To think holidays with a baby are not really a holiday?

[Thedigey]

Just that really... currently on uk holiday with dh and 8 month old + 2 dogs and I’m really struggling. Am exhausted, have spent no quality time with dh, every time we want to go out it’s like a fucking military operation with all baby’s stuff. .. best time I’ve had has been on the beach with one of the dogs on my own running in the sea.. . Is it wrong I had more fun with him than my baby? Have been forced to go to bed at 10 every night.... what kind of holiday is this? I feel so depressed...the place we’re staying was originally booked nearly 2 years ago for last summer before even knew we’d be having a baby, it’s gorgeous and romantic but it’s turned into a baby junkyard 😱

With babies and young kids. Holidays just are:

Same shit, different place

Only started to enjoy holidays a tiny bit when kids were 5&7, and even then it was still completely about the kids, no nice meals out or anything

I think also much depends on the kind of baby you have. Many of the 'your baby fits around you' posse have relatively easy babies. I had a screamathon bub who had bad reflux, slept terribly, and later turned out to have SN. If your baby won't fit round you, that's not necessarily your fault. You may just have a high needs child. What really sucks is that if you do have a high needs baby, you need a restful holiday more than most, and you definitely won't get one unless you have anyone willing to babysit. It is really, really hard and I'm sorry you are going through this. In addition, it does sound like you and DH aren't really pulling together at the moment? Again, it's pretty normal to have some marital difficulties in the early years - it's bloody hard x

I understand people mourn their old life where they basically do what they want but I also often feel like people have children without knowing the impact it will have on their lives

I think it's fine for people not to realise the impact it will have on every aspect of your life. I personally had never thought about the effect on holidays, having never been on holiday with young children before and having deliberately avoided the kinds of holidays where there might be young families. So while I was completely ready and prepared to have children, the holiday aspect was a complete shock.

I went to a static caravan with 2.5 year old and 10 week old. It was lovely, because my husband isn’t a controlling useless prick. The baby isn’t the issue.

We first went away when kids were 8 months and 2. I remember it now very fondly, with ds' joy at using the lift every day and eating lots of ice cream. But dd was hard bloody work on every holiday until she was about 7 and i used to have at least one episode per holiday where i would swear never to do it again. We did AI for a few years, but the last couple, we've been able to do SC and really start to enjoy the kids' company.

Our first holiday with DS was when he was 8 months and I didn't enjoy it at all. Complete nightmare.

Went again when he was 2 and it was far better - not perfect but better.

3 onwards have always been great. When they don't need as much stuff, can eat anything and get more out of going places. He's 7 now and I love being away with him.

Currently in the lakes at a wedding of friends that was yesterday. It's been lovely-he was happy to play with his goody bag and eat his meal. Then spent all evening playing with other kids in the hotel gardens while we sat on the terrace with adults (obviously keeping an eye on the kids!).

It gets better, honestly! Hang in there!

I love going on holiday with my kids. It's a different sort of holiday to pre babies (less booze, less shagging, more miniature train rides) but still good fun. 8mo is pretty portable still so you can still do adult things like galleries without a 3yo telling you that he thinks that picture looks like a poo.

Agree with posters though, you've got a DH problem. Our two go to bed at around 7.30-8pm even on holiday so we have loads of time to crack open the wine and catch up with Netflix. We alternate lie ins so we each get a bit of extra sleep, we both went swimming separately so we could have decent swim while the other looked after the kids. It didn't matter if we had fish and chips three nights in a row. Working as a team makes it easier but it doesn't sound like your DH is willing to make changes.

You need a serious talk with your DH. He's being very unreasonable and uncompromising about this, but he's going to continue to be until you put your foot down.

It's a concern that you say you're worried you'll be blamed if baby has a bad night if you've not followed the routine. Was he like this before the baby arrived?

So many miserable posts in this thread telling others that holidays with little kids are always going to be awful. And it's pathetic how many people think they're being so novel with their 'same shit different place' thing when it's already been said ninety times.

We drove to France, and had an overnight ferry with our eight month old first baby. Did similar when she was two and joined by her nine month old sister. Caravan the first time, eurocamp tent the second. We had a ball.

My children are a bit older and more self sufficient now, but absolutely one of the worst things for me as a parent has been getting them out of the door with all of their stuff.
Only thing I can suggest to help is to spend time the night before/hours before, getting a bag ready with all their stuff, putting it at the front door with their coat and shoes.
That really helped me.
As others have said, your husband isn't the boss of you. You don't have to do what he says.
Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

I'm not seeing the issue. We go to bed at 10pm ish on holiday as that's our normal bedtime so we are naturally tired then. Just take out the changing back you normally do, stick baby in s sling if you are hiking or buggy if you are pottering around and just get on with it.

I don't understand why your husband makes you go to bed and get up even before the baby wakes up, that's just bizarre.

