To hate poems in wedding invites, asking for money?

[payformymarriage]

Just having this discussion with SIL.

You know the type ...
‘All we want at our wedding is your company..BUT.....’
Usually made into a cheesy poem so it doesn’t sound as CF-ish.
I think it’s so tacky. See also John Lewis wish lists etc

AIBU?

@Whatapalavaa

Agree. Grabby and would make me give nothing.

Yeah! Better to waste your money giving them a gift they don't want or need .

Are you one of these people who turns up with a plastic horseshoe from the Card Factory?

We didn't send out a wish list or a poem. We told people we didn't want anything. Some people got us nice gifts. Some people respected out wishes. I ended up with ten of those hideous plastic horse shoes. All from the Card Factory and one guest was nice enough to leave the price sticker on.

If you want to buy some useless tat that will end up in landfill, crack on. But don't be offended when the happy couple don't display your 'sentimental' and 'thoughtful' tat gift.

All weddings are grabby. The bride and groom should atone in sack cloth and ashes for having the audacity to have a party, not writing tween, wee poems.

Asking for money is gross. Doing it via a poem is even worse.

I hate the poems, they are twee, stupid, and vomit inducing. But I also have no issue giving money, it’s easier for me and means they will get something they actually want. As PP said, most couples now have already set up together so don’t need typical wedding gift registry items.

I completely agree with the OP on gift registries too. I went to a wedding where they bride and groom had clearly spent loads of time adding a huge amount of things to their list, from a £3 picture frame to £400 le Creuset pot so whatever the budget there was something all guests could afford. But I don’t think this is the norm and many lists have few low priced items on there.

@Woolite99 you sound like a snob.
Said guests probably spent a fortune on outfits, travel, maybe somewhere to stay overnight. Maybe that’s all they could afford.
Maybe you shouldn’t have invited ‘one of those people’ to your wedding if you didn’t want tat.

We didnt put anything in invites, and my mum was then flooded with family friends asking where the gift list link was - lots of the older guests wanted to buy something useful but really really don't like to give money. So then we just ended up setting one up anyway.

We politely asked for no wedding gifts, and meant it. We ended up with several of the plastic horseshoe variety plus lots of cash gifts, some of which were embarrassingly large. Can’t win!

Summaluvin we tried to make the vast majority of the stuff on our list cost £30 or less. There were quite a few items costing around £10-15. There was a handful of more expensive stuff and that was what went the fastest!!

That “poem” is dreadful. I hate the whole concept of asking for money and it doesn’t make it any less cheeky to do it in a shit rhyme. YADNBU OP

Gosh yes, I agree with the cheesy poems being tacky.

Although like others, I have no issue with gifting cash.
Last wedding I went to the invite kindly requested, 'no boxed gifts', so I'm assuming everyone gifted cash and perhaps gift cards too.

@DysonSphere

Right on cue with *@ShirleyPhallus*

I think a request for anything other than your company is bad manners.

Yes, I have always felt this way.

Hi @DysonSphere. If you attend a wedding what do you get the bride and groom for a gift?

I don't like a tacky poem but a gift list can be useful. Personally I'd like department store vouchers to pick homeware and they're my preferred gifts to give but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking. Nor asking for anything, really.

I am less into giving cash; I will do it if I know it's going on a house in a some way but I'm not funding a honeymoon. When I was with my ex we got one vile invite that was ENTIRELY in poetry, then one with a tacky, grabby poem and a link to the wedding website; where we found a honeymoon gift list, where we could buy them experiences and treats. If I can barely afford a couple of days elsewhere in the UK, fuck off am I funding your champagne afternoon tea and turtle swim in the Maldives.

I really don’t understand why people find asking for money “crass” and “grabby” but asking for a specific set of fancy steak knives fine?

Many on MN will be loathe to admit it, but receiving wedding gifts from guests is the norm, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with anticipating gifts on that basis. Many couples now don’t have a list of things they are in need of for their home together meaning a registry doesn’t work. So knowing that without a registry you may well get a mish-mash of things you really don’t want then cash request is completely logical.

I think it’s their wedding and they can do what they please. If you’re that offended by it don’t go.

Poems asking for money are utterly cringe-making.
OTOH I don’t mind people making it known that they’d prefer cash, but it needs to be very carefully worded.

The last wedding we went to, the couple said something like, they only had a very small flat, with very limited space and they had everything they needed. However if anyone would like to give them something, a contribution towards their honeymoon would be gratefully received.

Fine by us - we’d never have gone empty handed and cash in a card is the easiest.

Jeez,its like groundhog day with the money/ wedding threads
People are so hung up about people being "grabby''
You were going to spend money in them anyway so you may as well give them something useful rather than item you you think is 'thoughtful ' ( that came up a lot on last week's thread)

Agree. Grabby and would make me give nothing.😅
And who would be the Rude one then turning up empty handed

Yeah! Better to waste your money giving them a gift they don't want or need hmm.
Exactly right!

Times are changing and some folk don't like change!

You hate a wedding poem that is true
And I would say that I think that YANBU
But others think they're great
So I think it is your fate
To have many cross replies aimed right at you.

Ooh great a wedding gift thread! Just here to hijack it by asking for thoughts on what we're planning to do. We already have everything we need and don't want or need money, so we're going to ask people who wish to get us a gift to use their imaginations and get us a 'date' for our 1st year married.

Could be a simple bottle of wine & a movie suggestion, couple of cinema tickets, restaurant voucher, or something more adventurous if they wanted.

Good idea? Bad idea? Thanks in advance, sorry for the hijack (not really).

*Ooh great a wedding gift thread! Just here to hijack it by asking for thoughts on what we're planning to do. We already have everything we need and don't want or need money, so we're going to ask people who wish to get us a gift to use their imaginations and get us a 'date' for our 1st year married.

Could be a simple bottle of wine & a movie suggestion, couple of cinema tickets, restaurant voucher, or something more adventurous if they wanted.

Good idea? Bad idea? Thanks in advance, sorry for the hijack (not really).*

The problem with this is that as a guest if I received this request I would be clueless what to get.

Maybe set up a gift list with date options? I have seen people do it for honeymoon add ons?

@DuzzyFuck

Ooh great a wedding gift thread! Just here to hijack it by asking for thoughts on what we're planning to do. We already have everything we need and don't want or need money, so we're going to ask people who wish to get us a gift to use their imaginations and get us a 'date' for our 1st year married.

Could be a simple bottle of wine & a movie suggestion, couple of cinema tickets, restaurant voucher, or something more adventurous if they wanted.

Good idea? Bad idea? Thanks in advance, sorry for the hijack (not really).

Personally I’d find this more of an imposition than a well-phrased request for cash.

Do people still think it’s ok even in this current climate??
This past 18 months should really have taught us that being around loved ones is the most important thing. It would piss me off even more to get an invite asking for money knowing lots of the guests have been furloughed or lost their jobs.

(FYI, I am lucky to have a good salary and have been able to work throughout, so this is nothing to do with the fact I can’t afford it. But there will be people who can’t).

Oh god, there are going to be covid related poems aren’t there ...

On this subject, is it acceptable for me to give £20 to a colleague? I'm an evening only guest and DH isn't invited, but I done want to look tight compared to my day guest colleagues.

@zurala brilliant

@SaltyAF and here-in lies the other issue...how much to give?? (FWIW, I think £20 is fine, but I’m sure others won’t)