Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

We did it via a whiteboard on the fridge that covered a fortnight and also a large whiteboard elsewhere we had that contained all relevant info stretching out as far as needed. Without those we would have been completely stuffed.

Do you really know the parents of other kids in the same class? Surely they’re virtual strangers, you don’t even know where they live or who with? How could you trust any of these people to look after your child? I would never in a million years let some random pick up my child.

On the rare occasion I needed someone to collect DD from school for me I'd always ask a friend directly. Would never put it in group WhatsApp and can't recall anyone else doing it as they'd also ask one individual directly. With regard to dress up days, sports days, taking items into school, school trips etc, I wrote absolutely everything on calendar as soon as I knew about it (and still do really, even though DD's now at secondary) I only have 1 DD so maybe that makes easier to be organised 🤷

@Albien

Do you really know the parents of other kids in the same class? Surely they’re virtual strangers, you don’t even know where they live or who with? How could you trust any of these people to look after your child? I would never in a million years let some random pick up my child.

Depends where you live I guess. I live in a village where everyone knows everyone. I went to school with a lot of the parents of the children in my DC’s classes. Still have no need to ask for help though, we’re organised and pay for childcare when needed.

Because I’m a stickler for planning. I have alarms and calendars and notes and lists for everything.

I have multiple children who need Pe kits and different lunches on different days in different years at different schools.

I don’t have time to not have sorted. The children having what they need and being where they need to be at the times they have to be there is the priority.

I’ll answer work calls and emails on the school run, never late to anything in my life can’t stand poor time keeping I’d rather stand outside waiting around for 20 minutes in the rain that be 5 minutes late.

I work PT and on the days I finish work at 2.30, I am ruthless about getting out the door to catch my train. School pick up is a hard deadline and I will (and have) cut off my boss mid-sentence to leave. On days when I finish later, I pay for childcare. I plan ahead around my working hours and factor in spare time for delays. Not rocket science.

I diarise special events etc and am organised because I need to be. Why would I rely on someone else to do that for me?

Similarly relying on others for childcare . Most of my friends are SAHMs and are absolutely able to help me out. But I don’t ask because they are sacrificing a salary to be available for their own children, not to facilitate my earnings.

In the 14 years I have had (3) DC at nursery or school, I have probably asked for help with pick ups 4 or 5 times. Genuine emergencies, and have reciprocated equally.

Reciprocal arrangements made in advance, fine. “Oopsie, late again, please help me out” is just irritating for those that can be arsed to adult for themselves.

There was a mum at DDs primary. She didn’t work and there was a brief period of time I didn’t.
I was always getting texts at 2.50pm - oh I’m stuck in town can you grab DD for me. Stupidly I did a few times. Until I texted ‘sorry I’m at work’ and she asked if I thought the childminder would take her.
Some people just love trying it on. And some people think you are desperate for the company of their child ( but they don’t want to see yours).

@TeaAndBrie

In my experience these are often the mums that aren’t juggling jobs as well

No not all - as someone previously said - some people are organised , some are not. Often when working you have to be more organised!

I’m really lucky. I’ve got 2 amazing friends who’s children are in my sons class. We all help each other when needed. Tbf it’s not very often.

I pay someone to pick up my kids and take them to the park

I have an 'overdeveloped sense of responsibility' apparently. So said an exec coach once. It means I find it hugely difficult to ask for help and absolutely can't bear being indebted to anyone.

Also means I appear to be very driven, self reliant and supportive of the team, which has made me successful in corporate life (I'm not driven etc, it's just the crazy sense of needing to do everything, but it comes across well at work ).

Which means I'm run ragged half the time and also have the money to have a nanny.

We have just made it to the end of primary school and haven’t had to ask for a single favour from any other parent at school. My husband and I have arranged our work schedules to allow for one of us to always be able to do pick up and drop off. The flip side is we often only see each other for a few hours each day because of the work days/evenings opposite schedules we have to accommodate this.

I know of some WhatsApp group chats that did exist but I have never been in any, nor have I ever been invited to join any.

Our school has an app that posts all newsletters, events, important dates etc so to need to forget anything as it’s all there and easy to copy over to phone calendar and set reminders.

My daughter has gone to her friends houses after school to play and we have had her friends over too. This is been more about the social aspect rather than childcare though for me. I have helped out others a few times with after school play dates when they have had work meetings that they had to attend.

