Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

I rarely ask for childcare favours; I’d feel uncomfortable asking someone to care for my children unless it was an emergency in which case I’d ring the school and ask for them to be put in after school club.

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

Like how do they do it? As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!' There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one ) The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it? How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious? How how how???

Question is the other 10% of the chat revolves around the teacher? I’m just curious...

Are you seriously that disorganised you ask how the majority of parents aren't? I chose to have a child, was well aware he'd be attending school one day and made adjustments to my lifestyle. Used to be a mix of breakfast club, occasional afternoon club, DH doing some pick ups.
Now we both WFH (for now) I drop off, he picks up.
Before the pandemic we'd shell out a fair bit for holiday clubs, too.
Dates for everything go in my Outlook calendar so I can't fail to notice

I am the Mum that never asks other mums for help, I never have. But I'm also not the Mum who has nutritious snacks in my bag and I'm also a flustered sweaty mess 98% the time.
In my experience, the mums who have help are the ones who are always well put together, very organised and although being late a few times, are generally just managing better because they have that support.
Also, the idea of a school class WhatsApp group sounds like a living hell, I have one more child left to go through primary and I hope I never have to deal with one. We've got a school fb group, and that's plenty.

Some people like me are just super organised. I'm the mum who other parents ask for info! I do absorb information and don't forget much! I've never asked anyone for help because growing up I had to be independent and I'm still very much the same now! Learnt I can't rely on anyone!

I think that people generally ask their friends for help directly rather than put out a general call for help and accept anybody's offer.

It's really hard to learn the ropes when your oldest child is very young but it gets easier if you have another as you've got the older one reminding you about Children in Need or INSET days too.

Even my daydreamy ds started remembering the teacher's reminders at the end of the day by year 4/5 ish. There's a few times when I've had to check dates because the school online calendar shows a different date.

I use online calendars and photograph all school letters. That way I can recheck things quickly.

Asking info etc isn't really asking favours. I have asked to see if I have missed an email(once or twice). I've never asked someone to pick up DC at the last minute.

Not quite school yet here, but one at nursery. I put every single appointment in my phone calendar with reminders a day before then around an hour before on the day. I don't work school holidays and am part-time so I do the childcare alongside nursery. I work flexi and can leave early if I need to without having to ask anyone/repercussions, so I guess that is a big help!
We do have grandparents who could look after the kids, but I'd only ask in an absolute emergency. They would be more than happy to have them even if it was just for the sake of it, but we prefer to look after them ourselves, just personal choice (although they do see grandparents lots)!

Breakfast club, after-school, nursery. Anything that involved costumes I had a box of fancy dress stuff to dig into. Never took part in pta or cake sales.

I was a single mum, 2 DNS's, uni and a job. I knew the bus and train timetable inside out with a variety of travel options.

Never even met any other mums, apart from the few I taught at college, as I was always dropping off at 7.45 and picking up at 1800.

But my god, was I always bloody knackered!

So glad I don't have to do that now

@Babysharkdoodoodood

Breakfast club, after-school, nursery. Anything that involved costumes I had a box of fancy dress stuff to dig into. Never took part in pta or cake sales.

I was a single mum, 2 DNS's, uni and a job. I knew the bus and train timetable inside out with a variety of travel options.

Never even met any other mums, apart from the few I taught at college, as I was always dropping off at 7.45 and picking up at 1800.

But my god, was I always bloody knackered!

So glad I don't have to do that now

2 ds's that should read.

We've never asked for help. Never had a babysitter and never left the bambino's anywhere. We don't need help as there are two of us luckily so we juggle between us. Both full time workers but also our son is in full time school too so 8.45-3 he's busy whilst we work. Around that we take it in turns to do pick ups and drop offs. I got my hours in by going to work super early and then working super late after we get home.

As to the babysitters we have never had the need to go anywhere my son can't go.

I have very, very rarely needed anyone to pick up my kids for me. I had childcare for years and now they are too big for that I pick them up myself and I have never ever been late (apart from one year when I was stuck in the snow for 5 hours but they were at childcare who stayed open.)

I just..... manage? I dunno what else to say. There is nobody else so I do it.