Holidays with babies and children aren't really holidays, we have 3 children aged 3 months to 5 years it is just same shit different location. They aren't a holiday in the true sense like pre children, in fact in many ways its even harder work having to think of extra things that you'd just have to hand at home. We don't go away thinking we are going to sit chilling on a beach or whatever though, we go away knowing that we'll be chasing kids around the beach, in and out the sea and generally not chilling in any way. I love going on holiday as a family, it isn't a relaxing break though.

In your case it sounds like your husband is more of the issue spoiling your holiday than the baby though.

@spanielstail

I'm not seeing the issue. We go to bed at 10pm ish on holiday as that's our normal bedtime so we are naturally tired then. Just take out the changing back you normally do, stick baby in s sling if you are hiking or buggy if you are pottering around and just get on with it.

The issue is you choose to go to bed at 10pm Op doesn’t want to but her partner makes her go

As others have said she’s got a husband problem rather than a child proble.

First holiday abroad to Spain with my first was a nightmare. He was one, self-catering which was just more chores, it was so hot and he refused to sleep. But we did find he was happiest when out doing normal holiday things like going to restaurants where he got fussed over. The year later we went to Greece I begged the receptionist to upgrade our our room to a 2 bed apartment and it was bliss. All inclusive (which I don’t usually like) also made life so much easier. It’s not the type of adventure/activity based holiday my husband and I would choose for ourselves, but now we have 2 kids I would defo go all inclusive again just to ensure we have a week of something different. You just have to change what you’re looking for.

Having said that, can’t go anywhere this year so have bought a tent. A 3 year old and 8 month old. Wish me luck.

I feel bad for everyone who finds holidays with their children such a misery, we live for ours! Why does it have to be so miserable?

Breakfast on the terrace or deck eating food from a foreign supermarket, walking around a place you've never been before with your baby, relaxing all rules and letting a 8 month old share your ice cream, family siestas, splashing in a pool with a toddler, meals out, pushing a sleeping baby around a museum... those are my experiences of holidays with young children and babies. It's not the same as when you were young and single, but surely no one expects it to be? Its still fun.

Note: unless you are staying in a single room hotel. In which case it is not fun and you have my sympathy. Sitting in silence in the bathroom at 7pm everynight is crap, it's a mistake you dont make twice!!

YANBU a true holiday from life is going away on your own.

A nice spa holiday with some books and a nice beach would be lovely. I don't think I'd even want nightlife, just no cooking, cleaning and childcare and doing exactly what I want. Bliss.

We always go camping/self catering and it is just the same domestic crap in a more unsafe place (have a two year old) but with the odd activity thrown in.

If he’s going to be anal over the babies routine you need to get her into a better one where she goes down much earlier and you have some free time in the evening. He does sound like a bit of a prick though.

They are different like everyone else is saying but also can be really great. We have just had a little break away with our 4 year old and 10 week old. Change your mindset, don't let the husband dictate when you get up and go to bed. If you can try enjoy doing things together but also when you need a chill you just have to tag team and take it in turns with the baby.

It’s true that holidays aren’t the same resting relaxing ones we used to have pre kids but they’re still holidays. We enjoy the lovely scenery, exploring the local area and just taking things at a slower pace.

This obviously isn’t happening for you because of your dh. He’s ridiculous with his controlling of your bedtime and waking you up. Are you sorting out all the food too or is he helping with stuff?
It sounds like it’s messy and stressful. He needs to help keep things a bit more organised.

Holidays with children are always going to be different than adult only holidays. I enjoy ours, they choose places to go we may not have thought of and will hopefully continue to travel once adults and continue to discover new places. We never self cater though as it’s not a holiday for me if we have to cook and clean.

Try to tone down the military operation a bit. Take one nappy and one reusable wipe out of going out for a few hours. Have a few spares in the car. Worst case you have to ditch it and come back with a poonami episode but 99% of the time you won't need anything else.

We used to find that kids would sleep on a sunbed in the afternoon, after a swim. We could then chill for a bit. That would also mean they stayed up late after the mini disco. I miss the mini disco days.

It does get better when they get older, mine are 3 and 5 now and we have loads of fun at the beach. Yes your holidays will never be the same and you never to accept that. On our next holiday abroad (hopefully next year...) our kids will be able to go to the kids club a few hours a day, they'll be making friends while we get a bit of sunbathing time.

All the same shit in a different place with more problems cropping up. It certainly is not a holiday.

It is different type of holiday, it it does get better as they get older.
I think your problems are stemming from DH, and from what you’ve said, this is ruining it;

1. he won’t tidy up - why not?
2. fixation on 10pm bedtime, the baby won’t know if you’re in bed or in next room watching TV and having a drink? You need some adult chill out time, and after the baby sleeps is the time to do it.
3. bring forced to get up at 7am even if baby isn’t awake - why are you mad?!? Stay in bed for goodness sake until the baby wakes up!