Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

@Macncheeseballs

I don't ask for alot of help, it comes from habit when I was younger of having noone to help, I became super self sufficient

Yeah me too. I had no one to help me if I had a problem. For ages it literally never occurred to me that if I did have, I could tell someone or ask for help

I have never asked for help but work for myself. Single parent ex far away and no family support. Never ran late. Did use school club at primary school though. Ds is now 16 and I have done all of it without help.

The school
Drop off and pick up times are the same everyday. I leave at the same time everyday to know I'll be on time. That's not hard really. So I never need to ask someone to collect my child. I work part time term time only so don't need help for holidays. But obviously this affects how much money we have but it's so we don't have to ask for favours. When things come up that I need to remember I put them on the Calendar so I don't forget. But I am often called upon to collect others children which I'm happy to do.

@TeaAndBrie

In my experience these are often the mums that aren’t juggling jobs as well

Nope..it is about being “organised”. Some of us are control freaks and note everything down, have lists coming out out our ears, and turn up 15 mins early to anything all our lives. The taking care of kids just falls into another long list and notes On the other hand not being more relaxed (“laid back” or “scatty”) means we’re constantly stressed to get our to do’s done, don’t handle being flexible well, and waste loads of time standing around for all those 15 mins were early🤣 There isn’t a right and wrong type. Also, I find it extremely difficult to ask for help even from family- I feel that I am being a burden or that if I ask people won’t like me. Strange when usually if someone asks me to help out I’m usually happy to be of help

Nothing to do with being smug. It’s a case of needs must.

Tea and brier…meant to say I was working full time ….but I am a control freak😢

I totally agree with the last few posters. I’m not naturally organised so have had to learn to be. In fact I asked my super mum dsil how she did it and copied her. Best conversation I ever had. Lists, reminders, thinking ahead eg reminders to buy for all birthdays weeks in advance etc etc

I learned to be self sufficient from a very young age. No one was interested in helping me & made a huge deal if I asked, so I learned to figure it out myself. I'm VERY organised. DH helps too.

Sadly, I've learned not to offer help unless it's an emergency otherwise I end up running around after disorganised people & babysitting constantly because it's easier to ask me all the time than sort it themselves or get organised. Sad, but very true.

Good if you have family to help. It was just me so I had to be organised. My sisters same zero help our mam is 80. I try help people but found people took advantage then. Hate bad timekeepers so asking my friend was non runner

Most I know ask family members, friends, or their kids' friends' parents rather than ask in an open group if they really need help in a pinch.

I have asked on my facebook before when I was let down for childcare for medical appointments, but I had the post only visible to local people who'd had my kids over before. Nothing to do with other parents not being approachable, but I didn't really want to air the situation to everyone when I was already stressed out.

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone? What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three? The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk? Do these things never happen to you all?

1) someone stops you - you tell them you can't stop

2. rubbish truck blocking the road - if it's a regular thing, then you need to work around it by choosing a different route or leaving earlier and if it's a once off, then that's once in 7 years (primary) and no big deal

3. blocked in car park during a fire alarm - again.. once in a blue moon so no big deal and I'm sure other parents would cover for you

I was a SAHM and I realised that those with 3+ kids constantly rely on other parents and I was taken advantage of. I've been back at work for 5+ years and I don't offer help and I don't ask for it

I didn't ever ask other parents for help but I was often asked to help and happily obliged just incase I had needed the favour returned.
It helped that a) I live a 45 second walk from the school gate and b) I worked my hours around school.
Now that my son is nearly 18 and my friends still have school age children I don't oblige quite as often as these are the same parents that have been asking for over 10 years and have not learnt to manage their time better.
There are people that genuinely need help and there are people who just take the piss.

I have seven children and never ask favours of anybody…stems from my parents disowning me when I had my eldest young, I don’t believe anyone will actually ‘want’ to help. I also have Asperger’s and stay super-polite at times to reduce risk of getting social communication wrong…this also factors in!
I am never late, I get anxious if I’m not at least 15 minutes early to everything - I tend to be first at school gate each day etc and just read my book. I keep a large calendar and whiteboard in kitchen, prep for the week on a Sunday then double-check each night for next day.
It’s lonely not feeling you can ask for help, but completely do-able.

I'm a naturally disorganized and messy person but I knew when I had my DC, I had to change. My eldest child is in year 8 and my youngest is year 5...they have never once been late to school and I've never once been late picking them up. I always say to my DC, if you're on time you're late. If you're early, you're on time

I'd rather arrive somewhere an hour early than be five minutes late

My back up plan didn't involve asking favours from other parents as it would be too unreliable and I'd find that stressful

This if I was asking for favours at 2:30 I would be incredibly stressed out (if happened twice that I can remember). I do think it's the non working parents who are more likely to be asking, I had a complex rota system to enable me and DH to work. Therefore being late to pick up 3 or 4 DCs simply wasn't an option. On "my days" I considered it my job just as much as my paid employment. This attitude did mean I was less likely to respond to last minute pleas for help, maybe once but not for repeat offenders- sort your childcare out, the rest of us have to.

I would have a 10 minute conversation with the school offive in the first week of each term from my work desk and put all parent's evenings, mufti-days and fetes etc in my diary, then move any meetings/ arrange swaps as needed. I always had cake ingrediants in the cupboard and bought boxed chocolates/ biscuits on special offer when they came into tbe shops in November. I used the book people to have an age appropriate present drawer and always have unisex birthday paper, scissors and selotape.

None of this is exactly difficult, I estimate it took 20 minutes a week, plus an hour and a half once term. To be honest compared to my work it is childsplay.

After school snacks were planned at the same time as the rest of the week's food , Usually prepared same time as dinner the night before and packed lunch, came with me in the morning, then into work fridge if needed and then on to school.

Sometimes I'm just late. Like you say, something unexpected happens (recently I got blocked in in a car park). I phoned school to let them know and they just kept DS for 10 minutes until I got there. No need to involve other parents (although ours are a friendly group and someone would have helped out, I'm sure).

Schools know that sometimes, with the best planning, parents will be slightly late (car breaks down, bus is late, whatever). If it's once in a while, they don't mind. If it's regularly happening, they might!

My husband and I share pickup/drop off duties. I'm in the whatsapp group and take note of any upcoming activities and organise accordingly. I've never felt comfortable asking anyone for help, we don't have any family nearby. Even when I had DS 2 after csection, a few mums offered to pick up DS1 for me and drop him home for a few weeks but I felt better hiring a local childminder to do it. But I'm always happy to help others so I'm not sure why I'm like that!