To think holidays with a baby are not really a holiday?

[Thedigey]

Just that really... currently on uk holiday with dh and 8 month old + 2 dogs and I’m really struggling. Am exhausted, have spent no quality time with dh, every time we want to go out it’s like a fucking military operation with all baby’s stuff. .. best time I’ve had has been on the beach with one of the dogs on my own running in the sea.. . Is it wrong I had more fun with him than my baby? Have been forced to go to bed at 10 every night.... what kind of holiday is this? I feel so depressed...the place we’re staying was originally booked nearly 2 years ago for last summer before even knew we’d be having a baby, it’s gorgeous and romantic but it’s turned into a baby junkyard 😱

"my dh literally forces us all to bed at 10 because that’s when baby goes to bed..."

Sorry what?!

You're blaming the baby for changing the dynamic when it's your husband. Tell him to get fucked, he's forcing you to go to bed? That's beyond bizarre.

Our holidays with kids have always been brilliant! We love it.

[quote AliceW89]@SleepingStandingUp DS is only 13 months so we haven’t had too many chances with lockdown. I was keeping it lighthearted but having had a baby who basically didn’t sleep until he was 10 months and subsequent significant post natal anxiety and insomnia that’s only just getting better, yes, the thought of going away at the moment still sounds like more or a stress than a pleasure. But thanks for the causal judgement.[/quote]
Well I do think it's sad that you're having a rough time right now. Hopefully as things ease and sleep improves things will feel better

I’ve loved taking my little girl on holidays, it’s not as relaxing pre-child of course but they’ve been fab.

Your husband is the problem not the baby

We are driving off on a holiday with our one year old baby this very minute I'm hoping it's not crap, you've put the shits up me now OP!

We went on a few trips when our wee one was 4 months and 8 months and yes, it was hard work. But it was also a relief to have DP there with us everyday and not have to wrangle her on my own.

But she went to sleep at 7ish and we'd then have some wine and relax. I'm lolling at the idea of DP forcing me to bed though... He'd be told very swiftly to feck off and leave me in peace with my Netflix and snacks!

Admittedly my kids are teens now, but I don’t remember it being as hard as you describe when they were small. We did camping and U.K. caravan holidays and always had a good time. In many ways it was easier babies and small kids are easier (and cheaper) to entertain than moaning teens. We’re going on our first U.K. holiday in 5 years this year as can’t be arsed with all the testing for abroad and just know it’s going to cost a small fortune in food and activities! I’m sure we’ll still have a good time though.

It sounds like your DH and his need to rigidly stick to a routine is the issue here. It’s much more enjoyable if you can just go with the flow and let the baby just fit in around everything else. Obviously not as relaxing as pre kids, but still completely enjoyable.

Also a few things that really helped when we were on hols with a baby... Time naps for when you are driving somewhere, so you're not stuck inside for naptime. You said your baby doesn't like the sling, have you tried a back sling at all? It might help as prams on difficult terrain are a pain if you don't have the right pram! And always have a backpack ready to go with nappies, some small toys, a few clothes, water and and a banana or whatever snacks your baby likes.

I hope it gets better OP!

Also, the amount of stuff you have to pack especially with a weaning baby my goodness it's crazy!
Bibs and maybe a clip on high chair?

In many ways it was easier babies and small kids are easier (and cheaper) to entertain than moaning teens.
I agree. DS is 15 now and while it wasn't difficult when he was a baby I'd say the best time for holidays with children is age two (and out of nappies) to age eight. I really miss holidays when he was little.

@LikeTheOceansWeRise it might sound cheesy, but I found it's only as shit as you make it.

Baby might be unsettled and not sleep as well or need more naps. You can feel bitter about missing out on doing things or you can use their nap time to relax with a coffee, or let them nap in the pram while you walk around some shops.

Feeding will be different than at home, but new experiences of pubs/restaurants, eating outside and watching the world go by will be a distraction. I found with my 9month old, we could just wheel the pram to beside the table (if the pub didn't have high chairs) and she sat in there, trying some of our meals or picking at a plate of snacks for her lunch.

Also, the amount of stuff for a weaning baby?

We took a foldaway high chair/seat adapter thing but never used it. Everywhere either had high chairs or we just had DD strapped into her pushchair at the table.

If you're staying in the UK, local supermarkets will sell pouches/purées and milk if that's what you need.

We took (DD was 9 months old)
A bag of snacks
A few pouches
A box of porridge for her breakfast
Pre made formula for her bottles
A small Tupperware dish to use as a snack box while out and about
2 baby spoons

But we could've easily picked up the food items once we arrived

Also, the amount of stuff you have to pack especially with a weaning baby my goodness it's crazy!

