To think holidays with a baby are not really a holiday?

[Thedigey]

Just that really... currently on uk holiday with dh and 8 month old + 2 dogs and I’m really struggling. Am exhausted, have spent no quality time with dh, every time we want to go out it’s like a fucking military operation with all baby’s stuff. .. best time I’ve had has been on the beach with one of the dogs on my own running in the sea.. . Is it wrong I had more fun with him than my baby? Have been forced to go to bed at 10 every night.... what kind of holiday is this? I feel so depressed...the place we’re staying was originally booked nearly 2 years ago for last summer before even knew we’d be having a baby, it’s gorgeous and romantic but it’s turned into a baby junkyard 😱

Stop letting your husband 'make' you go to bed. Is it not possible to say "No dh, I am not going to bed when the baby goes to bed." If it is too difficult to not obey your husband, you have a much bigger problem than bedtimes.

We've always enjoyed holidays with our dc, even when they were small, almost always camping or self-catering, because who wants to be stuck in a hotel room for the evening?! Not sure why going out anywhere would have to be a military operation any more than when you go out from home tbh.

This all appears to be a husband problem. He sounds like a complete arse.

Is your DH like this at home?

So it isn’t the baby spoiling the holiday but your husband.

We went abroad a lot when children were younger. In Spain 10pm is sitting down at a restaurant time with baby in a buggy

We just did similar to what we would normally do, just did it with baby in tow. I don’t think I have been to bed at 10pm since I was a child.

The dogs and the the baby aren't your problem! Your husband is!

You aren't getting "8-8 sleep" and neither is the baby, so I'm not sure how that can be working for you?

You are being told to go to bed at 10pm and told to get up at 7am! What is his reasoning for this?

Bloody hell just read the bit about your enforced bed time, bugger that, tell your dh to stick it

Agree, holidays with young children are harder than being at home sometimes. It's better when they get a bit older and you can pick a hotel with a kids club/babysitting service to get a small amount of downtime which you can balance with spending time with them.

@zafferana

6) Leave the bloody dogs at home!

leave the bloody husband at home

A holiday with small children isn't a holiday. It's telling your kids off and getting annoyed in a different location...

How is your relationship with your baby at home?
And yes your DH is very definitely an issue.

[quote Thedigey]@Zari29 the dogs are part of our family so I would always bring them. We’ve been on holiday with dogs before baby and it was fine, so it’s definitely the baby making it stressful, not the dogs, dogs haven’t restricted us[/quote]
Please stop blaming the baby. It isn't the baby. It's the man who is making you get up early even when the baby is asleep and the man making you go to bed even though the baby is asleep. Yes babies require the same crap different location but if he wasn't a controlling arse you'd have a much nicer time! We took a baby on O2 on holiday, were taking twin toddlers soon - it'll be chaos and hard work but fun because we support not control each other

Depends what you enjoy. We have simple expectations, are happy to sit on a sandy beach in the UK, don't need it especially hot. We both work so for us any time Sith the kids is precious. Our kids go to bed well at 7pm and we enjoy our evenings together, so we tend to plan a nice lunch somewhere, smaller one will nap in the pram while we eat, we take colouring/stickers to help keep bigger one occupied.

Your husband is a controlling prick. He's the problem not your baby.

If you can't tell your husband you don't want to go to bed when he says so there is a problem.

Holidays with babies are more of a logistical operation. It gets easier once they are older. Our son was 4 on our last big holiday (before COVID) and we had an absolutely wonderful time.

@Thedigey

She doesn’t like being in baby carrier so when we’ve gone for a coastal walk or to beach have had to drag buggy about which is hard work. I guess I just miss going for a nice walk without having a whining baby and having to manage to push a buggy up hilly paths

Is it you who thinks the baby has ruined your nice holiday or is it the controlling husband who tells you it's the baby? Did you feel pressured into continuing the pregnancy when you didn't want to? I'm trying to work out why you're blaming a helpless baby rather than addressing the real issue

If you find holidays with small children hard then you are doing it all wrong.

I was with Dd who was not quite 2 years old for 10 days in the US when Dh was ill in hospital. We had a brilliant time on our own and I can honestly say we were always out and about at 10pm.
Went to visit daddy in hospital then the day was ours and we did loads of things.
Dd can’t remember any of it but I think at the time she thought she was properly grown up going out to dinner with mummy in the evening.

I think if you start to restrict yourself then you are not going to have a great time.

You might not be able to go to certain restaurants or the comedy club or clubbing but everything else is up for a go.

OP was the baby unexpected? Your holiday was booked before you 'knew' you were having a baby... Presumably though, in the intervening time it could've been changed?
If not, maybe this is why you blame your baby and not an inappropriate holiday, unhelpful husband (and looking after two dogs too) for feeling stressed and exhausted.

