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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think holidays with a baby are not really a holiday?

248 replies

Thedigey · 02/07/2021 23:19

Just that really... currently on uk holiday with dh and 8 month old + 2 dogs and I’m really struggling. Am exhausted, have spent no quality time with dh, every time we want to go out it’s like a fucking military operation with all baby’s stuff. .. best time I’ve had has been on the beach with one of the dogs on my own running in the sea.. . Is it wrong I had more fun with him than my baby? Have been forced to go to bed at 10 every night.... what kind of holiday is this? I feel so depressed...the place we’re staying was originally booked nearly 2 years ago for last summer before even knew we’d be having a baby, it’s gorgeous and romantic but it’s turned into a baby junkyard 😱

OP posts:
Original poster
Thedigey · 03/07/2021 08:34

Baby goes to bed at 10 because when she was younger it was later and we’ve gradually brought it forward. We are working on bringing it forward further but neither of us need to be up at 6am for work so would prefer a 8-8 sleep than 7-6 or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thedigey · 03/07/2021 08:38

She doesn’t like being in baby carrier so when we’ve gone for a coastal walk or to beach have had to drag buggy about which is hard work. I guess I just miss going for a nice walk without having a whining baby and having to manage to push a buggy up hilly paths

OP posts:
DappledThings · 03/07/2021 08:40

It's the husband spoiling it not the baby. We had a lovely week in Malta when DS was 8 months. We went to loads of sites and museums, had loads of lovely food. Did all the things we would on a holiday before children.

Had one hotel room but with a balcony so every night we put him down to sleep and we sat on the balcony drinking and reading and having a lively relaxed time.

The " same shit different place" trope is so sad.

Zari29 · 03/07/2021 08:42

I disagree op. You seem to have made it much harder for yourself. Why on earth take 2 dogs?? That itself is one load of a headache you didn't really need to take on? We travelled from the time ds was 8 months and it was not that much harder. Ds was a reflux baby as well. You do not need to take the kitchen sink, just need to be practical and organized.

Hombadigada · 03/07/2021 08:46

Yep, it's not really a holiday with babies/young children. I'm fortunate to be able to go away with my parents who are happy to share the childcare load, so I at least get half a holiday.

Sexnotgender · 03/07/2021 08:47

I spent a month in South Africa when DS was 7 months old. Was not for a holiday but a family emergency and despite that it was pretty straightforward with him. We did do a few holiday things with him too when we were able to.

Original poster
Thedigey · 03/07/2021 08:49

@Zari29 the dogs are part of our family so I would always bring them. We’ve been on holiday with dogs before baby and it was fine, so it’s definitely the baby making it stressful, not the dogs, dogs haven’t restricted us

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 03/07/2021 08:52

My dh isn’t really a prick but can be on occasions.. he just seems to be anal over baby’s routine and if I don’t stick to routine and she has a bad night, I’ll be blamed

That is being a prick.

Let him take the baby in October. You stay home and stay up all night gaming/film watching/clubbing and sleep all day.

Holidays with babies/toddlers are hard work without one of you being an arse about it.

Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis · 03/07/2021 08:52

Is there anything you can do to look forward to the evenings without DH? So you aren't going to bed so early and are getting some downtime? Even a late walk with the dogs? Wine, book and nibbles etc.

It's never going to be the same pre-baby but you can still have a lovely time. Ask your husband to step up. And if he wants to go to bed early, that's his choice. But it doesn't have to be yours.

WombatChocolate · 03/07/2021 08:53

For me, the key to successful holidays with small children, was to go with friends.
The day times are consumed by the limits small children impose, but there are more adults to help with childcare and more friends for the kids to play with. Everyone can have a nice time. And in the evening the kids go to bed and the adults have a lovely meal and company. I’mtalking one big self catering cottage for 2 families to stay in.

If your holiday just becomes the drudgery of home life without your stuff that makes it easier, then it’s not fun.

All adults must be willing to help with childcare and do the necessary domestic tasks. Reduce the cooking with eating out at lunchtime (better for small kids than evenings) or takeaways or the best kinds of ready meals, or some lovely cooking, if there are enough adults to reduce the frequency of anyone needing to do it.

Have some wet weather plans, such a swimming and be prepared to spend on cream teas etc.

It can be hard work with little kids, but it gets easier once they can cope with staying up and not be foul the next day. For us, going with friends was the answer. But I know some people don’t have friends to holiday with or couldn’t imagine anything they would like less.

girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 08:53

[quote Thedigey]@Zari29 the dogs are part of our family so I would always bring them. We’ve been on holiday with dogs before baby and it was fine, so it’s definitely the baby making it stressful, not the dogs, dogs haven’t restricted us[/quote]
I don't understand why you're still insisting on blaming the baby when the issue is very clearly not the baby.

