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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think holidays with a baby are not really a holiday?

248 replies

Thedigey · 02/07/2021 23:19

Just that really... currently on uk holiday with dh and 8 month old + 2 dogs and I’m really struggling. Am exhausted, have spent no quality time with dh, every time we want to go out it’s like a fucking military operation with all baby’s stuff. .. best time I’ve had has been on the beach with one of the dogs on my own running in the sea.. . Is it wrong I had more fun with him than my baby? Have been forced to go to bed at 10 every night.... what kind of holiday is this? I feel so depressed...the place we’re staying was originally booked nearly 2 years ago for last summer before even knew we’d be having a baby, it’s gorgeous and romantic but it’s turned into a baby junkyard 😱

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 03/07/2021 00:12

@memberofthewedding well she needs to bunk the controlling arse tbf

SmidgenofaPigeon · 03/07/2021 00:15

I’m curious to know how he ‘literally’ forces you?! Like he frogmarches you up the stairs?!

I’m not a child so DH telling me to go to bed wouldn’t happen. If he wanted to fine but if be downstairs with something good to watch and a book.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 03/07/2021 00:16

And a drink that was meant to say Grin

BackforGood · 03/07/2021 00:20

I voted YABU, because we had some lovely holidays when our dc are babies.

Thing is, I went on holiday with a lovely man who wouldn't have dreamt of trying to dictate to me what time I should go to bed or get up Hmm and who tended to take over a much larger % of the childcare when we were on holiday.

Being on holiday has never been the same as not being on holiday, as
a) I wasn't going to work
b) dh wasn't going to work
c) dc weren't going to CMer.
So we were
d) spending time together
e) not being dictated to by clocks and having to be anywhere at a set time
f) enjoying having that time to spend with our little ones
g) enjoying seeing little ones on the beach or in the pool or all the other things you don't get to do each day at home

Yes, if you are used to lying on a sunlounger in the sun just reading or enjoying a cocktail, it is going to be different , but that doesn't mean it isn't a holiday.

Friendofdennis · 03/07/2021 00:41

Stay downstairs and watch a film with a nice snack and a drink. Eat out as much as possible so that you aren’t doing shopping cooking and all that drudgery

BarbaraofSeville · 03/07/2021 03:53

^Being on holiday has never been the same as not being on holiday, as
a) I wasn't going to work
b) dh wasn't going to work
c) dc weren't going to CMer.
So we were
d) spending time together
e) not being dictated to by clocks and having to be anywhere at a set time
f) enjoying having that time to spend with our little ones
g) enjoying seeing little ones on the beach or in the pool or all the other things you don't get to do each day at home^

^^ This. The 'not being on holiday feeling' is because you're trying to stick to normal routines and fretting about tidying up. Neither are necessary.

The whole point of being on holiday, as well as a change of scene and having access to different activities is being able to sit and relax and not worry about having to rush round to work, childcare etc.

Plus you don't need to bother tidying anything up because you're only there a week and you'll just pack everything away when you leave. Until then, apart from keeping the kitchen useable, what else needs to be done?

PrimeraVez · 03/07/2021 04:02

We’ve had quite a few holidays with our kids (currently 5 and 3) and definitely agree that a lot of the time, it’s a case of same shit, different view.

I know this will make us sound like dicks, but we now always our nanny with us and it’s been a game changer. Just having someone who can listen out for them for a few hours once they are in bed so we can sit outside and have dinner/a drink and be an extra hands when it comes to applying sun cream, filling water bottles etc makes it feel so much more enjoyable.

Apologies if I missed it, but is there anyone you can leave your DC with, even if it’s just for 24 hours, so you can have some time alone?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 03/07/2021 05:19

Your problem is your dh not your baby.

What would happen if you told him you’re not going to bed at 10?

cocoloco987 · 03/07/2021 05:24

I'm a single parent and have always loved holidaying with dc - you have a husband problem not a baby problem. Let him go off to bed at 10 and sit with a glass of wine and a good book and enjoy the peace!

DeathStare · 03/07/2021 05:30

Yes holidays with DC are not the same relaxing holidays as before DC. However this isn't a holiday problem it's a DH problem. Him forcing you to go to bed at 10pm (either at home or on holiday) isn't about your baby's routine - whether you are in bed doesnt make a jot of difference to your baby.

What would happen if you said "I'm not going to bed yet. I'm going for a walk/to read my book/watch a film"?

Coyoacan · 03/07/2021 05:33

I'm so sad for you, OP. I couldn't afford many holidays with my dd, but loved the ones we had.

