To hate poems in wedding invites, asking for money?

[payformymarriage]

Just having this discussion with SIL.

You know the type ...
‘All we want at our wedding is your company..BUT.....’
Usually made into a cheesy poem so it doesn’t sound as CF-ish.
I think it’s so tacky. See also John Lewis wish lists etc

AIBU?

If someone has spent 10-20 grand putting on a cracking party, feeding me, giving me drinks all day and wants me included in their wedding day memories, I'm happy to sling them 100 quid regardless of how they ask.

@Seren20

Now that's more up my street. I sew. Arguably hand made gifts are truly expensive. Depending on if it's really artisan, they may even accrue value.

I really appreciate either a gift list or a request for money although not in poem form. Can't stand those that say no gifts as no way I am going to someone's wedding without a gift and I hate not having a gift list as I don't want to duplicate.

@lop124

Surely you do remember who gave what amount, in order to write a thank you note? As you would with any gift at a wedding.

But the point remains the same. It's not whether you remember what each guest gave as the recipient, but that it makes them feel awkward as the giver. As I said, I'm happy to give money but I'd try to be thoughtful and flexible to take into account the feelings of less well-off guests.

When DH and I opened cards and gifts we noted down on our wedding spreadsheet next to the guests and addresses what we were given, as you say for the thank yous. However, 2 years on with the exception of the unexpected very very generous cash amounts I have no idea how much anyone gave us.

Just to note we did not request cash or gifts, kept completely silent on that, if anyone asked we said nothing. Most people chose to give money regardless and a few people gave us gifts. Honestly, some of the gifts are thoughtful but not really to my taste, those carved wooden plaque things personalised with names and dates, and you feel an obligation to display them in your home.

Surely you do remember who gave what amount, in order to write a thank you note? As you would with any gift at a wedding.

Hand on heart I have no idea. My foreign arse also never heard of thank you cards at that point so... Yeah. Kind of missed me with that extra wprk there. We thanked people there.

Please come to our wedding
Though we've had the bedding
And greet us with cheer and joy,

We don't want no gifts
You tight fisted gits,
A present will just annoy,

Send us some pounds
And stop being a scrounge
A hundred or more is neat

A card sent with twenties
Will be greatly resented
Do cover your plate at least!!

@payformymarriage

A garden plant is a good idea, I’m going to remember that one

That's a pretty bad idea. I am a keen gardener and I would hate that. Do you consider soil in that garden? The sun? The shade? The care? Whether it's fine with other plants there? If there is even space for it? If not, please don't give plants.

Giving random plants to people is like giving someone bottle of Spiced Morgan without even thinking if they drink that shit🤢

Ok I’m not a gardener - no to plants it is 😂

@Riverrushing21

British people are just very stingy with money full stop... as many of the sentiments on this thread seem to back up. Other cultures are so much more generous and wouldn’t think twice about gifting large amounts. At a friend’s Greek wedding, people were literally sticking money to the bride’s dress and throwing notes at the couple, on top of giving wedding gifts!

Plus, as other previous posters have said, if you’re that annoyed by a poem on the wedding invite, then maybe you don’t care about the B&G enough in the first place to actually be going to the wedding....

Some of those other cultures really go all out in hosting their guests well.

The idea of having guests travel far, stay overnight, for an evening invite with a cheesy poem requesting cash, only to be fed a hog roast roll and have to pay for their own drinks, could very well be considered stingy too.

I'm a gardener and would love a plant! But we're all different, as this thread proves...

Do the British actually enjoy going to weddings though? I'm British and most people I've ever met that go to a wedding seem to grumble at the cost of the entire thing outfits stag/hen dos beer money hotel room etc and the time it takes out of their weekend. I think we are just a bit miserable 😁

I've ever met that go to a wedding seem to grumble at the cost of the entire thing outfits stag/hen dos beer money hotel room etc and the time it takes out of their weekend. I think we are just a bit miserable
I think there is a lot of expectation from people getting married these days too, great they're in love etc shelling out 100's to celebrate with them is another thing.
Especially when all your friends marry fairly close it can cost thousands and spam your social life for 2 years.
Expensive hens/stags weekends away even abroad when you need your OH off work for the DC. In the past a few local drinks would do the job.
Looking at you 2013/2014.

@EmeraldShamrock toro ally agree. They are such an expensive do especially when you factor in stag and hen dos abroad. People now seem to book venues further afield but don’t arrange transport for guests. Then they ask for your money!!

totally

Totally agree, Emerald.

So much pressure is put on the guests.
Transport is a huge change as a DC after a wedding we'd get the hired coach back to the nearest drop off.
It's expected you'll pay 200 for a room after all the other expenses.

@EmeraldShamrock

So much pressure is put on the guests. Transport is a huge change as a DC after a wedding we'd get the hired coach back to the nearest drop off. It's expected you'll pay 200 for a room after all the other expenses.

Yes, and pay for your own drinks, even soft drinks if you don't drink alcohol (and sold at rip off prices). Stay in an expensive hotel in the middle of nowhere, spend a bomb getting there and then there's 'Give us money, too.'

So much pressure is put on the guests.

NO ITS NOT DONT GO IF YOU DONT WANT TO

NO ITS NOT DONT GO IF YOU DONT WANT TO
It isn't a case of not wanting to go, it'd be good to see friends/family get married it would be nicer if they were aware that their special day can leave loved ones eating beans on toast for weeks.

[quote payformymarriage]@EmeraldShamrock toro ally agree. They are such an expensive do especially when you factor in stag and hen dos abroad. People now seem to book venues further afield but don’t arrange transport for guests. Then they ask for your money!![/quote]
Not just hen dos and transport. Many now seem to involve travel, hotel stay, buying your own drinks etc and then a cash request comes along with it. Some aren’t even day invites but evening only so you aren’t even considered enough to see the actual vows!

People now seem to book venues further afield but don’t arrange transport for guests. Then they ask for your money!!

IME these are the ones that tend to come with an offer of accommodation at the venue at a "special rate" - like about 120% of what they'd normally get for the room, in order to cover some of the B&G's bills

So it becomes travel for ages to some remote spot, give us money and pay towards the wedding costs too

No thanks

Some aren’t even day invites but evening only so you aren’t even considered enough to see the actual vows!

I wouldn't go to that at all. I don't get this day/evening thing. I don't think I ever will.

I prefer to give money so a poem doesn't bother me. The insistence of people giving 'gifts' that clutter is do annoying.

When we got married nearly 20 years ago we didn't do a gift list as we needn't need loads of small gifts. I wish we had done a small gift and had a place for gift cards. Most gave cash but we had gift vouchers for places we wouldn't shop and ended up just wasting the money almost. And duplicate gifts from people who didn't want to give cash - two toasters, two lots of same crystal glasses, a different set of glasses, 3 vases (I don't really like cut flowers so vases are not a gift I enjoy), far to many photo frames which are great but non would go on the wall, and a set if his and hers watches.

The cash came in very useful, I remember buying a dining table and chairs and a printer with our money plus we used some as spending money on our honeymoon.

Some aren’t even day invites but evening only so you aren’t even considered enough to see the actual vows!

I wouldn't go to that at all. I don't get this day/evening thing. I don't think I ever will

What's not to get? Not everyone can be a close family or friend. The night reception opens a party out to people in your wider circle such as old friends, colleagues etc.
Personally I'd much rather go to the evening do than a whole day event.

People are absolutely ridiculous about being considered ' not good enough' for the wedding.
I think it's great that I dont get an invite to my cousins child's wedding but get an invite to the party afterwards. All the family meet up and have a good time.