You're stressed because you're having no quality time with your husband because when the baby is sleeping you're either tidying up after your husband or going to sleep because he's told you you need to.

The baby will get used to the carrier and the motion will eventually settle them even if takes a little bit of time.

cocoloco987 · 03/07/2021 08:54

[quote Thedigey]@Zari29 the dogs are part of our family so I would always bring them. We’ve been on holiday with dogs before baby and it was fine, so it’s definitely the baby making it stressful, not the dogs, dogs haven’t restricted us[/quote]
You really think it's the baby though? And not your DH's rigid attitude, lack of help and strange and controlling ideas about when you must go to bed?

Pottedpalm · 03/07/2021 08:54

Of course it’s not the same; you can’t switch off and leave the baby to its town devices, as others have said, you need to lower your expectations and enjoy the change of scene and the seaside. If your attitude is that the baby is spoiling things and making it stressful, you will resent the baby.

valnevavaxx · 03/07/2021 08:56

I like all the posters answering sincerely about their lovely family holidays and giving OP advice for how to make it easier with her baby. RTFT! Her husband dictates when she goes to bed and wakes up, and doesn’t lift a finger tidying up after the baby. The holiday with children issue is a misnomer- this is a post about a woman with an abusive lazy prick of a husband.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/07/2021 08:57

OP, so what happens if you don't go to bed when your DH orders you to? You're an adult, you're allowed to choose your own bedtimes. What if you tell him that no thanks, I will go sit downstairs with a glass of wine?

Cowbells · 03/07/2021 08:58

It's tough because you are basically doing the same routine but in a less well-equipped place. But you do get tiny moments of holiday - like playing with the dog in the sea - that's lovely - and every holiday you have year on year will get easier and more fun. Try to make it as much of a break as you can. Don't cook. Buy take outs or eat out if you can. Or just food that takes 2 mins to prepare, like filled pastas, pesto and bag salad.

DH is there 24/7 not at work, so get him to take the baby for half a day while you have a lie in or go and potter on your own or hire a kayak or something! You could maybe book a boat ride somewhere. I watched a man climb a mountain with a baby on his back the other day. He was clearly determined to still have the holiday he wanted.

BarbarianMum · 03/07/2021 08:59

He makes you go to bed?

How?
What happens if you say no?
Babies do change things but that's kind of the point of them. I loved holidays with or without children but I do have friends who wouldn't go away til they were old enough to go in kids club.

Zari29 · 03/07/2021 09:00

Op you need to tackle the problem with your dh. Just imagine if he did his part, how much enjoyable the holiday would be. The next quiet hour you get alone, speak to him. You are not his housekeeper or employee. 8mo is actually a lovely age, as when they start walking its harder keeping up. You and dh each need to take turns of a lie in, you sort baby while he tidies up and swap. I still think the dogs do add to the workload though. Please don't blame the baby here, they are not the problem your dh is.

KatharinaRosalie · 03/07/2021 09:01

You still have to do all the same shit just in a different place.

But (finances allowing) you can choose a holiday where you can have someone to cook and clean and hot and cold running staff for everything else as well.
I would always turn my nose up at those All Inclusive resorts pre-kids, but they were so so brilliant with babies and toddlers.

WaspRelatedEmergency · 03/07/2021 09:03

I've enjoyed the holidays with our young children. I love a change of scene though and am quite easily pleased. Lower your expectations. Also you don't have to go to bed because your husband tells you to.
Regarding walks and the carrier, can you time a walk for baby's nap? Stick baby on your back, walk fast and ignore whinging. They'll fall asleep pretty quickly if tired.

Justgettingbye · 03/07/2021 09:03

10pm is late for us! It was 7/8 baby was knackered so went down for the night we'd eaten at 5/6 and just had the iPad to watch for the evening (this was a hotel though) in our shared room!

TheGumption · 03/07/2021 09:10

Put the baby in kennels next time!

Macncheeseballs · 03/07/2021 09:11

Some of my loveliest holiday memories are from when the kids were wee, I just love being in different places with them doing different things, there's always time to have a but of relaxation

Maray1967 · 03/07/2021 09:13

I had a great holiday in France with DS1 (8) and DS 2 (6 months) aside from a trip to A &E. there is no way we went to bed when the kids did! Kids in bed, adults outside on decking area with wine and nibbles until midnight. We did the beach , sightseeing, swimming and several days at Disneyland.
Yes, there will be more stuff around but I kept it tidy. DH not a great tidier as such but he did the driving and much of the cooking so fair deal.
The issue here is your DH.

MsHedgehog · 03/07/2021 09:19

Judging by what you’ve said, it sounds like it’s your DH who is making this holiday less enjoyable for you!