I found being on holiday with small babies hard too, but it came down to managing expectations and working together as a team. We now have great memories of being away with our babies - some are of how hard it was, but mostly my husband and I reflect on how very quickly that time passed, and how precious it actually was.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I remember wonderful times camping when my son was little. He'd crawl around naked and we d have great fun messing about in the sea and having day trips. He was always a sweetie in his pushchair he never made a fuss. As we were camping we were dirty most of the time but who cares it was great. I never went to bed at 10 we stayed up outside the tent while he slept having a few drinks and listening to music. We used to go away with childless friends to Ireland once a year too to a cottage with no heating or running water in Ireland and had an amazing time.

When DS was 4 we all decided to climb Crogh Patrick a mountain in Mayo on one of these Ireland holidays and he did it, we were so proud of him. he was so proud of himself. He was such a trouper. My friend who has an autistic son who is non verbal took him on a trip round the world in the most basic of conditions, she always was highly adventurous and it was the very best year of their lives. It made a huge difference to his autism and he has been so much more confident and happy since they went travelling. Its a state of mind, you don't need routine when you are away, stay up half the night who cares. My baby picked up on the fact we were all so much more relaxed and happy and was happier himself. We've went on boating holidays, camping holidays, we've been to Mauritius, there was nowhere we wouldn't go with DS when he was a baby. And this was the days of terry nappies. He's 40 now and a very adventurous and happy person. Let your hair down a bit. people have been having babies for thousands of years and haven't worried about obsessive routines. We even went on a walking holiday once, 30 miles a day with baby in a back sling. We had a great time. Minimum baby junk and a tiny tent.

So jealous of all the people who went exciting travelling with their babies

[quote Thedigey]@Kanaloa yeah obviously I knew it would be different but guess I’m struggling with that. Just don’t get why he’s making us all go to bed. I mean surely after she’s asleep, we could go downstairs and chill/watch something for an hour or 2, have a drink 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Of course you could. Why are you letting him do this?

This reminds me of the first holiday with my DD when she was the same age as yours.

Ten hour drive to a gite where we met my DM and stepDF who were already there. DH (now ex) disappeared to local watering hole with StepDF and that basically set the tone for the whole 'holiday'. To say the gite was a shithole would be an understatement. Why my DM thought it would be a great idea . I literally couldn't put DD down the whole ten days we were there, every surface was filthy or lethal.

Ten days of hell. No help from DH or DPs. No offer to babysit once. Basically a holiday for DH and StepDF. We stayed in a hotel on the way home to get clean on the way home and guess who was the bad guy for not enthusing about how lovely it had all been!

In hindsight would have been better to stay home with DD, certainly easier, and send DH on the holiday. Then take a break on my own (unlikely).

Agree with you Op holidays with babies just more work but could be better if people help or you get to take me time fairly.

If you can handle them, I suggest either going away with parents or in laws. Went away to Cornwall with my inlaws when DS was about 10 months. MIL is an absolute delight and was happy to have DS all to herself meaning DH and I really did have a holiday! Going away just as a three sounds awful 😂

I’d agree with others that your relationship sounds problematic.

One thing I had learned though, by baby number two, is that you don’t need half the paraphernalia you thought you needed with baby 1. I travelled all over with little more than the basics, such as nappies and a changing mat.

If another adult insisted to wake me from sleep at 7am on holiday for no reason while dc and dog were still happily asleep i couldn't be responsible for my actions - why are you tolerating it. Tell him not to do it again. Why do you have to go to bed when he does. You're a separate person and can enjoy some peace and a drink alone.

Admittedly we haven't done lots in the way of holidays yet due to finances and we've never been away just the three of us - but I think YABU. It's clear from your comments that your DH is the problem particularly if your baby is sleeping lovely all night. One of the biggest difficulties we've had going away is that DD always slept really badly the first night or two anywhere and gradually improved each night we were away, so we were always very sleep deprived and exhausted and had to go to bed quite early anyway rather than enjoy the evenings to prepare for the regular night wakings to get enough sleep. Whereas at home she mostly slept all night no bother so that's the thing I find most difficult about going away as even if you have a nice time the exhaustion can be dragging sometimes.

Having said that, we've still always enjoyed ourselves on the whole doing more of things we wouldn't normally do like eating out/takeaways, scenery that we rarely visit like forests/beaches and exploring other cities, watching her enjoy activities now she's a toddler, relaxing our eating habits, and so far all our hols have been with other family or friends so spending quality time with them too and having very limited cleaning up/chores to do are all additional bonuses. We've also never gone and done anything very expensive because we wouldn't want to risk that amount of money knowing with a baby/toddler things can go pear shaped sometimes and we wouldn't want to be so stressed about the waste of money if it didn't work out. We have booked a local caravan park holiday for next summer when we will have an almost 4yr old and an 8 month old and am really looking forward to it, my main concern is whether our unborn baby will sleep ok.

@Thedigey

My dh isn’t really a prick but can be on occasions.. he just seems to be anal over baby’s routine and if I don’t stick to routine and she has a bad night, I’ll be blamed

I mean he sure sounds like a prick and I say that as a person who had a baby in s good routine.