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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

As a wife, would I annoy you?

200 replies

CanIBeACurlyGirl · 02/07/2021 21:52

DH and I work FT. He is a senior manager and I work in demtia care. He works Mon - Fri and I'm shift working.

I'm working all weekend, I love my Friday night TV and I like to engage with the tv. Probably a running commentary in his eyes. His days are filed with zoom calls etc mine aren't so I really enjoy my soaps and talk through them/with them.

He has one eye on the tv and another on his iPad watching sport. I've been told off for engaging and talking.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SwanShaped · 03/07/2021 07:58

That’s really harsh @Nicolastuffedone. Fair enough to say one particular thing OP does might be annoying. Eg, talking to the telly is annoying. But to say she is annoying is and that there is nothing hilarious or endearing about her, is mean. You know nothing else about her.

saleorbouy · 03/07/2021 08:00

Yes your T.V commentary would do my head in too!

layladomino · 03/07/2021 08:17

It's rude. If someone else is reading why should they listen to it? Would you like it if your DH read out loud while you were trying to watch TV? The running commentary should be in your head. Saying it out oud is like you're deliberately trying to engage someone who is relaxing in their own way.

Youdiditanyway · 03/07/2021 08:24

Eurgh, I’d hate this. My Mum is a bit dim and struggles to understand anything more complex than emmerdale (even some of those storylines are hit and miss) so she incessantly asks questions throughout and it drives everyone nuts. She also expects everyone else in the room to know the answers to questions about a film nobody has seen before. It’s very annoying, I pity her partner really.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/07/2021 08:33

I'd get fed up with that pretty quickly too. I'd probably leave you to it and go to another room.

anon12345678901 · 03/07/2021 08:40

I would find that so irritating, a few comments to the tv here and there is absolutely fine, but all the way through? I'd be looking for the mute button Grin

Blinkingheckythump · 03/07/2021 09:09

God yes. I couldn't and wouldn't put up with you

Rosesareyellow · 03/07/2021 09:15

Yeah that would irritate me. Are you like that in general though? Some people voice all their thoughts out loud when most could just stay in their heads.
Although it might be worth applying to go on gogglebox if that’s your thing, at least you could make some cash from it.

MeadowLines · 03/07/2021 09:20

I have already answered but having seen all the other replies since I do feel rather sorry for you. I think you need to discuss with your dh about how you'll BOTH compromise here.

You're both in stressful jobs and need downtime, his isnt more important than yours and vice versa. So you get to chat away to the tv and he gets to swear/cheer at the sport. Do you have a tv in another room so you can swap around as to who gets to sit where for their downtime?

If he's telling you off, Id be seriously pissed off tbh. He isnt your boss and just because he's a senior manager doesnt make his job more important. Does he think that? Dementia care can be gruelling hard work, mentally and physically

User135792468 · 03/07/2021 09:24

Sorry Op but that would really irritate me too.

Nicolastuffedone · 03/07/2021 09:38

Nope. She’s annoying.

GillBiggeloesHair · 03/07/2021 09:49

My Mum does this and it's incredibly irritating. I have to walk away.

Crockof · 03/07/2021 09:54

Oh OP I might just love you.

sadie9 · 03/07/2021 09:56

Are you trying to get his attention?
If he wasn't in the room would you do it?
Currently one person is trying to engage the other in conversation but is being ignored. Is the fact that he ignores you what's makeing you try to keep telling him stuff that's happening.

SecretSpAD · 03/07/2021 10:00

I'm with your husband. I'm currently spending up to 12 hours a day on calls or seeing patients virtually. By the time I finally finish work I don't want to talk or engage with anyone.

Luckily I've got teenagers so they hardly notice Grin

ObviousNameChage · 03/07/2021 10:03

Do you actually expect a reply from him? If yes, that's unreasonable . If it's all between you and the telly, it's all good and if he doesn't like it it's his problem to sort.. headphones,ear plugs,different room , put his phone down and actually interact with you etc.

However , it's a bit off that there's so little interaction between the two of you.

harriethoyle · 03/07/2021 10:04

My late mother used to do this and it drove me MAD! Sorry OP...

