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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think holidays with a baby are not really a holiday?

248 replies

Thedigey · 02/07/2021 23:19

Just that really... currently on uk holiday with dh and 8 month old + 2 dogs and I’m really struggling. Am exhausted, have spent no quality time with dh, every time we want to go out it’s like a fucking military operation with all baby’s stuff. .. best time I’ve had has been on the beach with one of the dogs on my own running in the sea.. . Is it wrong I had more fun with him than my baby? Have been forced to go to bed at 10 every night.... what kind of holiday is this? I feel so depressed...the place we’re staying was originally booked nearly 2 years ago for last summer before even knew we’d be having a baby, it’s gorgeous and romantic but it’s turned into a baby junkyard 😱

OP posts:
bouncydog · 03/07/2021 06:44

We flew off to France when our DD was 6 months. We had a fabulous time - bought a lightweight buggy that laid flat and took her out and about as normal. In the evenings we went out for dinner as we normally would and took her with us and when she was tired she had a sleep. It was one of the best holidays we had - a lot easier than when she was 2 and running around. You don’t have to go to bed at 10 p.m. if you don’t want to - you can choose to stay up!

Therealjudgejudy · 03/07/2021 06:51

This post is ridiculous. You are blaming a baby when its actually you bullying prick of a husband who is the problem and is ruining your holiday...Confused

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/07/2021 06:54

Sounds crap OP, you should be able to put the baby to bed and chill out

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 03/07/2021 06:54

Surely the dogs restrict where you can go more than a baby. You could have put them in kennels and taken baby to a hotel if you wanted a break, at least that way you'd have only had to look after your child and someone else would be taking care of you.

MsTSwift · 03/07/2021 06:55

When we had a toddler and baby we spent the price of a family holiday on 2 nights in posh local hotel while they went to my parents. We figured we got a real break that way albeit a short one!

SheldonandAmy · 03/07/2021 06:57

It depends what you make of it. Holidays are never going to be the same as pre children but if you adjust your expectations you should find something to enjoy.

Hoppinggreen · 03/07/2021 07:04

I have had some lovely holidays when my 2 were small. I was a sahp and DH did more kid stuff on holidays than usual so I got a break.
Plus he’s not a Dick
The baby isn’t the problem here OP

Dentistlakes · 03/07/2021 07:10

I agree op, holidays with children aren’t the same. They can still be enjoyable though and it will get better. Now our DC older we can do more and stay out later. 5am wake ups are non existent (more like 9am plus!) and we feel less exhausted. Now it’s me chomping at the bit to get going in the morning not the kids! You will get there.

TheGoogleMum · 03/07/2021 07:10

I had a holiday when I was on mat leave, DH didn't feel like it was much of a holiday (his expectations weren't very realistic) but I found having more people around to help with baby much better than being at home (we were with my parents too!). Is it not even helpful to have both of you around to look after the baby?
The bedtime thing is weird, sticking with routine for baby is fine but not sure why you can't stay up a little bit? Is it just in case the baby wakes up so you won't be so well rested?

JadedStrumpet · 03/07/2021 07:13

Your husband is the problem. He makes you go to bed at 10am and makes you get up at 7am? He can't "make you" do anything. Tell him to fuck off!

housework1977 · 03/07/2021 07:15

Onhhhhh this post takes me back! We've done lots of hols with kids when they were small and the holiday element really really varies and basically it is much harder work than being at home generally because my kids needed routine perhaps more than most looking back and so never slept well snd we were all knackered. That said we did have some good times at very nice hotel apartment places which were very well run and great pool and provision for kids. But I can also recall times where we just gave up snd came home in the middle of the night once! Only ever taken dogs once snd NEVER again. Seriously go home. It's hard until they're a bit bigger over a year. It's not forever and ignore all husband related advice... it's just hard right now. Take the good bits of the day - and there will be SOME. I can remember sitting in the dark night after night waiting for children to go asleep so we could eat and thinking this is not a bloody holiday!!! We quickly learnt to have lunches out and a snacky dinner...

Picklesbaby · 03/07/2021 07:15

Just had 2 weeks holiday abroad with my dh,4&1 year old . We had the best time and not once did we go to bed at 10pm. It’s your dh I’m sorry to say

burritofan · 03/07/2021 07:17

Does your DH understand what a holiday is? Why is he setting your bedtime and getting up time? Agree with others. It’s not a baby problem (fucking hell, you have one that sleeps and doesn’t get up at 5am), it’s a husband problem.

