Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

I'm very organised, can't be late to pick the kids up so I'm not. I see the same people every morning who are late dropping their kids off, they walk to school so surely you just leave at the same time every day.

I've never asked for help from another parent.

Perhaps if they ever do need help they don't ask for it on the WhatsApp? eg they might ask their mum to do pick-up if they can't make it, or message a friend privately - or actually check their emails to find a piece of information!

I’ve been late but the school just put the kids in The late room? VERY rarely have I been late

WFH, flexible working, 'getting things done' method. Routine.

I had a calander.

Well, we have one parent not working so can deal with all the unforeseen illnesses and gets kid to school on time or whatever.

I am on a group WhatsApp where we’ll regularly ask for logins or phone numbers or whatever.

Before I went back to work (when my children were 11, 9 and 5) I was one of those mums who remembered it all.

I've been back at work 2 years and never remember anything, am always chasing my tail and need help. We can't do it all but we are expected to.

I have to be well organised with childcare as I dont have family near by who can help out. So it's unlikely that I'll have an occasion on which I am desperate for help. That said I help others out when I can, and they return the favour with school pick ups sometimes so I dont have to book and pay for afterschool club for that day.

So basically it's necessity, I have to be organised or I would struggle to be able to work

How ever did we all manage before WhatsApp was there for people to be CFers? We had to get out shit together.

Calendar even 😂 can't spell but I got my shit together

our class WhatsApp chats are not mainly that.
I'd say less than 1% is about asking for help with pick ups.

I organise help with people I know (inc kids' friends' parents) but privately

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone? What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three? The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk? Do these things never happen to you all?

I suspect most people leave early enough to plan those things into their schedule - so if they don't happen, they arrive early but if they do happen, it's okay as they'll still be on time.

If you're being stopped by people as you leave, you need to be firmer about just going to your car. There's no reason to appease people by stopping to chat - just go.

@cupsofcoffee

They're SAHP's. They have a nanny. They have family who can cover in an emergency. They pay for childcare. They have to plan everything well in advance because they work or have multiple children etc. They're naturally organised and just "remember" these things. They fit their jobs around school hours so they don't need to be in a position where they rush about - probably taking a paycut in the process.

All of this - also, just because they're not asking in the group doesn't mean they never ask anyone, maybe even individual members of the group. If I needed someone to pick up DS from nursery in an emergency I'd ask my parents first, and if that failed I'd message one of the three other parents I actually know. We have a WhatsApp group for the whole preschool room but it would never occur to me to message that as obviously a random person I don't know isn't going to collect my child (and I probably wouldn't want them to if they offered!)

I'm naturally very organised. Also felt like I had to get it right as a young lone parent, that I might be judged on things like attendance and lunch boxes. DS was independent young, made his own school projects when many others were made by parents. Homework and wear X days were DS's responsibility to tell me about. He didn't care if he forgot though and often did.

Another parent randomly asking me to get their child is my idea of hell. Want to be in and out of the playground as quickly as possible.

In general in life there are late people, and people who are never late. There are often threads about this.

I'm never late because I have an anxiety disorder So I've usually built in a 20 minute time buffer to anything that requires me being on time. So I'm usually early.

@AuntieUrsula

Perhaps if they ever do need help they don't ask for it on the WhatsApp? eg they might ask their mum to do pick-up if they can't make it, or message a friend privately - or actually check their emails to find a piece of information!

This. I have a couple of mums that if I needed a favour, I would ask directly - we've called in a few of those this week as my youngest has been isolating and we still need to get middle child into school. But I'm happy to do the same, and have done when they've had mortgage appointments/hospital appointments etc.

There is a WhatsApp group; we mostly use it for bitching when the class bubble bursts.

SAHP, close family? I never ask for help from other mums I have helped others on occasion but I feel I don’t know these people well enough to ask for help.

No one has ever asked for that kind of help in our class WhatsApp group this school year. The most you’ll get is someone asking for the weekly spellings list or when PE days are.

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone?
What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three?
The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk?
Do these things never happen to you all?

Those things have never happened to me. Can't remember the last time I asked anyone for a child related favour. I work ft, though half the week from home. I am in a class WhatsApp group and people often ask - when's the last of school/ what menu are we on/ how much is the school trip etc etc - usually the same people.

We pay for Afterschool.

They pick up the kids from the school and walk them to Afterschool and they get a hot meal too.

We don't forget the dates of anything because it all comes through via Aladdin/See Saw. So we just check it a lot.

We have no family and no help. Afterschool is a godsend. We even send them on our days off as we can get errands/awkward house jobs done.

Honestly I don't know any kids whose parents work who don't use Afterschool or Breakfast Club or both.

I don't ask anyone from school for a favour because I don't want to owe anyone a favour.

Really?
What did parents do before whatsapp groups I wonder? When the only communication from school was a letter which you had to dig out of your child’s school bag.
This is kind of a depressing read. It’s basic self organisation. I work at a school and now I understand why so many children are disorganised, scatterbrained and quick to ask for help (not even ask tbh, they just loudly announce ‘I can’t find...’ and ‘I can’t do...’ and expect someone to jump to it) if they can’t find or do the most basic things. Obviously from time to time you might get caught out or there may be an emergency. But from your post OP it sounds like kids learn from early examples that being responsible for yourself and putting a little effort into being organised isn’t necessary because there’s someone else to pick up the slack for you.

@Aquamarine1029

I never asked anyone to help with my kids, not once. As for how I did it, I never thought about it. I think you just need to deal with your own circumstances, stay organised and march on. Personally, I never would have been comfortable asking for favours regarding my children. They were my responsibility, not anyone else's.

You sound quite judgy. You make it sound like getting stuck at work / in traffic on the way home etc is some kind of personal failing rather than things that can easily happen to anyone in everyday life.

There are only 2 types of parents in your scenario OP. Ones who leave enough time to get places, and others who don’t leave enough time to get places. It’s literally as simple as that.