To think holidays with a baby are not really a holiday?

[Thedigey]

Just that really... currently on uk holiday with dh and 8 month old + 2 dogs and I’m really struggling. Am exhausted, have spent no quality time with dh, every time we want to go out it’s like a fucking military operation with all baby’s stuff. .. best time I’ve had has been on the beach with one of the dogs on my own running in the sea.. . Is it wrong I had more fun with him than my baby? Have been forced to go to bed at 10 every night.... what kind of holiday is this? I feel so depressed...the place we’re staying was originally booked nearly 2 years ago for last summer before even knew we’d be having a baby, it’s gorgeous and romantic but it’s turned into a baby junkyard 😱

Why is your DH dictating your schedule? He can go to sleep at 10pm and he can get up at 7am. Just refuse.

When our DC was that age, we went on a lovely UK beach holiday. The weather was rainy but DC just crawled along the beach in a waterproof suit, wore himself out and then we'd go to the pub with him flat out in the buggy. It wasn't the same as pre-DC holidays but it was nice.

With kids, I think you have to aim for 'nice' and not raise your expectations too much.

Dh still makes us go up to bed at 10 at home

Literally how does he do that?

What happens when you say no thank you, I'm good, you go on up and I'll join you later?

I find it’s all about the age and stage they are when you travel.

We found that the best holiday with our DD was when she was 5 months old. She wasn’t crawling or walking yet, slept a lot and was happy to sit and watch the world go by. She wasn’t weaned by then either.

From 6 months I’d say choose somewhere with childcare options for babies (most places with creches start from 6 months). Yes it’s more expensive but otherwise it’s just a waste of money as it’s not a break for anyone.

18 months for us was a very tough time as she was newly walking and really whingy! We’ll skip a holiday at that age with the next one!

Now that she’s 4 and at the age where she can go to most hotel kids clubs, she’s a breeze and we probably wouldn’t bother to use them!

Also who is dictating you go on the difficult trips with the buggy? Why not go somewhere with better paths like many NT properties have or round a town. All the outdoor eating due to covid means more places than ever are dog friendly. Why is dh not taking a turn pushing the buggy where it's tricky?

YANBU. I've been away on 2 UK holidays with DD who was 9 months recently.
She didn't sleep the whole time and will only nap in certain circumstances so it very much did feel like 'same sh*t, different scene' haha. Lovely to be with family who cuddled her lots and gave us a bit of time but I was ill upon returning from the stress of not sleeping well.

Also, the amount of stuff you have to pack especially with a weaning baby my goodness it's crazy!

Its probably a shock to the system! Hols with DC are very different ! You need to change mindset ,to "We are away for a few days ,a change is as good as a rest "sort of thing .ATM you are comparing it to previous hols with DH only .Maybe say as baby goes to sleep at 10 ,just have a glass of wine together? a little catch up .Does baby wake in the night? Is DH worried you will all be tired in the morning? what time does she wake up at?

I don't find it "same shit different place" either.

We chose carefully and booked eurocamp so that after tea we could put Ds to bed and sit out on the decking on a night. It was great. He had his own room, so did dss and then we had a room too.

We booked it again for the year after, and again for next year even though ds is now 5. I love it.

Going away just as a three sounds awful 😂 do you never go out just the three of you? Holiday is just that but sleeping somewhere different. I find it a bit sad you wouldn't want to go away with your partner and child if it meant spending it all together

We took our DS on caravan holidays at 6 months and 18 months. Just back from another caravan holiday and he's 28 months- I am knackered and need another holiday away on my own to recover! I'm told it gets better as they get older...

I have loved holidays even with my kids since they were born. Life is so much easier and enjoyable BUT (and it's important) it meant 2 adults instead of one! If your partner refuses to help, that's not great.

I just planned them taking babies and kids into account to make the most of it.

Trying to replicate an adult holiday is not going to work.

We used to leave DD with her granny, it was ace.

I think taking the dogs is too much as well (and I adore dogs ,my own and other peoples)Maybe get some kennel/friends to look after them next time ?

