Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think holidays with a baby are not really a holiday?

248 replies

Thedigey · 02/07/2021 23:19

Just that really... currently on uk holiday with dh and 8 month old + 2 dogs and I’m really struggling. Am exhausted, have spent no quality time with dh, every time we want to go out it’s like a fucking military operation with all baby’s stuff. .. best time I’ve had has been on the beach with one of the dogs on my own running in the sea.. . Is it wrong I had more fun with him than my baby? Have been forced to go to bed at 10 every night.... what kind of holiday is this? I feel so depressed...the place we’re staying was originally booked nearly 2 years ago for last summer before even knew we’d be having a baby, it’s gorgeous and romantic but it’s turned into a baby junkyard 😱

OP posts:
HarebrightCedarmoon · 03/07/2021 07:30

YANBU. In a way it was more stressful being away when they were little. We started going away with inlaws so that we did get a little bit of time to ourselves when they had the kids. It gets easier as they get older, though obviously still very child centred. Easier when they can stay up later and sleep in.

FakeFruitShoot · 03/07/2021 07:31

I suppose it depends on what a "holiday" means to you. We'd always had sightseeing, hiking, camping, National Trust holidays - active but not adventurous. It's lovely being able to introduce our kids to those things. We've only been abroad to Disneyland since kids though.

I wonder if some of it comes down to expectations? And having a partner who pitches in of course. There are different ways of relaxing I suppose.

We do lots of 3, 4, 5 night breaks... self catering usually but don't actually do any cooking other than maybe bacon cobs.

mindutopia · 03/07/2021 07:41

It doesn't get better! Holidays with kids are not enjoyable.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 03/07/2021 07:41

Adjust your expectations.

I enjoy the little moments on holiday with young children. A hot cup of tea overlooking some new scenery. A delicious meal, wolfed down while DH rocks the baby outside.

It will get better! In the meantime, squeeze whatever enjoyment you can put of it and focus on those moments.

hidethexylophone · 03/07/2021 07:43

I agree with everyone else, your DH is the issue here, not the baby. Holidays with children are different, but lower your expectations and go with the flow a bit more. The point of having a good routine is that you should be able to relax it for a few days and then slip back into it when you get home because it's well established.

When you get home, I would suggest trying to move your baby's routine forward so they're going to bed closer to 7pm. They may get up earlier then, but it will give you some adult time back in the evenings.

OneAlabamaReturn · 03/07/2021 07:45

Well, tbe slight drip feed here is that your husband is the main problem. Hes making a poor situation awful.

Having said that there is absolutely no way I would have gone on holiday with a baby & 2 dogs..I'm not sure how that would ever work. Dogs would have been in kennels/ dog boarder for a start IF we were going on holiday.

Holidays with babies/toddlers/kids are best when taken with family or friends, as you can share babysitting and childcare around, ensuring child free times..even full days out.

shouldistop · 03/07/2021 07:47

Why don't you put the baby to bed at 7pm then you can have the evening together?
Nearly everyone I know who has babies that age (me included) put them to bed much earlier than 10pm.
I have a 4yo & 7mo and we've been away a few times this year and had a good time. Obviously holidays are different, life is different than before children but that's the choice we made.
I've had 4 more years to get used to it though I suppose!

Twelvetimestwo · 03/07/2021 07:50

@mindutopia

It doesn't get better! Holidays with kids are not enjoyable.
Pretty sure when I was younger we'd all just swim all day and my parents read books and sunbathed.
AbstractHeart · 03/07/2021 07:51

It gets so much better when they're old enough to appreciate it though. I'm currently on a caravan holiday with 2.5yo DS and 9mo DD; yes the place is a tip and last night we went to bed at 10pm, BUT seeing DS thriving in the change of scene and loving all the kid-focused activities we've been doing makes it all worth while!

Twelvetimestwo · 03/07/2021 07:55

@AbstractHeart

It gets so much better when they're old enough to appreciate it though. I'm currently on a caravan holiday with 2.5yo DS and 9mo DD; yes the place is a tip and last night we went to bed at 10pm, BUT seeing DS thriving in the change of scene and loving all the kid-focused activities we've been doing makes it all worth while!
This strikes fear into my heart.
MsSquiz · 03/07/2021 07:55

I don't understand why the baby get the blame in the title, when actually all of your issues with your holiday stem from your husband?

We did a uk holiday last summer with dd who was 9 months and we loosely stuck to our routine, but of course something had to change, nap times and some bedtimes were slightly later. But we would go out in the morning, come back for afternoon nap (sometimes we also had a nap, sometimes we sat on the terrace with a drink) then we'd go back out in the afternoon, stay out for dinner and come back. DD's bath and bedtime, then we'd watch tv or have a few drinks and go to bed (often me before DH as is usually the way in our house! I would never think of telling him when he had to go to bed!)