Sorry, but what did you plan to do with your child once they were here?

Clickbait · 03/07/2021 05:48

I remember our first holiday with DC1. I was really looking forward to it and I remember so well the dawning realisation that a holiday with a baby is not a relaxing thing at all. Not sure why I hadn't realised this in advance as it seems so obvious now!

traumatisednoodle · 03/07/2021 05:56

8m is a tricky age. They are weaning so you need high chair, spoons, plastic bowls etc. Mine were both crawling so the whole accomadation would have needed to be baby proofed. The beach is a nightmare because of crawling and eating sand. Mine would only tollerate 20 mins in a buggy as wanted to be exploring. How can you not clean if the baby is crawling all over the floor ?

In defence of your DH he may just not see the cleaning that needs doing if you do it at home and I remember feeling it was pretty relentless at 8-9m. You obviously have different body clocks I can imagine being woken at 7:30 on holiday gets old pretty quickly, what times do you keep at home ?

Crolisd · 03/07/2021 06:00

I’ve been on some lovely holidays with a baby- it’s the time they start being able to talk, walk and need entertainment all the time that becomes difficult. Agree with others that DH is your real problem. Go out to a restaurant for lunch maybe and have a glass of wine. Let DH pack for the beach

ThyNameIsDave · 03/07/2021 06:02

Holidays with babies are just same nonsense, less convenient location.

HarrisMcCoo · 03/07/2021 06:06

@Albien

I agree, holidays with kids aren’t holidays. You still have to do all the same shit just in a different place.
So true
traumatisednoodle · 03/07/2021 06:12

I’ve been on some lovely holidays with a baby- it’s the time they start being able to talk, walk and need entertainment all the time that becomes difficult

We had some lovely times with a soley breastfed or barely weaning baby. 8 months ?-no.

ChocOrange1 · 03/07/2021 06:20

How does he "literally" force you to go to bed? What does he do if you just say no and stay downstairs?

10pm is quite a late bedtime for a baby. Can you work on bringing that earlier, so you and DH can have some adult time in the evenings - not just on holiday, but at home too.

Snowdrop30 · 03/07/2021 06:24

They totally suck OP. I remember crying at the sink at a camp site, washing dishes in cold water, because that moment of quiet was the highpoint of the holiday for me. The loss of a proper holiday is haaaaaard... I don't know the solution, but sending Flowers

arcof · 03/07/2021 06:25

It will be shit for a few years

mathanxiety · 03/07/2021 06:27

Your DH is a prick. End of. Not sometimes, but always.

@Thedigey, tell him where he can shove his 10pm bedtime. He is not the boss of you.

This isn't a holiday-with-baby problem. It's far more serious than that.

Blaming you when something goes awry with the baby's routine is awful.

It's controlling, it's abusive, and I can predict it will ruin your relationship with the baby and eventually with your H.

beardeddragon174 · 03/07/2021 06:34

I am on holiday right now with my 4 year old. DH couldn't come but it's a trip to see my bff and her kids anyway.

Yes, bedtime is a faff and we have to take breaks and stuff for tired little legs, but he is such a character and we're genuinely friends. It gets better!!!

beardeddragon174 · 03/07/2021 06:36

P.S when he was a baby we just strapped him into the carrier and took him sightseeing. We did have to stop for feeds and nappy changes but that is a food excuse for a cafe pitstop for cake/wine.. :)

Thisusedtobeaniceneighbourhood · 03/07/2021 06:39

We didn’t go away when ours were small - I considered it to be ‘same old shit but without all the stuff to deal with it). We did our first self catering when DC were 3 and 1, and have been away (U.K. only) a few times since. We have just come back from a week in Cornwall, and have had a great time; DC are now 5 & 7. We have seen a lot of sights, spent time on the beach, eaten some great food. Probably the first time I’ve been able to enjoy myself, but I am absolutely and completely shattered (thanks to a cottage with white curtains and no blackout blinds, wtf?!). DH and I haven’t been able to make that much time for us, as it’s been pretty full on from 6am to 9pm most days. A few times we have reminisced that we used to have great holidays without them! It is getting better though, they no longer need absolute constant supervision on the beach, and it is ok to sit and watch them darting back and forth (especially while being brightly dressed and easy to spot).

I am just utterly exhausted and need a week to recover though!

cjpark · 03/07/2021 06:42

Yep! And then they become teens and don't want to do anything except see their friends and you cant put them in a pram or bribe them with chocolate buttons!

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