I went away with our DD at 8 months old in a self catering holiday lodge with hot tub. Tbh I didn’t have high expectations and was prepared to be up all night etc. We had a great time. DD was up once the first night then slept through the others. We planned wee outings to outdoor stuff and planned nap time around when we would be in the car (she always slept in car well). I suppose it depends if your baby sleeps/naps well and isn’t too fussy re.food. She also was sleeping in her own room at home so we just set the cot up in the other room. She had slept in the travel cot when visiting family so it wasn’t completely foreign to her, and the lodge had amazing blackout blinds - better than our house so she wasn’t distracted by the room as it was pitch black. I was able to go in the hot tub with hubby with some bubbly once she was down for the night for a few hours and over the one nap time she had at the lodge. Felt amazing as I hadn’t been in one since before being pregnant. My DH is hands on though and made a point of doing bedtime while So I got longer in the hot tub on one of the nights. Otherwise only issue we had was it took DD a bit longer to fall asleep - we were still rocking her to sleep at that point.

We did a similar trip to another lodge with her at 18mo and again it was the same. Had a great time but definitely not our normal pre-kid type holidays by any stretch but was able to get some rest and relaxation in. We are looking forward to travelling further afield next year once restrictions lift. We aren’t big drinkers though and plan on taking DD in shifts to give the other a parent a break if we feel we need it.

@SleepingStandingUp DS is only 13 months so we haven’t had too many chances with lockdown. I was keeping it lighthearted but having had a baby who basically didn’t sleep until he was 10 months and subsequent significant post natal anxiety and insomnia that’s only just getting better, yes, the thought of going away at the moment still sounds like more or a stress than a pleasure. But thanks for the causal judgement.

@dottiedodah

Its probably a shock to the system! Hols with DC are very different ! You need to change mindset ,to "We are away for a few days ,a change is as good as a rest "sort of thing .ATM you are comparing it to previous hols with DH only .Maybe say as baby goes to sleep at 10 ,just have a glass of wine together? a little catch up .Does baby wake in the night? Is DH worried you will all be tired in the morning? what time does she wake up at?

DH only need to concern himself with his own tiredness though. As an adult OP should be allowed to choose to trade off feeling a bit tired for a nice couple of hours relaxing in the evening on holiday

Also, the amount of stuff you have to pack especially with a weaning baby my goodness it's crazy!
You can choose how much you bring. I don't think we brought anything for a week abroad with a weaning 8 month old bar 3 or 4 pouches for times we found ourselves stuck. Other than that he ate bits of whatever we had.

And yes we go out all the time, this is entirely different to packing up for a two week holiday. I’m writing this from the car en route to a national trust property with a steam train and a play area. Im really looking forward to our day.

The only holiday I’ve ever enjoyed with a baby was a cruise

Free night nursery with pager. Qualified childcare staff all very safe.

I’m a backpacker kind of traveller and I loved it!

I will never forget my sister calling me in tears having driven for days to see “balamory” with a 4 year older and a 2 year old only to realise that the kids wanted to watch balamory on the telly, not see it in real life and so she was stuck in a drab B&B, watching ceebeebies, whilst it pushed down!

Oooh also re reading all the threads, holidays are hard work with a baby but tbh your husband sounds like he's making it harder!

He needs to help out more so that you're both doing the tidying - however, if your baby wakes early then I can see why it's a good idea to go to bed early otherwise you spend the next day feeling like shit.

i tried with DS1. Nightmare

Yeah it's your husband thats the problem here not the baby

Whilst all the jolly back backing, laid back, cool mom anecdotes are very breezy in a ‘jolly hockey sticks, pull your socks up dear’ kind of way, I hope you’re ok OP. You DO have a husband with issues around control. Your language about your baby is concerning if it’s indicative of how you feel 24/7. Is post natal depression something you’ve considered before?

He needs to help out more so that you're both doing the tidying - however, if your baby wakes early then I can see why it's a good idea to go to bed early otherwise you spend the next day feeling like shit.

Except the baby doesn't wake early. OP's DH wakes her to get up at 7am whilst baby is still fast asleep!

Just on our way back from a UK holiday with an almost 4 year old and 9 month old. It was hard because they have the same needs as they do at home only in a smaller space. It was fine though, baby is in bed for 6.45pm, 4 year old I'm bed for 8ish and then i read/ played scrabble/ watched TV/ had a few drinks.

I arent sure the baby is the problem here, tell your husband you're not going to bed.