Parents who never ask other parents for favours?

[80caloriesofbiscuitplease]

Like how do they do it?
As I'm sure a lot of you are aware, most primary schools have a primary school WhatsApp group. 90% of the chat is 'I'm going to be late' 'is anyone able to pick up Destiny on Wednesday?' 'Help I didn't know there was an inset day!'
There are about four regular mums who constantly ask these kind of things (of which I might be one )
The rest stay silent on the matters (as in they don't offer or ask) what I want to know is how the duck do they manage it?
How can you never be late, or struggle to pick up your child or cover the endless holidays? How can you never forget the date of homework's or the theme of dressing up day or the name of the TA? How can you consistently just keep all of this knowledge inside and be fulfilled and busy and well off and yet be at the school gate at five past ducking three every single day? To never look sweaty or harassed or answer emails in the park? To always have snacks that are well packed and nutritious?
How how how???

I write it down on my phone calendar and set an alarm for the night before.
Kids go to after school club on days I work, DH collects then. Days I don't work I aim to get to school at least 5 minutes before the bell. The time I leave is a hard deadline.

Some mums on the WhatsApp group post reminders for things, they are helpful!

If it's inset days or half days then either DH or I take leave or if we are working from home the kids are old enough to watch the iPad without much intervention.

School holidays are paid childcare, mix of me and DH taking leave and my parents having the kids for 3 days. We scrape our leave and build up flexi to cover.

I don't really rely on other parents. I've taken friends kids on half days or inset days or for full day playdates to help them out.

On the flipside I'm absolute shite at organising playdates for my kids and worry they are missing out. I'm shy and not good at asking folk for that sort of thing so I may have my shit together for the school stuff, i need to sort it out for the social stuff.

Basically, just get your shit together. Use your phone calender and set alarms. Leave work 5 minutes earlier. Perfect your "sorry, im on the way out, can you email" response if someone tries to stop you when you leave work. Make a note of dates. It's easy when you get in the swing of things.

What if you are on a train back from work left plenty of time and the train just ….stops. There’s nothing you can do.

I will also only ask friends or people I know for a favour if I have absolutely no other options. I hate asking people for a favour, one of the reasons is I hate being asked to do favours for people, so I feel like I shouldn't ask other for favours. My dp on the other hand would ask anyone for a favour, but he would do anything for anyone.

I'll put my comment another way OP, with an example. I drive to work. My route overlaps the bin truck's route once a week. Once I was caught short because I was stuck behind the bin truck. In future I left five minutes earlier on that day.

That's not magic/superiority/flexibility, it's factoring in time for things like this once you know that they are likely.

When mine were in primary (only a few years back) there was no group for parents to talk anywhere. Apart from the odd pickup from my best friend I’ve never asked anyone for anything or been asked.

@TeaAndBrie

In my experience these are often the mums that aren’t juggling jobs as well

I think it's the opposite.

I am naturally organised, but I don't have the luxury to leave things for the last minute, or to have to drop everything at work because I forgot to organise pick-up or holiday camp.

I don't have the luxury to waste an afternoon looking for a costume or a book that I forgot.

I don't have the luxury to assume I'll always find a friend or sibling to help out, or that I will have time to waste to find one available!

So I sort myself out. I don't forget any meeting at work, or any deadline, so why should I forget school deadline or homework? Calendars work well for both.

I plan my weeks so I can do some pick ups. If you can hold a job, surely you can manage the school requests and needs.(whether you are the mum or the dad!).

Everything you need to know is here

DP TAKES EQUAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR CHILDREN

Organise your way out of that! That was the only time I had to call on a favour when kids small

Some people can never be on time (George Galloway, Rowan Atkinson reputedly).
Some people have no sense of direction.
Some people cannot be quiet.
Some people cannot organise at all.

I wonder if some of these traits are things people are born with, just as some people are left handed, others right handed.

However, no excuse for not recognising where your weaknesses are and doing something about it. Technology can be your friend for some of these things.

@80caloriesofbiscuitplease

But what if you're running out the office and you're stopped by someone? What about the rubbish truck that blocks the whole bloody road at ten to three? The fire alarm that goes off and leaves you trapped in the car park at work when your car keys are in your coat pocket by your desk? Do these things never happen to you all?

I've had 3 dc through school now, (youngest is year 9) and would never describe myself as organised...

But I think in currently around 36 years of schooling if I add it all up, the above type of emergency has happened around three times.
Once the car suspension went. One time I was picking the older one up and a car broke down in front of me so I couldn't get past. One time my back went into spasm and I couldn't move.

Twice time I phoned a friend on the school run and asked them directly, the third I had more notice so I phoned dh because I needed also taking down to the doctors.

I am organised.
I'm never late. I hate being late, it makes me stressed and anxious, so I do everything I can to avoid it. I plan in extra time for things and will arrive early rather than be late.
I plan in advance - bags etc are packed night before.
I'm always prepared for various eventualities as a point of habit - my handbag always contains plasters, coins for charity collections, spare pants for the toddler, healthy snacks.
I pay for slightly more childcare than I need, to give myself a buffer in case of emergencies
I have mutual agreements with good friends based around our working patterns, so if I ever needed a short notice pick up from school type favour, I wouldnt be asking an open question on a group, I'd just be asking the one friend, privately

Both working full time. One child. A husband who is capable to share the parenting load. One shared an email address so we both know what’s going on in school. Family nearby to help if needed too. Oh our school is 5 minutes walk. I like to be organised too.