SingingInTheShithouse · 03/07/2021 10:05

Yeah that would definitely annoy me. My DH has form for this & it drives me around the bend, especially when he gets all over sensitive when I tell him to STFU & I interested in the show, not his bloody opinion on it

MimosaFields · 03/07/2021 10:07

I would have to leave the room as I would find that infuriating. My mum does that, and when she used to visit, if she did it during a program, I would stop the program and ask her what she was saying. I cannot focus on the TV and stupid comments at the same time. After the 10th time of stopping and starting, sometimes she would keep quiet but not always. Incredibly irritating

Mayaspecialist · 03/07/2021 10:11

Is that you mum? Like seriously?

If not, yes op, it's very annoying. My mum also walks in in the middle of a film or programme and wants someone to catch her up with every detail or asks random question.

We were watching a film called 'the natural'. Mum walked in looked at the screen and just said 'is he dead, is he from space......what's going on!'

She had no itention of watching the rest of it with us, bit had to know exactly what was happening

WalkingOnTheCracks · 03/07/2021 10:12

Yeah, the Beloved does this. It drives me nuts.

She will be commenting on some piece of furniture on the set, or wondering aloud about what else that actor has been in, or suggesting how the plot should play out from this point, or explaining some bit of backstory, or repeating a well-crafted line, or - this really bugs me - pausing and re-winding to savour a good bit or in case she missed something.

Of course she bloody missed something! She was banging on about how that woman would never be with that guy in the first place, and she's way out of his league. Like her cousin. The one in Canada. Yes, you know her. She came to the christening. Skinny, highlights, turquoise floral thing. Oh, wait - what happened there? Re-wind it again!

I suggest I might sod off to my study and leave her to it, but apparently this is typical of my reluctance to do anything together in the evening.

MsSquiz · 03/07/2021 10:13

@CanIBeACurlyGirl I do exactly the same thing! I think DH just sucks it up or let's it go over his head most of the time.

We don't watch a huge amount of tv together though, but sometimes I will even pause the program to discuss something that has just been said and use it as a conversation starter.

I haven't asked him if I'm annoying him, because I know he'd probably be polite and say no when he really means yes! I think he sees it as a quirk (of which I have many!)

I also have almost a constant internal dialogue and quite often talk to myself out loud... BlushGrin

Chikapu · 03/07/2021 10:18

If you're actively watching something together then I think it's fine, we do that and point out ridiculous plot holes and shonky dialogue etc. We find each other hilarious! However, if one of you isn't it to it then you should stay quiet.

YellowMonday · 03/07/2021 10:24

Sorry but that would drive me absolutely batty.

FlaminEckVera · 03/07/2021 10:27

@CanIBeACurlyGirl YABVVVU.

Sometimes, my DH waffles on throughout a programme he is watching, when I am trying to concentrate on something I am reading or writing. Either when I am writing something or reading something on the computer/the internet, or when I am reading a book or magazine.

He even does it when I am doing something that is part of my actual JOB. When I am in another room, working, and he is at home, he comes in telling me about the latest episode of whatever he is watching, and gives me a synopsis! Confused I DO NOT CARE! Angry

It does my fucking head in. I say 'you don't need to narrate the show, or give me a synopsis of it... I am not watching it, I am not interested.'

He sometimes says (indignantly) 'well I am interested .. ' Like I should be a good iccle wifey and drop everything I am doing to listen to him chatting shit about the programme HE is watching - that I give zero fucks about. I say 'Well I am NOT and I am trying to concentrate on something else. FFS!'

I sometimes even put my headphones in, and say 'I am listening to music and cannot hear you,' to deter him from chatting shit about the crap he is watching.

And OMG, when we are watching something together, that he has already watched, he does my head in with 'oooh you will like this bit,' and 'listen to this coming up now' and 'you're never gonna guess what HE says in a minute!' Drives me mad!

Someone narrating what they're watching, and chatting shit about it when YOU are trying to concentrate on something else is infuriating.