I love holidays with DD: yes, still have to do nappy changes/naps/piles of stuff/early mornings, and there’s a lot less lunchtime beer and shagging, but ultimately I’m somewhere else and a change is as good as a rest, and not sitting at a laptop doing something meaningless for 8 hours a day.

housework1977 · 03/07/2021 07:19

Also as your child gets older you become a bit more savvy as to what you can get away with. Some children will go to bed at 10pm and run around with other children and be generally easy to manage and let you be flexible... others like mine will scream the restaurant down if dinner is 10 minutes off schedule or it's somehow wrong food (he is SEN). I found the going out element stressful in the early days...

HarrisMcCoo · 03/07/2021 07:21

There's nothing relaxing about a holiday with children. I am always looking forward to getting home. As someone else has already said, it's just a change of scenery.

malificent7 · 03/07/2021 07:21

Yabu to go to bed at 10 and put up with your dh.

Yanbu to think holidays are more shit after kids. Once on the way to Cornwall, 8 month old dd did the most epic shit in the car that went everywhere. For some reason I did not pack baby wipes. Also for another unexplained reason I fed dd prunes before long car journey to deal with her constipation! I blame baby brain!

malificent7 · 03/07/2021 07:23

I also really miss holidays where you could properly relax and/ or party / sightsee/ white water raft/ adventure.

Tiddlywinkly · 03/07/2021 07:24

As a few others have said, after the holiday can you work on moving baby's bedtime earlier? Mine went to bed at 7pm at that age and woke at 6am for reference. Obviously you don't have to do this early if it's not suitable. You'll get a few childfree hours each evening and they'll need to go to bed earlier anyway once at nursery/pre-school/school.

I'd say there's a few issues here. Your expectations - holidays aren't the same with dc. I remember the realisation of this too. It gets easier as they get older when there's less stuff to cart around and no naps to try to fit in.

Your DH needs to tidy up a bit more and you need to say no to 10pm adult bed times and why are you not taking advantage of the lie in?! Sounds a bit controlling to me.

FinallyFluid · 03/07/2021 07:25

On this subject, I always in the early days said ad infinitum ........

( and indeed I think I made one of the MN books.)

There is no such thing as a holiday when they are very young, it is just childcare in a different climate.

Youdiditanyway · 03/07/2021 07:25

That’s just a holiday with children in general, it only really becomes a proper holiday again when they’re old enough to go off and do their own thing sometimes so probably teens. Before then, forget it.

skodadoda · 03/07/2021 07:26

@Kanaloa

Oh ok, on reading your update it turns out your husband is awful. It won’t be much of a holiday if he refuses to tidy up and forces you to bed at 10pm.
That was my first thought. You need to deal with your husband. Once baby has gone to bed she doesn’t know what you’re doing. If she has a bad night it is not because you haven’t gone to bed! You really need to do something about DH’s controlling behaviour. Was he like this before the baby?
Ragwort · 03/07/2021 07:26

I can't imagine being told, as an adult, what time to go to bed. Do you mean that you want to sit with your DH and do something together? Personally I love sitting up late with a good book or the tv I want, glass of wine etc
I wouldn't ever dream of going to bed at the same time as my DH ... we go to bed separately when we are tired (& our 8 month baby was strict routine - but he was in bed by 7pm!).

AprilAzpilicueta · 03/07/2021 07:26

We've had some terrific holidays since having a baby but to be fair that's because we've taken either set of our parents and sometimes one of our siblings and their partner with us. Six pairs of adult hands versus one baby seems about the right ratio to me, then you all get some down time Smile

Twelvetimestwo · 03/07/2021 07:27

@MurielSpriggs

Same job, different venue. Often actually harder outside your familiar setting.
Yes this.

However a change of scenery and having meals out/don't have to cook does make it worth it for me.

Staying at the in-laws is harder work!

Sceptre86 · 03/07/2021 07:28

You've got issues with your oh so need to speak with him. Yabu to think it would be the same kind of holiday you had pre kids, it wasn't going to be but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. We went away for my birthday when dd was just shy of 6 months, we realised that we either went out for a meal over lunch or dinner, we couldn't do both as she would get crabby so just adjusted our expectations. Sometimes we would both be knackered and go to bed early otherwise we chilled out when she went to sleep.

You aren't happy with the rules he sets out l, so don't shy away from it speak up and say so to him! As for having lots of baby stuff when you're out and about they just need a changing bag same as when you would be going out for a baby class here, bottles and food.

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