No, I don’t think she’s done anything wrong either, as she did ask. She didn’t know that I had taken them and not him. I would be asking the post to be deleted not because I think she is in the wrong, but because I don’t feel comfortable with them being shared. I agree DH has a say too, but when it comes to things like this I can’t help thinking that both parents should be OK with it.[/quote]
Well let it be a lesson learned to discuss these things with your DH, I think if you ask her to take the photos down she’ll be upset and annoyed, as well that you’ve overruled her son, the baby’s dad who has a completely equal right to say this is fine.

Aria2015 · 02/07/2021 23:53

I think given the fact she asked, your dh agreed, you should just let it go and chalk it up to experience and be more clear in future with your dh. I'm sure your mil would delete it at your request, but no doubt it would leave a bit of sour taste in her mouth as she'd done everything right. For that reason I'd advise you to just leave it.

PanamaPattie · 03/07/2021 00:44

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? My DS and DIL have banned anyone posting pictures of their baby on SM. I think that’s an excellent decision.

girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 00:47

@PanamaPattie

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? My DS and DIL have banned anyone posting pictures of their baby on SM. I think that’s an excellent decision.
Lots of grandparents are proud of their grandchildren and like to brag about their achievements etc. There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion as long as the parents wishes are met.
SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2021 00:52

Is baby undressed in them? If so yes and discuss not sharing such photos outside the two of you.

Otherwise I'd chalk it up to experience but discuss if you're both in agreement of keeping all photos of her off SM and how you decide which photos his family are allowed to see

SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2021 00:54

@PanamaPattie

Why do MILs post pictures of their GC on social media? Nobody is interested in the pictures. It strikes me as awful attention seeking - how many likes can I get? My DS and DIL have banned anyone posting pictures of their baby on SM. I think that’s an excellent decision.
Because they love them and consider them part of their family even though it's only the children of their son?? Because in the real world, people do talk to their friends about the grandkids and show each other photos etc and actually show an interest in their friends lives?
Sillawithans · 03/07/2021 00:55

As op, she's just a proud grandmother. She did ask.

Putthekettleon2021 · 03/07/2021 01:13

I think as long as the photo's aren't of your child in the bath/undressed then I would probably leave it. The photos are already online, it will probably just cause an issue with your MIL in asking for the post to be removed. I would just ask your partner/DH to say no to social media posts of your child in future if your MIL does ask.

I can understand you feeling the way you do, but it sounds like a miscommunication rather than wrongdoing on anyone's part.

wingingit987 · 03/07/2021 02:03

How old is your baby?

CoolCatTaco · 03/07/2021 02:07

I mean this in the nicest possible way, and as someone who doesn't like pictures of my DD on FB...but literally no one else gives a flying fuck about this.

GammyLeg · 03/07/2021 02:50

@CoolCatTaco

I mean this in the nicest possible way, and as someone who doesn't like pictures of my DD on FB...but literally no one else gives a flying fuck about this.
In the nicest possible way 🙄, OP clearly gives a fuck about it, possibly for the same reason you don’t like your own DD being on social media.
AnUnoriginalUsername · 03/07/2021 05:32

I think people are looking at this the wrong way. OP isn't kicking off at MIL for doing it , just asking for it taking down. Just say "I know dh said you could put them on Facebook but I'm not comfortable with his pictures on Facebook so could you delete them please? Sorry" no big deal.

SupermanInk · 03/07/2021 05:45

It’s fine to ask her to remove them. It sounds like it won’t be a problem, she asked in the first place so she’s obviously thoughtful about things like this.

MouldyPotato · 03/07/2021 05:45

I'd get DH to ask her personally, he can always say sorry I didn't think and I've spoken to Gecko and we've decided no social media pics.

MouldyPotato · 03/07/2021 05:46

SupermanInk makes a really good point. I'd thank her for checking with DH first.

Birminghambloke · 03/07/2021 05:58

It’s a chat with your DH. MIL checked. He’s forwarded. He’s given permission. If he continues to do this, then I guess you don’t forward those moments. That would be sad though.