It's really not; bibs, spoon, bowl, cup & a few pouches / give them food you're eating.

Babies are great. A holiday with a baby can be just as nice as one without. They like sitting in restaurants watching sunsets too, being babies, as they just sleep or don't comment. You don't necessarily need "baby stuff" (the only people who benefit from all that are the people who sell 'baby stuff') and we'd just go out with a pushchair, which contains a slimline wallet of spare nappies and it folded out into a changing mat.

If you're being forced to bed at 10pm by an idiot husband, though, that's an idiot husband problem. Evenings are for sitting in the garden with a glass of wine or doing something together.

The baby's 'routine' doesn't have to really change anything if you don't let it. Honestly, you find with your first baby you're all rigid and miserable, and with the second and subsequent babies, you're a lot more relaxed and realise the baby can quite easily fit around your life and not the other way around.

[quote Thedigey]@joesm12 yep that’s what we seem to be lacking as currently it’s basically lights out as soon as baby goes down and I don’t get why.[/quote]
Sorry to chime in with lots of other people and it's probably not what you want to hear... but your baby isn't the problem

Your DH is either on the Autustic spectrum or a controlling man. I won't call him names as that's hard to hear, I know. But honestly he's much worse that you realise (or are willing to admit) You need to face up to this now and get it sorted or it will get incrementally worse until you have no life, no autonomy and are seriously unhappy

WTAF is he making you get up when your baby is sleeping? Take your life back!!🌹

I haven't had a holiday with my DC since becoming a single parent nearly 19 years ago, but when we had holidays before that I always loved it, always had a great time with them, always more relaxed, more laid back.

Was always sad when it was time to go home.

[quote Thedigey]@Zari29 the dogs are part of our family so I would always bring them. We’ve been on holiday with dogs before baby and it was fine, so it’s definitely the baby making it stressful, not the dogs, dogs haven’t restricted us[/quote]
It’s not the baby it’s your husband who’s making it stressful.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

holidays with kids are never a holiday but a change of scenery. no matter what age or number

Total rot. Your might not be...mine are bloody awesome!

@Thedigey

My dh isn’t really a prick but can be on occasions.. he just seems to be anal over baby’s routine and if I don’t stick to routine and she has a bad night, I’ll be blamed

He really is a prick though.

To add to my previous post, DD would go in a baby backpack, which I would really recommend if you haven’t already tried it. She was hit or miss in a sling but this worked really well. We brought pushchair but it stayed in the car the whole time. Also food wise it was easy to pack stuff like ellas kitchen food packets, baby porridge for breakfast, easy fruit like bananas and pasta/red sauce and her milk. We’d have a snack or something to ‘eat with her’ then get a take away or had oven food like pizza later on if we wanted it. Meant we didn’t really do much ‘self catering’ other than for baby and between 2 adults was ok. I would definitely not plan on really cooking for adults on a self catering trip with a baby. Would make the clean up harder.

But I’m sorry you had a rubbish time and hope things will get better for you next trip. No way would I tolerate being made to get up at 7 if my baby was still asleep while on holiday. If your DH is a morning person can he not just get on with it himself and let you sleep in a bit for 1 morning?

Yanbu. I went on holiday with Pil and our 4 dc when dc4 was 2 months old (booked before I was accidentally pregnant with dc4). I was exclusively pumping so I spent the majority of the holiday in various cafes with dc4 and the breast pump.

I never went on holiday until my lo was 3 and then I went on my own and left him with his dad!

@Thedigey, the situation you are describing is one where your H has decided to cope with the arrival of the baby by attempting to place himself above you as an authority figure in your own home, whether because he is naturally a misogynistic jerk, over anxious about the baby being upset, or because he copes with change by becoming controlling.

Insisting on a bedtime of 10pm is controlling in the extreme. Blaming you if the baby wakes is pure abuse. It keeps you on edge, and overinvested for the wrong reasons in baby having a peaceful night, adding an extra layer of anxiety to your life.

He doesn't pitch in to 'adult' with you - no picking up of baby things or tidying for him; no, that would look and feel too much like mutual respect and equality between the two of you in his eyes.

His maladjustment to the change in your lives poses a huge danger to your marriage and to your own precious sense of self esteem, and also to your standard of living (should you separate).

You MUST address what he is doing.

It is toxic.

Your husband is making it stressful, not your baby. He is the one enforcing bedtime, not your baby.

Your husband sound terrible and really controlling and I feel sorry for your baby and what kind of childhood they are going to have, already they are being blamed for something that is not their fault.