Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

They’ve probably muted the WhatsApp group and are oblivious to you and the other active mums anyway 😄

I dont ask for help because I never had any. The odd occasion when the children were young and I asked family for help, I was told no or made to feel I was a nuisance. So I never asked. I figured a way around it. And now that those who refused me help are asking me for help, and a lot of it, I struggle to not be resentful. I battle with it every time something is asked of me, because they werent there for me, and still arent generally (although they have started offering, Im just used to doing it all alone now).
I think the idea of a village raising children is lovely though and I wish people in general were more supportive of each other.
Of course, the CFs ruin it for everyone, because people are so afraid of being used by a CF (who are often oblivious to their own Cf-uckery) that theyd rather help no one at all

Its hard with no family backup. I help anyone in an emergency but have found some are take take. So I cut back

Cupsofcoffee put it well...every situation is different. I think you could do it if you wanted to, it's just easier for you not to bother and depend on the kindness of others instead. Personally I wouldn't feel happy if I consistently did not have my shit together.

To be fair I quite often forget things that were going on, but was friendly with another mum who always had it together and she would often text and remind me, I have been fined twice by after school club for late pickup because someone thought that time of day (not that any time is) appropriate to commit hari kari in front of a train…. Just kept them informed of my journey progress, gave my heartfelt apologies and paid the fine, had to (horror of horrors) buy a ready made cake for the bake sale once as we forgot till the morning of the sale, I think most of us just do what we can and scrape by, which is the same as you, so don’t worry we are none of us perfect

On the occasion we need it, I'd ask a parent friend directly, not on the class WhatsApp group.

I never ask for help as I don't know how tbh. I come from a family who never, ever help anyone out who has kids. I helped before I had my own, if my sil or sister were ill/had to work or their dh, I would offer and help if I could. I find my family so odd this way, I don't expect any free childcare but I've had to have tooth extractions without sedation(as had to look after small kids) and brought kids into appointments, dh has missed scans because I don't have any help. When I very very rarely asked (maybe 3 times in 10 years there's so much organisation of it (I feel this is a tactic anyway) or they just can't). My inlaws aren't remotely helpful and very unpractical, in fact they cause problems. My dh and I are a great team , very 50/50 thankfully but I always feel sad about having no support. None of my family have even gone to the playground or a buggy walk with me, I was totally alone with newborns etc. They all send lovely messages and love hearing news though.
Everyone around me has loads of help and support so I feel it more. Sometimes when I read about new parents description during this pandemic and not to trivialise but that was mine, attending scans alone, on my own with very small kids , zero outside help.
So I wouldn't dream of imposing or asking anyone for help and there are times when I do really struggle but I just can't. However I would happily pick someone up or collect someone or help someone out in a pickle. Although if it kept happening I would make it clear that it couldn't be a regular thing.

Maybe they don't work. I find that makes a massive difference.

I took a substantial pay cut to secure a part time job within my home town.

I have school apps for primary and secondary in addition to school texts and emails which tell everything i know. As far as running late or childcare issues that's noone elses problem but mine. I'm quite busy trying to manage my own and my children's needs without having the expectation I've got to be reminding their classmates parents when non uniform day is
Never been in a parent's WhatsApp group and I couldn't think of anything worse. Read a comment on MN not that long ago along the lines of "school is for the children, not the parents". I imagine WhatsApp groups are for the parents who DON'T relate to that sentiment. If i wasn't already not a fan I definitely would be after reading all the threads on here of Mum's falling out and being left out in these groups.
I've never understood the notion of because you happen to have children born in the same year you've got to be bosom buddies. No thank you

Sorry but I was one of those mums 30 odd years ago so before WhatsApp. It’s called being organised and not expecting others to pick up after you. Not sounding smug but I have those parents who constantly asked for favours a big fat wide berth.

We use class whatsapp group for reminders, and class reps are emailing important stuff on Sundays.

I work part time, half day everyday so I don’t really need to ask help for pickup but even if I do, I don’t ask in the class whatsapp group, I message a close friend directly.

I’m quite organised, and my oldest is at year 3 so sparing an hour on Sundays is enough for the homework for now.

And I use the calendar on my phone for almost every little thing with a reminder :)

@Summerfun54321

There are only 2 types of parents in your scenario OP. Ones who leave enough time to get places, and others who don’t leave enough time to get places. It’s literally as simple as that.

There are also the ones who read their emails and the ones who can't be arsed and rely on others to let them know what's happening and when.

It's just being a grown up OP, try it.

A school whatsapp group?? Oh god no I'd never be in one of those! Misses point completely.
I just remember things and stay organised with all things kid related the rest of my life not so much

Exactly the same way we did before WhatsApp groups 😊 we may have one or two friends/neighbours we would call to pick them up. Or make notes and attach endless amounts of letters to the fridge with magnets 🧲

We have google calendars. My year 5 child is very self sufficient - she has to remember the stuff to bring in etc. But my younger one relies on me to get this stuff right.

I'm not massively organised across my whole life, but being organised for my DC is the one area I really focus on. I have vivid memories of being picked up late (probably only twice) and my mum making me late to parties etc. I don't want that for my DC. Forgetting a dress up day and having to walk a wailing child home to get changed would make me feel terrible.

The other thing that you aren't seeing is the WhatsApp groups outside the main one. I have friends with DC in the same year group. If we have questions or need a favour, we'd ask each other, not the class WhatsApp as that's full of people I barely know.

Myself and DH work full time though he does two school pick ups

I just read the school emails / info and remember most things. I do mark up on fridge calendar about some events that are too far in advance for me to care about

Have never required an emergency pick up in four years though when I do the rare school pick up my colleagues are very good at reminding me I NEED to go if I'm distracted at work

I immediately put things in my calendar (with an alert the day before and 2 hrs before) otherwise I would most certainly forget.

As far as being at school on time, I’m a SAHM so I am not competing with other work responsibilities. However, I used to work FT so I completely get that things come up and am happy to help other mums that need it.

We all have such different circumstances. I have been on both the giving and receiving side of this at various times of life. It's fab when you can help others out who have more time pressures than you and it's lovely when friends are sweet enough to cover your back when you need it.

Calendars and rock solid paid childcare arrangements.

Phone reminders. Iv never asked someone to pick up or look after my child, it's incredibly cheeky imo

I'm not organised but I often just don't have time to read different group chats that I'm on. I might appear to be in control but that's not the case. My kids are older now but I used to mute the chats and then wonder why I'd missed something important .

I’m not in a WhatsApp group. Don’t even know if there is one 🤷🏻‍♀️ I work long shifts, full time. My husband starts work at the arse crack of dawn. He tends to be home in time to pick up our youngest. The older two are adults but both live at and work from home. They will help out with drop off and sometimes with pick ups. My youngest two also have after school activities 3 nights a week. We have no family near by, it’s just us. They are never late, or left at school waiting to be picked up. They are always at activities on time and picked up on time. I don’t understand why people make the assumption that because you are responsible for your own children you must be a SAHP, or have a nanny, or loads of family around you. We are none of those. We just get on with it and don’t rely on anyone else to be responsible for our children because it’s our responsibility to sort out and arrange the drop offs and pick ups, not someone else’s.

Also if I was going to be late to collect a child, I'd be ringing grandparents/ friends, not putting it on a group chat. I had other people for support.

Electronic calendars, helpful grandparents- and they are probably in a splinter Whats App group