Page 11 | To hate poems in wedding invites, asking for money?

payformymarriage · 2021-06-30T17:27:09+00:00

Just having this discussion with SIL. You know the type ... ‘All we want at our wedding is your company..BUT.....’ Usually made into a cheesy poem so it doesn’t sound as CF-ish. I think it’s so tacky. See also John Lewis wish lists etc AIBU?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/07/2021 19:07

I don't go to evenings if they involve travel or staying over.

notacooldad · 02/07/2021 19:21

I don't go to evenings if they involve travel or staying over
I dont mind staying over sometimes. It's like a mini break! I like spending the following day in a new area.I get that not every one feels like that. Too me it's the best of everything.

VeganCheesePlease · 02/07/2021 19:23

I don't think it's that cheeky really. Realistically, most couples live together before marrying, so it's fair to say they would have got their house things when the moved, either bought themselves or as house warming gifts. I had been told the etiquette these days is typically to give enough money to at least cover your wedding meal.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/07/2021 19:24

@notacooldad

I don't go to evenings if they involve travel or staying over I dont mind staying over sometimes. It's like a mini break! I like spending the following day in a new area.I get that not every one feels like that. Too me it's the best of everything.

Good for you then.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 02/07/2021 19:25

@VeganCheesePlease

I don't think it's that cheeky really. Realistically, most couples live together before marrying, so it's fair to say they would have got their house things when the moved, either bought themselves or as house warming gifts. I had been told the etiquette these days is typically to give enough money to at least cover your wedding meal.

What is the source of this etiquette? Never heard of it. Do you do the same if you're invited to someone's house for a dinner party?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 02/07/2021 19:48

@notacooldad

Some aren’t even day invites but evening only so you aren’t even considered enough to see the actual vows!

I wouldn't go to that at all. I don't get this day/evening thing. I don't think I ever will

What's not to get? Not everyone can be a close family or friend. The night reception opens a party out to people in your wider circle such as old friends, colleagues etc.
Personally I'd much rather go to the evening do than a whole day event.

People are absolutely ridiculous about being considered ' not good enough' for the wedding.
I think it's great that I dont get an invite to my cousins child's wedding but get an invite to the party afterwards. All the family meet up and have a good time.

I just don't get it. Many of us non locals don't get it. I can drink with the couple any time and cheer to them.

Original poster

payformymarriage · 02/07/2021 19:53

@Puzzledandpissedoff is this a thing??
My cousin is getting married next year. It’s 1.5 hours away and the room is £169 for the night. Now you’ve got me wondering if this contributes to their wedding. But I don’t actually mind any of this, as I love her and I want to. But I know a request for anything on the invite will piss me off (haven’t received it yet).

OP posts:

Original poster

payformymarriage · 02/07/2021 19:56

@VeganCheesePlease

I don't think it's that cheeky really. Realistically, most couples live together before marrying, so it's fair to say they would have got their house things when the moved, either bought themselves or as house warming gifts. I had been told the etiquette these days is typically to give enough money to at least cover your wedding meal.

This again! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Why?? It’s the couples choice to get married and how much they have spent on meals. Do people really expect their guests to pay for their meals?? It would be like inviting someone to a bbq and expecting them to hand over cash for their steak. I really don’t get it.

OP posts:

notacooldad · 02/07/2021 20:23

I just don't get it. Many of us non locals don't get it. I can drink with the couple any time and cheer to them.
Its not just about having a pint with them, it's a party. If it's not your thing then fair enough but it is an event that brings people together, often old friends or extended famy members you dont often see.
I wouldn't want that in my local every week but a wedding reception once in a while is usually good fun.

notacooldad · 02/07/2021 20:27

@osbertthesyrianhamster
Good for you then
Did that retort mean to sound snarky? If so why when I acknowledged it isn't for everyone clearly meaning I understand people feel different about it.

SwimmingOnEggshells · 02/07/2021 20:47

I find them repugnant.

This is not a thing in Ireland and the only person I know who did this now lives in the uk. She is the scabbiest, tight-arsed miserly stinge on the planet so it was no surprise she included such a grabby poem.

Can you tell I'm not friends with this person anymore?

VeganCheesePlease · 02/07/2021 21:51

My etiquette comment is purely anictodal. I've no fight to have, do what makes you happy 💕

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/07/2021 22:08

My cousin is getting married next year. It’s 1.5 hours away and the room is £169 for the night. Now you’ve got me wondering if this contributes to their wedding

Not knowing the arrangement she's got I can't speak for your cousin, but venues often say the price will be such-and-such if the B&G commit to filling however many rooms, with the obvious caveat that they'll pay more if they don't ... which is how guests come to be told they're getting a "special rate" when it's often no such thing

The venues win every which way, especially if it means selling rooms that might otherwise have stayed unoccupied, but all that matters is whether you're happy with what's being asked. If you are, I hope you have a really lovely time

EmeraldShamrock · 02/07/2021 23:53

had been told the etiquette these days is typically to give enough money to at least cover your wedding meal.

^This again! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Why?? It^
I don't know why? It is an unsaid rule usually when asking a fellow guest prior to the wedding how much is acceptable in a card, the reply is 150 or x amount should cover the meal, no idea who started it.
Plus I've been to weddings with a cheaper meal I still give that amount.

surreygirl1987 · 03/07/2021 07:33

Yes I have heard that too , @emeraldshamrock. We usually give £70-100 depending on how close we are to the couple, in a card that says something like 'please add this to your honeymoon fund'. I still don't like being asked for money though.

lop124 · 03/07/2021 08:03

I'm also bemused by the idea of covering your plate. I've been to weddings where it probably cost £200 a head and ones more like £20. If anything, the reverse would apply as £200 would mean far more to my more financially stretched friends than the better off ones.

Does it also mean, if you're not well-off, you don't accept invites to the more expensive weddings...? Which you have no control over the budget for. It would be a minefield surely?

thyroidhelp · 03/07/2021 08:12

YANBU - I have no idea why people think it's ok to ever ask anyone for money even at your wedding.

If you couldn't afford the wedding then you should have planned a smaller one. It's tacky AF

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/07/2021 08:25

@lop124

I'm also bemused by the idea of covering your plate. I've been to weddings where it probably cost £200 a head and ones more like £20. If anything, the reverse would apply as £200 would mean far more to my more financially stretched friends than the better off ones.

Does it also mean, if you're not well-off, you don't accept invites to the more expensive weddings...? Which you have no control over the budget for. It would be a minefield surely?

Bemused too.

If I’m paying for a meal I’d prefer to chose my own venue and food. Not pay for somewhere someone else wanted as set dressing.

EmeraldShamrock · 03/07/2021 09:11

Does it also mean, if you're not well-off, you don't accept invites to the more expensive weddings...? Which you have no control over the budget for. It would be a minefield surely?
Yes unfortunately even if you decide not to give a gift the expense of the room and transfer puts it out of reach.
The last fancy wedding I went too, we took a taxi home €90 it was €460 for a basic hotel room we were on a budget. The food can be as expensive or cheap I give the same €150/200 per couple.
She was last friends wedding 2017.
I now send a card a bottle of wine and invite decline.
I'll never do an abroad hen again either.