The rare occasions I’ve had things like hospital appointments, had to attend funerals, car emergency repairs etc that fall around school pick up time I have asked family to help out. Not something I like to do often, but when I do really need the favour.

Don’t think my daughters year has a whatsapp, and if they do I’m not in it lol! But I’ve always worked 8.15-4.15 and would take DD breakfast club and pay childminder to do pick up. I put everything in work calender so I never miss anything and use grandparents for childcare for some of the long school hols or use holiday clubs.

I've never asked any other parents for a favour. But I'm a single parent who works full time and always utilised wraparound care at school 8-6

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone? What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three? The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk? Do these things never happen to you all?

Not really.

My hours at work are arranged to suit school pick up. I leave at 2.15pm for a 3.15pm pick up at a school a 15 minute drive from my office. I allow plenty of time. That’s the key.

Also, make a note of inset days in a calendar somewhere, on your phone, wherever.

I have asked family for help on occasion, but never for a last minute emergency.

I can probably recall 2 times when I needed help with my two and I am a single parent with no family. You just have have to manage if you have nobody to ask.

Parents use afterschool club

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

I think the council estate bit is because my experience is that it's very community minded (at times!) I find my kids current school is a bit depressing how everyone just loads their kids into a 4x4 and drives off to their own house and shuts the door. Kids on iPads, mums and dads back on laptops. This isn't judgemental because this is what I do too! I'm slightly envious of the mums who walk home with their kids and buggies and stop in the local pub for a pint in the sun, whilst their kids run around the beer garden. I wonder who's kids will grow up happier, mine or theirs?

Probably not the ones whose parents are boozing on the school run!

I'm probably one of those that never ask. I wouldn't dare be late and if I was or I'd missed something I would ask my dad to help not usually a school mum. I don't know them well enough.

My DH and I work back to back opposite shifts. I am fortunate in some respects because I do 12 hr shifts which allow me the ‘luxury’ of only working a few days a week. That said we rarely get any family time so it feels like I'm on my own. I also study part-time and I'm a school governor. It's hard work but literally everything is on a calendar and I tend to recall things fairly easily but flip side is I overthink and don't get a full night of sleep. Touchwood, I've never been late and I don't have to worry about holidays because either I'm home or DH is. The kids however rarely see us together and we have one car so we don't do the beach trips etc that many of their friends do during the holidays. So being able to do those things has a consequence for us and not needing that help.

Hi op, well I used to be a teacher as well as managing 2 kids. I used calendar's, a diary and lists and the kids dad walked them to school. being a teacher meant I missed a lot of my kids events. But I didn’t forget things cos of the endless lists, diary and calendar. Their dad never remembered anything despite taking them to school. My kids went to after school so I’d pick them up from there. Sometimes we’d swop with other parents, but that was just what some people wanted to do. No what’s app, MN or social media in those days.
However for the judgy people out there I also had a cooker that was so dirty a visitor offered to clean it for me. I said yes please btw. (This was cos the dad didn’t do housework., not cos I didn’t care)

When mine were little I had to look after a family member who was very ill. I had no parents nearby. I rarely asked for help (only in real emergencies). I was asked by friends sometimes to help with their children and I was always happy to do so. I was very focused on getting through every day (still am). Throw in the fact I was starting out in a brand new career too. I look back and wonder how I did it, but I just did.

I work PT so between me and OH we are able to cover most drop offs or pick ups and live my life off my calendar for reminders. If not I've made a few close mum friends who I would ask for help directly and vice versa.
Am on a few Whatsapp groups but I don't really engage with them much and there are some weird cliques that I have done well to avoid over the years!

I don't ask because I'm a lone parent and feel (probably wrongly) that I'd be judged or seen to be failing if I couldn't manage to do it all. I will literally make myself ill to get it all done, have the right items in the lunchbox, never forget a day, always be there on time, and I will go to bed at night beating myself up for all the little ways I didn't get things right.

I really could do with learning to ask for help but I'm so scared of being judged, and in the one occasion that I did ask for help nobody responded and I don't want to open myself up to that feeling again.

Stuff is arranged between DH and I any delays or issues I call him and he does pick up it helps his office is in the same town as nursery.
I probably wouldn't message another mum at his nursery if it was an absolute emergency but would a friend who DS is used to.