As a wife, would I annoy you?

[CanIBeACurlyGirl]

DH and I work FT. He is a senior manager and I work in demtia care. He works Mon - Fri and I'm shift working.

I'm working all weekend, I love my Friday night TV and I like to engage with the tv. Probably a running commentary in his eyes. His days are filed with zoom calls etc mine aren't so I really enjoy my soaps and talk through them/with them.

He has one eye on the tv and another on his iPad watching sport. I've been told off for engaging and talking.

AIBU?

Yes, it does sound annoying, but I'm thinking there is more to this. Do you and your DH do anything together?

My DH is a shift worker and we have young kids. It means we get fuck all quality time together. I suspect that you might be in the same boat.

We have to carefully plan our little scraps of free time so that we're either doing separate things for ourselves, or we're doing something together that we both like. So in your case I'd decide at the start of the evening whether or not I was going to watch something with DH, in which case it would be something that we both enjoy and can engage with together, or I'd say to him "i need to watch my soaps tonight and I'm going to be talking to the tv. Perhaps you want to go and do XYZ, or at least put headphones in so you don't have to listen".

@1forAll74

I live alone, but wouldn't like anyone chattering too much whilst watching tv... Those so called celebrities on celebrity Goggle box do my head in, they can't stop talking, scoffing food and are really over the top with all their reactions to programmes.

Of course they are. That's the whole point of the show.

I couldn't marry you sorry

YABVVU to describe it as "engaging with the TV". That's twatty corporate speak for talking.

Did you "reach out" to your DH to "engage" him in some "dialogue" to "brainstorm" some "out of the box" solutions to "facilitate a way forward"? 😅

My autistic son (11 yrs old) does a running commentary on everything he watches or plays. Unless I'm trying to listen, I can just zone it out. If I pay it attention then it can be irritating, but in all honesty, I can hear that he's happy and that overrides any annoyance. My DP on the other hand CANNOT BEAR the incessant stream of narration from DS, it drives him bonkers.

There aren't a lot of folk who can endure constant commentary - as I think this thread shows 😅

@CanIBeACurlyGirl. Are you me? I do the same!

I wouldn’t have married you, OP but presumably as your DH did, it didn’t bother him to start with?

How do you communicate at other times? Do you do evenings together or is he always having something better to do?

Yes it's annoying. My dp does that and I lose track of what's going on

We don't watch soaps or celebrity programs but we watch a lot of sport. We both make comments and discuss for example a cricket players form, how they did in last match etc or discuss the football or tennis. We watch sport, child is constantly playing sport and we record what we miss until we return. I expect that would annoy many people but at least we both do it. If we watch a quiz we will guess at the questions and often keep a score as we are both competitive people.

Couldn’t you talk to the TV in a different room?

Don't you come with subtitles?

Is this new or have you always done it?
We pause telly and talk about it and over it and comment during it, but we have always done it so it doesn't bother us. But if we had never done it and one started then I could see it would be annoying.
I think you would fit in here no problem. Coronation Street takes a good hour with ad skips.
What else was live pause and rewind invented for?

Wouldn't bother me, I'm quite laid back though. Chit chat to my telly as much as you want, it's quite a harmless quirk lol.

I talk to my OH throughout programmes like goggle box we run a commentary always have done.

I do manage to be quiet when someone is trying to focus on something else though, so not exactly like you. But I do talk at the TV.

All the time then id find it annoying , my 18 year old does it.

I think it's acceptable when watching goggle box though!

I think you need to figure out how best both of you decompress from your days and then also get a semblance of “togetherness” that works for both of you.

How can you "engage with the TV"? Engaging is a two way process, it can't engage with you.

I had a flatmate for a while who used to do this...drove me bonkers, it's so annoying! I stopped watching TV with her in the end as she was otherwise lovely and I didn't want to upset her by losing my temper over it!

Oh yes, I hate nattering when I'm trying to watch.

It may be that you just have different needs. He spends his entire day focusing on conversations and meetings, you spend your entire day focusing on care and need that 'chat with the TV' in the evening because its relaxing you.

Personally, my job is very similar to that of your husband's and it would be very stressful for me if on a Friday night, when everything is done and DD is in bed, I didn't get a chance for some silence. I think that you talking to TV is worse than talking to him because he always has to listen (in case you address him) but its almost never really meant to be answered.

Would it be a solution that you spend those few hours relaxing separately?

I couldn't cope with that either. It sounds a bit crazy tbh.

Having said that though, I couldn't cope with a partner who watched soaps at all!

God, that would drive me mad!

Do you still do it if you were in the house alone?!

So annoying. I literally couldn't sit in the same room as my DH if he did that

You’re very annoying. Nothing hilarious or endearing about you….it would really, really irritate me.