We never had a whatsapp group, just used a calendar and it’s not like school times change daily. I’d really struggle at work if I couldn’t organise a school diary.

Calenders (updated on personal and work) for important dates and jobs that have flexibility work well for us. We both have management roles and are responsible for our own teams, if someone catches me on way out of office I tell them at the start of the conversation the amount of time I have before I must leave at the latest and that speeds up the info relay or filters out something that can wait til the next day, If immediate response required, I outline what they need to do and tell them to call me if the issue is ongoing - again it helps that I can log on later in evening using flexible working to tie things up.

[quote Choice4567]@80caloriesofbiscuitplease if I was running late I’d phone the school. I’d then phone a school mum if needed and ask them to get my child for ten minutes

Absolutely no way would I put it onto the WhatsApp group to be jumped on my 40 judgey mums

99% of the time I have my shit together. 1% I don’t let everyone know that I don’t[/quote]
This. I would call someone I knew. Rather than announce to 30 randoms

I never ask anyone. I achieve this by being in a state of basic panic and stress at all times.

There is one mum on one of our DC’s class WhatsApp who treats all the other parents as her PAs. She has a Very Important Job, so obviously it’s beneath her to read the school’s emails pertaining to her daughter’s life. So she fires off questions/ demands on her chauffeur-driven commute each Monday morning, basically asking us what her DD’s schedule is for the week.

In September/October, three or four parents obliged a few times each. By January, it was tumbleweed, which made people feel awkward. So then it became a habit to reply to her answer just before asking your own question / passing on info however many days later. I felt no such obligation and was the first to not bother replying, leaving her question hanging. Literally nobody replies to her demands now, and we haven’t heard from her in a few weeks.

I stopped working in order to not be that person. No way am I going to forego an income to help her increase hers, I’d rather spend the two minutes painting my nails or doing whatever else people with Very Important Jobs think SAHMs do.

also OP it's pretty crappy of you to ask how it is that people don't need help as if you wanted to improve your life but as soon as they reply you bite their faces of and dismissing them.

and then you dare to say to @EmeraldShamrock that she should trust people more because people are nice.

you mean people like you? you don't seem trustworthy or nice.
You seem to have a book of excuses why you need to rely on others to help as you seem to be late so much.
I would never trust you to pick up my kids.

Most young primary-aged kids have parents who are still together, so that makes things a lot easier. Many have helpful grandparents who live near enough to help out in an emergency.

Some parents don't work, or work part-time which makes a MASSIVE difference, not just in terms of being there at pick-up but also in terms of having the headspace to remember dress-like-a-zebra day or inset days or any number of other bits of fluff necessary with primary-aged DC.

People also tend to have friends who they'll ask directly in a pinch, rather than a blanket-text to all (which some folk would be embarrassed by).

Finally - as soon as term dates for the year are released, get them in your calendar!

I would want my child to be picked up by someone I didn't know, and also wouldn't ask a favour from someone I didn't know. So if I needed help, I would ask an individual friend, not send out a general message.

@EssentialHummus that's exactly the sort of thing I would never remember to do - I'd tell myself to write down a reminder to leave earlier, or set an alarm on my phone, but I couldn't do it whilst driving and then I'd be rushing out of the car to get to the school gate, then oohing over a child's artwork, and confirming something with another mum or a teacher, and it's gone right out of my head! Next week, same predicament! I do think it's a talent/skill.

Well my DP works two hours away and can't drive, so that's out.
Also 50% of the parents are non British so I do offer to help out as they don't have family near by. How do we ever expect people to adapt if we can't help them? One mum is doing a language course and physically can't get to school in time as it's two buses away so I pick up her kid. The dad is working. What's the alternative, she quits learning English, can't find a job and is trapped in poverty. The other two are single mums, one is leaning to drive so I have her kid whilst she learns. I feel sorry for other schools where this isn't the norm, it really is a good community. I'd like to think we're all approachable.

*wouldn't want!

Lone parent, work full time busy community job 40hours a week.

Never late to school - leave house in morning with plenty of time. Leaving on time is non negotiable. The entire morning is set to a timed routine. 7 am wake up, 7:15 breakfast, 7:45 brush teeth get dressed 8:15 leave house school drop off and me to work by 9am.

I write any important dates or appointments on the weekly planner in the kitchen the minute I'm informed of them, sports days, parents night, dress down day, bring £1 to increase schools GPD....

School pick up is my protected half hour lunch that o take at the same time every day and is agreed by HR. I drop DS to family member and then return to the office till my working day has ended.

Routine, calendars, schedules and just always being conscious of drop offs and pick ups. I'll admit it's not a fun way to live but it works.

I share responsibility with dh because he's also their parent. I tend to remember the dress down and charity days, parties and competitions and he's all over the homework. We share drop off and pick ups, both have flexible jobs so it's not been an issue if one is running late the other steps in. No family close enough to help last minute so we've just found a rhythm between us.

I don't really see any scenario where we'd be unable to collect or need to send a message asking an inane question that could be answered by a quick look on the school app, website or Facebook page. In an absolute emergency I know a couple of other parents who would help us out and I would happily do the same for them if they ever needed it.