To hate poems in wedding invites, asking for money?

[payformymarriage]

Just having this discussion with SIL.

You know the type ...
‘All we want at our wedding is your company..BUT.....’
Usually made into a cheesy poem so it doesn’t sound as CF-ish.
I think it’s so tacky. See also John Lewis wish lists etc

AIBU?

Good, I'm not giving £50 and two notes seems odd.

You do you pet.🥰

@SaltyAF

On this subject, is it acceptable for me to give £20 to a colleague? I'm an evening only guest and DH isn't invited, but I done want to look tight compared to my day guest colleagues.

Absolutely fine for a single evening guest in my book, especially a workmate.

YANBU
We’ve been invited to a wedding with an unholy trinity of faux pas.

Cringey begging poem.
On a weekday.
With no children invited.

Thankfully it is an invitation not a summons!

@MiddleParking @hibbledibble Yikes! Should have said it's a small wedding only with people who know us very well; I think I'd be able to reciprocate pretty easily to most of them.

And also only aimed at people who insist on getting us a gift personally; there'll also be an easy charity donation option (our venue is related to a charitable cause).

Oh I go along with the list items @ShirleyPhallus I think a list is rude, but I'm not rude in return. I have also given cash which I find totally impersonal. Never had these specific honeymoon requests though, that I would not submit to.

The problem with a wretched list is I would genuinely get a far better and creative gift but I'm constrained to the list. Lists take the personal thought out of it. It's the same mundane stuff that everyone has over and over again. Nothing unique.

But I guess if you're grabby....

I don’t think it makes people grabby to have a gift list. I think it makes good sense as most couples now live together before getting married and just don’t need multiple toasters / photo frames / wine glasses

I also don’t think there is any difference in giving cash that you’d otherwise spend on a gift

The whole reason for a list is to avoid the far better and creative gift.😂😂😂

I’ve always planned to forgo any gifts at my never going to ever happen wedding and plan a super casual reception and hope a few people will throw together a celebratory/wedding dish from their home countries and bring that instead. My friends are from all around the world. Hence my ‘plan’. Of course I plan to cater properly but celebration, food and all my friends cultures that shaped me so that’s how I’d like to party

Awaits the OMFG you want your guests to cater your wedding. Ps. I’m not even engaged, this is just how I’d like to do it. Food and celebration are so entwined.

A creative gift is vanishingly unlikely to be better than something I chose for myself.

vanishingly unlikely

Hate it, may as well just call it an entry fee. That’s how it feels to me,

I’m quite capable as an adult if taking a suitable gift to a wedding if I choose to attend.

Mentioning anything on an invite bar the pleasure of peoples company to me seems like bad manners.

How is it grabby to have a gift list? It’s traditional. From when couples were setting up home together. It might not be needed now but neither is most of the old fashioned wedding ceremony.

We didn’t need anything but we said if people really wanted to give something they could do vouchers for our favourite shop or make donations in our name to cancer research. We raised quite a lot of money.

I missed these last year 😁

*these threads

It's crass to ask guests to give you a gift at all, much less money. Guests surely know if you've been living together before and can use their best judgement, or do you think so little of them that you need to police what they give you because they're too stupid to figure it out for themselves?

@TooBigForMyBoots

What do people consider a bad creative gift?

I didn’t want to ask for money on my wedding invites, until it was pointed out to me by several people (who were invited to the wedding) that the majority of guests will want to give a gift and if we didn’t specify money instead of gifts, we would just end up with a load of stuff that we already have or don’t want. I wouldn’t care if people didn’t give me a gift at all, but lots of people did want to contribute.

People still tried to give me hand me down crockery sets etc that we don’t need, even with the ‘cringey poem’ so I’m assuming we would have got even more stuff like this if we hadn’t included it on the invites.

Surely it’s better if people want to give you a gift that they aren’t wasting their money on something that you’re likely just going to re-gift or take to a charity shop after the wedding?

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Woman after my own heart. Agree 100%

We once went to a very swanky wedding who had a John Lewis gift list. I had never even heard of it! And if you don’t get there quickly you are left with all the expensive things left (some things were £200!).
That's all down to having wanky friends, not 'a John Lewis Gift List'. I attended a wedding who had a JL gift list and nowt was above £50 at the very most.

I agree @ShirleyPhallus and I don't know anyone in the real world who weeps so much at the thought of buying a gift / sending cash to a couple getting married (thank god)

I absolutely fucking hate wedding invitations with no gift list in. It’s just creating work for me. I want to give something and we all know that gifts are generally the norm - I don’t want the hassle of trying to choose something that you’ll probably hate. I would much rather click on a John Lewis link and choose something you’ll like.

I cannot believe how precious people are about this, I think it’s absolutely pathetic.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

It's crass to ask guests to give you a gift at all, much less money. Guests surely know if you've been living together before and can use their best judgement, or do you think so little of them that you need to police what they give you because they're too stupid to figure it out for themselves?

I mean, if MN is anything to go by people are utterly shite at giving decent gifts. You always get threads around xmas time about what to get my mother / father / sibling / partner because people can't figure it out themselves. God knows the breakdowns these people have when it comes to buying a couple a gift.

I missed the poster who hadn’t heard of John Lewis, that’s tickled me

[quote DysonSphere]@TooBigForMyBoots

What do people consider a bad creative gift?[/quote]
Any, personally, for a wedding. If I had to choose I’d take some mundane shit any day of the week.

Any mention of gifts is against ettiquette (mention of a gift on an invite in invite rules means its manditory) and I find it really tacky (even the 'we request your presence not your presents' ones).

It basically just says gifts are at the forefront of our minds and that just speaks to a grabby personality.