To hate poems in wedding invites, asking for money?

[payformymarriage]

Just having this discussion with SIL.

You know the type ...
‘All we want at our wedding is your company..BUT.....’
Usually made into a cheesy poem so it doesn’t sound as CF-ish.
I think it’s so tacky. See also John Lewis wish lists etc

AIBU?

For a wedding this flash,
We’re gonna need cash
The brides dress it cost least a ton.
And now you’ve made merry,
With our canapés and Sherry
You can show us themgreenbacks my son!

I don't like the poems because I think they're a bit cheesy but I absolutely LOVE people who ask for money! It's soooo much easier than picking an actual gift and I'd rather give towards their honeymoon or house deposit savings or whatever than buy them something they don't really want or need and it end up down the charity shop!

@MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig

How is it grabby to have a gift list? It’s traditional. From when couples were setting up home together. It might not be needed now but neither is most of the old fashioned wedding ceremony.

We didn’t need anything but we said if people really wanted to give something they could do vouchers for our favourite shop or make donations in our name to cancer research. We raised quite a lot of money.

Its not traditional.

First of its culturally American, I am not American so it no more tradition than a baby shower or celebrating thanksgiving.

Secondly it was invented for the rich to show of during the depression (along with the 'diamond engagement ring' trend which also isnt tradition) so isnt THAT old... bottom draw was the TRADITION.

Third I dont know anyone thats ever had a gift list, especially not the older generations of my family who would be mortified because they see the concept as 'begging'.

@mam0918

Any mention of gifts is against ettiquette (mention of a gift on an invite in invite rules means its manditory) and I find it really tacky (even the 'we request your presence not your presents' ones).

It basically just says gifts are at the forefront of our minds and that just speaks to a grabby personality.

Against etiquette? Not according to Debretts:

www.debretts.com/expertise/engagements-invitations/

(See the further information at the bottom).

Mentioning a gift does not make it mandatory. It mandatory anyway. Having a gift list just makes life easier for everyone.

We asked for no gifts. We ended up with 3 sets of wine glasses from people we are close to who know we dont drink.

The attitude of refusing to give money, so they can buy something they really appreciate really baffles me. So you'd rather your money went on buying something random they dont want? How is that better?
The problem is the assumption that wedding presents should cost a huge amount. Id much rather 20 quid from someone than a 20 quid photo frame I have no room for tbh

Please don’t give us toasters, dinner mats or coasters,
Coz Your taste it is abyssmal, your colour sense is dismal
We’ve made a paper wishing well and cash or cheques will be just swell.

Yep totally agree, we have a wedding on Saturday and it screams they know it’s cheeky but are going to ask for your hard earned cash anyway because anything you do buy won’t be their taste..
there’s an odour of ungratefulness I feel.. never the less I’m putting some money in the card..

I can't stand the poems, and I think specifying cash is generally unnecessary as that's what most would give unprompted anyway.

We didn't specify at all for our wedding, and most people gave us money. We had some vouchers too. And it was really nice having some things to open and keep too!

@MeadowLines

We asked for no gifts. We ended up with 3 sets of wine glasses from people we are close to who know we dont drink.

The attitude of refusing to give money, so they can buy something they really appreciate really baffles me. So you'd rather your money went on buying something random they dont want? How is that better?
The problem is the assumption that wedding presents should cost a huge amount. Id much rather 20 quid from someone than a 20 quid photo frame I have no room for tbh

I'd respect no gifts. But it's the pretend 'We don't want anything but actually we do want your money' that comes across as grabby and naff AF.

The poems are cheesy but I prefer to give money. It is always useful and never the wrong colour.

In real life most people like the bride and groom when they're invited to their wedding and want to give them a gift they'll like and use. So I'm fine with gift lists, vouchers and cash. Never understand the MN hate for weddings, so not like that in my experience.

I think they're pretty cringy. I do tend to give money though anyway.

I should add though, when we got married, my parents and the inlaws got harrased by friends and family on both sides asking them what to get as a wedding gift. My inlaws eventually told everyone money for the honeymoon would probably be best (true). I'm not sure that's any less cringy but at least we didn't say it!

Meh. I give money, most people do nowadays. Wouldn’t dream of a) going empty handed or b) making an assumption to what they want.

@payformymarriage

If there's nothing I can afford left on the list I would just buy a John Lewis voucher and they can put towards something

Yanbu I hate a wanky money poem.

I think it's best to just emphasise you've got everything you both need and just having them attend is enough. Then they send money anyway. I think people can be far more spontaneous and generous when there is no gift list.

Many people spend enough on transport, accomodation and getting dressed up. Friends had a charity presents guide with chickens, donkeys etc. which went down well.

When did it become acceptable to ask for money?

If nobody comes to your wedding you have no party. Gratitude for the guests seems appropriate rather than asking them to pay for themselves.

I do not understand the attitude or idea of inviting people to an expensive day out, and asking them to pay for the privilege.

If a person wants to give cash as a gift they will.

Is there a timer for these threads? Can't go 7 days without seeing one

It's crass to ask guests to give you a gift at all, much less money. Guests surely know if you've been living together before and can use their best judgement, or do you think so little of them that you need to police what they give you because they're too stupid to figure it out for themselves?

Exactly this

As you identified, most just give money now anyway so what's the point in ramming the message home unless it's to say "Hey you - the stupid one who gave Cousin X that hideous vase - don't do it again okay?"

@Harriedharriet

When did it become acceptable to ask for money?

If nobody comes to your wedding you have no party. Gratitude for the guests seems appropriate rather than asking them to pay for themselves.

I do not understand the attitude or idea of inviting people to an expensive day out, and asking them to pay for the privilege.

If a person wants to give cash as a gift they will.

But they aren't asking prople to pay "for the privilege" 😂

I have no idea which imaginary land some of you people live where no gifts are automatically given as a part of nuptials and celebrations. It's not paying for yourself😂

@Youdoyoutoday

Is there a timer for these threads? Can't go 7 days without seeing one

And it's always the same pearl clutching😂 I still find it amusing

@MeadowLines I didn’t say I refuse to give money, just don’t like to be asked for it. That’s different.

@Youdoyoutoday @SchrodingersImmigrant which poems did you go for??

It being an American tradition also explains why I hate it so much