Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

Calendars?

Some people are just by nature organised and others a bit more scatty

In my experience these are often the mums that aren’t juggling jobs as well

We have a diary, a whiteboard by the door and have jobs that allow for a good deal of flexibility.

The job flexibility is lucky, the diary and whiteboard are experience.

I don’t need to ask these things as people like you do it all for me and then I can see the answers thus maintaining my illusion of being an adulty adult.

I never asked anyone to help with my kids, not once. As for how I did it, I never thought about it. I think you just need to deal with your own circumstances, stay organised and march on. Personally, I never would have been comfortable asking for favours regarding my children. They were my responsibility, not anyone else's.

They're SAHP's.
They have a nanny.
They have family who can cover in an emergency.
They pay for childcare.
They have to plan everything well in advance because they work or have multiple children etc.
They're naturally organised and just "remember" these things.
They fit their jobs around school hours so they don't need to be in a position where they rush about - probably taking a paycut in the process.

None of my 3 kids class even have a WhatsApp group I didn’t know they were a thing till I joined Mumsnet, I’ve never asked any of the other parents for favours

I can't speak for holidays etc, maybe they have lots of help. Regarding forgotten homework, inset days etc, I can guarantee that just because they stay silent, doesn't mean they knew about it. They prob just don't want to admit it.

To add, we've helped out a few times when others have been stuck.

Look, if four people are regularly asking and 26 (?) aren’t, I think your question sort of answers itself. Most people manage.

Personally I treat pickup times as hard deadlines and I wouldn’t be late unless something quite serious and unexpected happened. I certainly wouldn’t rely on others’ goodwill repeatedly, I wouldn’t feel good about that.

Other stuff like snacks I don’t really recognise tbh. Sometimes my kid has fruit, sometimes YoYos, sometimes an ice cream. I think that’s most people no?

They probably rely on their husbands and have flexible working. Some may well be working those emails after kids are in bed. Or maybe they are really shoddy at work but look together at school.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I doubt they are as smug ir happy as you may imagine.

I am a single parent and DD attended a couple of different schools and thankfully never had WhatsApp groups or even to ask the other parents for anything, despite DD having lots of friends and play dates and birthday parties.

I suppose I'm so used to being responsible for everything (lone working parent) that it all sinks in. Never late, never forgot anything. Good calendar in my head.

No WhatsApp group at our school.

Lots of last minute fuckaboutery happens in our house. Like 'oh shit tomorrow's wear stripy socks and a neon yellow headband day, it's 9pm and we have neither, where is the yellow highlighter and do you think Asda will have stripy socks?'

Me and DH both work FT, never ask favours because we don't have that kind of relationship with any of the other school parents so we just figure out a way to make stuff happen and try to be organised.

I never asked for help. I worked full time. I also only had one child

If you're repeatedly finding it too difficult to pick up your kids on time youneed to get your shit together. It's really not hard. Or hire a nanny.

I never asked. I’ve always worked too so it’s not just SAHP. I just hate being disorganised so everything went in my phone as soon as I was told it and my phone was checked daily. Work was flexible for the odd mixup day. It was never an issue and school holidays were planned a year in advance with me accruing extra flexi time and using holiday clubs a lot.

I’m glad it’s not just my kids school that doesn’t have WhatsApp groups, seems like such a big thing on MN! I have never asked any parent any favours at the school but I’m not really friendly with anyone and I’m more of an outsider, I’ve never been asked for a favour either though.

I have a husband who is capable of participating in the care of his own offspring and a childminder who I pay to collect the kids from school.

My kids have been going to the same school for 4 years now. The school day has started and ended at the same time for those four years. I know when I need to get them there by and when they need picked up.

My DC school also send endless reminders about everything. Every single week I get a message from DS2 teacher telling me what day PE is. Despite infants PE day being on the same day every week it's been for the last four years.

@Eyjafjallajokulldottir

If you're repeatedly finding it too difficult to pick up your kids on time youneed to get your shit together. It's really not hard. Or hire a nanny.

I was thinking this.

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone?
What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three?
The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk?
Do these things never happen to you all?

I have a calendar and write things on it as soon as I know about them.

I have alarms set to make sure that I leave with enough time to get to school 10 minutes early, to allow for traffic/road closures/unknowns.

I do chores/shopping during my lunch break, so I don't have to try and fit anything in before afternoon pickup. Laundry is done as soon as I get up in the morning, so its hung up to dry before I take them in the morning.

I’ve never asked for help or been asked either! Maybe I’m just very unapproachable as I was a SAHM until a few years ago so you would think I would be a prime target! I’ve never seen anyone ask on class WhatsApp groups either….

For context, I work a negotiated term time only/school hours job that I love. DH works FT from home. We have zero family help and close friends all live far away. One of our children is autistic so wouldn’t cope with some other mum picking him up.

I’m organised because I have to be and we are fortunate to have jobs that enable us to pretty much go it alone. That’s hugely by design though because we just can’t get help from family and because our SEN DC couldn’t manage.

If you have school friends who are happy to help and your DC are fine with it, then more power to you. Village to raise a child and all that!

We had 3 or 4 families that lived very near and were at the same primary school.

I don't like school watsapp groups. I don't look at them.
I didn't really do the whole school gate thing either.

So we had 3 or 4 families that we all helped each other when needed and it wasn't on any groups etc.