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 03/07/2021 07:56

I'm not a pet owner so don't shoot me down but could you get someone to look after the dogs next time , less for you to do on holiday then while your baby is still quite young ?
Next time you'll know what to expect and maybe you can plan some stuff ?
It is hard , we did lots of holidays from ds being 8 weeks old ! Each time it got better as we were more prepared and had the right equipment to make our lives easier .all of a sudden he was 4 years old and thats when things got so much easier. He's 7 now and a great little traveller

kowari · 03/07/2021 07:58

If you put a baby to bed at 7pm then the only 'adult time' you can have is stuck in the next room. 10pm allows a later dinner out or evening walk enjoying the long evenings.

Husbandno4 · 03/07/2021 07:59

@Kanaloa

I think the key is to change your expectations to match reality. If you expect it to be a romantic getaway like you would have had pre-baby then you will be disappointed. We’ve always relaxed routines as well when on holidays and been more lax about bedtimes and such.
This
  • it’s likely to be what you make of it. How come you have so much stuff? And why isn’t your husband helping? Does he need a bit of a break too?
AbstractHeart · 03/07/2021 08:00

@Twelvetimestwo Haha, which bit? The caravan? It's SO much better than being crammed into a single hotel room!

BobbidyBob · 03/07/2021 08:01

I think you probably know deep down the problem here is your husband rather than the baby.

I have an 1 year old and a 3 year old and we’ve just got back from a countryside cottage holiday in the south. It’s been really lovely, not what it was pre-kids but my husband pulls his weight so we split the hard stuff. Plenty time in the evenings to have a glass of wine and watch a film, or sit outside with a book. It does get easier as they get older, but your husband also needs an attitude adjustment.

dottymac · 03/07/2021 08:02

Doesn't change any time soon I'm afraid - I've a 7 and 4 year old and it's just the same jobs and responsibilities but in a different place 😅 it's been described to me as a busman's holiday. I'm sure when they're teenagers it'll improve 😬🙂

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 03/07/2021 08:03

@Thedigey

My dh isn’t really a prick but can be on occasions.. he just seems to be anal over baby’s routine and if I don’t stick to routine and she has a bad night, I’ll be blamed
“On occasions” .. you mean like every single night when he’s forcing you into the sleep routine of an 8 month old. “On occasions” when he’s not contributing to keeping the holiday home (and I’m guessing your home too) tidy? Make excuses all you want OP but until you get a sense of perspective nothing will change. A couple of hours of adult time with your partner on an evening after baby is asleep could change how you’re feeling, give you more time to connect. You need to communicate with him.
grey12 · 03/07/2021 08:03

Holidays are to rest the head not the body Wink

bunburyscucumbersandwich · 03/07/2021 08:04

My mum always told me that babies fit around you, not the other way round!

And it's true. You have a husband problem, not a baby one.

You go to bed when you want.

You do things that you enjoy with your baby alongside.

Honestly, it doesn't seem like a holiday as you've probably taken the dogs with you too. It's the same as home, maybe next time get someone else to look after them. Then you've not got to worry about the dogs (as they are limiting more than a child in terms of places you can go and things you can do with them!).

zafferana · 03/07/2021 08:04

Your first holiday with a baby will be a rude awakening. I well remember really looking forward to going away, memories of relaxing, fun, spontaneous pre-DC holidays still fresh in my mind, and then crying when I realised that those kind of holidays were firmly in the past.

From bitter experience I would recommend from now on:

  1. Lower your expectations
  2. Choose destinations that will make your life easy with a DC (a separate bedroom, child-friendly food/mealtimes, a playground/toddler pool/gently shelving beach, etc)
  3. Choose a holiday that provides childcare
  4. Take your DPs with you, if you get on okay and they're willing babysitters
  5. Leave DC with grandparents and go away with your DH - even just for a weekend - it's bliss!
zafferana · 03/07/2021 08:06
  1. Leave the bloody dogs at home!
Twelvetimestwo · 03/07/2021 08:06

My mum always told me that babies fit around you, not the other way round!

I've never met a baby who has got this memo!

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 03/07/2021 08:07

I remember wonderful times camping when my son was little. He'd crawl around naked and we d have great fun messing about in the sea and having day trips. He was always a sweetie in his pushchair he never made a fuss. As we were camping we were dirty most of the time but who cares it was great. I never went to bed at 10 we stayed up outside the tent while he slept having a few drinks and listening to music. We used to go away with childless friends to Ireland once a year too to a cottage with no heating or running water in Ireland and had an amazing time.

gemloving · 03/07/2021 08:07

@Toomuchspinning

Most of mumsnet will agree with you, but I’m afraid I don’t.

It’s fine that you enjoyed the time with the dog best.

But why does the baby mean you have to go to bed at 10pm? And I don’t see what all the stuff is? Nappies/wipes/milk if formula feeding… spare clothes? Surely just your normal change bag will suffice like it does at home?

Hope it picks up for you.

I agree. I have a 2 year old and an 8 week old and we enjoy time away from home.

I understand people mourn their old life where they basically do what they want but I also often feel like people have children without knowing the impact it will have on their lives.

Swipe left for the next trending thread