You can be super organised. But if you work for the NHS and have no family and husband is key working also, then sometimes you need to call for help. Anyone who has ever helped another mum out in this situation deserves heartfelt thanks. They may have indirectly saved a life and not even realised it.

I am one of those who doesn't ask for help EVER. But that is not because I am coping or getting everything right. We were new to the area when we had kids, so we didn't know people and it's a bit "if you haven't lived here all your life you will never be one of us". There are no babysitters, no grandparents who can help, just a grandma with Alzheimer's who makes life miserable for us. So the buck has always, always stopped with us. Lots of people ask me to do things for them and I pretty much always say yes, but it's a one way street. Please don't mistake not asking for help for being so super competent. It's more a case of silent desperation. As the summer term draws near, we are clinging on by our fingernails and desperate for a break.

Alarms, calendar in phone and a chalkboard in the kitchen- which I write up every Sunday night for the week ahead. It’s not that difficult to know what’s happening. Photograph/screen shot any school letters or emails so you can check them easily. School also have everything on their website and send out reminders practically every day. DH and I both work full time, no family help, just have learnt to be organised to survive.
I do understand the need for last minute pick ups- can imagine a shift change, opportunity of overtime etc can mean a last minute call for help, but I never understand just not knowing what’s going on with school dates/events- that hit just isn’t hard to organise.

I never ask other parents for favours.

I work set hours, I am paid hourly so I am not staying late at work for anything. I do not drive, I walk to school after work to do the pick up so no issues with traffic or anything. Holiday childcare - I ask family, take annual leave and pay for holiday clubs.

Maybe they don’t work

People who use the WhatsApp group to find out the answer to something that is on the school
Newsletter/text/online teacher-parent forum really annoy me! “Remind me when the homework is due?” It’s on the online instructions and printed on the hard copy that your kid brought home! “What date is inset day?” It’s on the school website, the downloadable calendar, every (fortnightly) newsletter for the last six months, and the half dozen email and text reminders sent by the school! Argh! Do they not know how to do an email/google Search?!

Never underestimate how much you underestimate others though….. they may not be saying on the group WhatsApp but they probably have a friend on the group who they text directly and ask all those things to and not to the group. I and my friend are those mums. All the other mums think we have our shit together… behind the scenes we are muddling through like everyone else. I don’t want everyone knowing I am a nervous wreck about my kids school a lot of the time. I have always been the ‘rather hectic one’ in my life. Always running late or forgetting something or missing important notes. I just wanted to for once not be that person outwardly… and my friend and I are on the same page and support each other and no one is ever the wiser.

@OkOkWhatsNext

People who use the WhatsApp group to find out the answer to something that is on the school Newsletter/text/online teacher-parent forum really annoy me! “Remind me when the homework is due?” It’s on the online instructions and printed on the hard copy that your kid brought home! “What date is inset day?” It’s on the school website, the downloadable calendar, every (fortnightly) newsletter for the last six months, and the half dozen email and text reminders sent by the school! Argh! Do they not know how to do an email/google Search?!

This drives me insane. For some reason people treat me as the school oracle. I get daily messages asking things like ‘what are this weeks spellings?’ or ‘what day do we finish for the summer holidays?’. All information that is freely available to them. They’d just rather I looked it up than them. I’ve started replying things like ‘it’s on the school website’.

Ohhhhh.. How did parents cope before Whatsapp groups?
You wrote it all down & read EVERY letter that came home

So glad WhatsApp wasn't a thing when my kids went to school. Forgetting homework/being late/having an 'inferior' snack... They were all just things that happened from time to time, because we're all human. But there was never some sort of pressure on the parents to have to save each-other. Friends might have an arrangement, but not a forced relationship between all parents. There's also too much pressure on parents to be all things to all people these days. It's ok to be a 'good enough' parent.

@Ifitquacks yes! I ran the pta for a few years and people expected me to know all kinds of random stuff. Literally, mate, unless it's tickets, bouncy castles or tea towels, I'm muddling same as you are! I have no idea about holiday dates, homework or lunch box rules. Look on the website same as I have to! Take a photo on your phone.

I don’t ask for help.

I’m anxiety driven super organised. Love a list and a wall calendar. I never miss a beat, I don’t think I could 🤣🤣