Dp night out, I don't want him to go

[Summerdaysx]

NC for this as I am a regular poster.

Dp has a night out planned for Saturday.

A few things are bugging me,

We have so much extra to pay for this month and just simply cannot afford it.

His friends are all talking about "getting the pussy" "going to lap dancing clubs".

He will be out until god knows what time and expect me to pick him up, I have a child.

Now I am in no way going to tell him "he's not going"

But what can I do? He will still go anyway no matter what I say!

I wish he would have to isolate for 10 days .

I simply cannot be bothered with all the arguing about it.

He will just say we will get by with money "we always do". He honestly has an answer for everything.

I think money was a very legitimate objection, though; her mum had lent them money to tide them over. She said she would have been happy if he had waited to go out when they had enough money to pay for it.

I think what stands out is her excessive reaction to the breakup. It’s probably because it came as a shock to her, and yes, maybe it does have something to do with it happening to her rather than her making the decision to end it.

He will be out until god knows what time and expect me to pick him up, I have a child.
*
I will NOT be taking my dc out of the house to pick him up any later than 8! I just mean it's the assumption that I would do so.*

His friends are all talking about "getting the pussy" "going to lap dancing clubs".

I am in Scotland so don't actually think lap dancing clubs are open, it's just the chat of it that makes my skin crawl, if they intend to go to lap dancing clubs what else are they going to be doing?!

All said OP, they do contradict somewhat.

I think money was a very legitimate objection, though; her mum had lent them money to tide them over. She said she would have been happy if he had waited to go out when they had enough money to pay for it.

Agreed

[quote Drovememad]@Remoulade where have I said she lied? She stated

Lap dancing clubs not open in Scotland

I won't be going out after 8 to pick him up

That's what's she's actually stated! [/quote]
You said it puts a different spin on things. It doesn't. Rachies DIL is not OP.

Having a drunk man calling you at an ungodly hour nagging you to pick him up, and based on how he is now treating OP, probably not being very nice about being told no, would be enough to make me not want him to go too. Maybe he would have left her for that as well.

@Remoulade I don't agree, I saw OPs side, I now see a different side, based on what @Rachie1973 said!

Remember she's not been called at an ungodly hour, it didn't happen, presumably he had his night out got drunk and didn't call.

[quote Drovememad]**@Remoulade* I don't agree, I saw OPs side, I now see a different side, based on what @Rachie1973* said!

Remember she's not been called at an ungodly hour, it didn't happen, presumably he had his night out got drunk and didn't call.
[/quote]
Because he left her days before....

Thank you to all for the comments and the advice. Met him tonight as things needed to be discussed face to face regarding our dd, we needed to have that talk and now it's done I can focus on myself and dd.

Will look into bpd and speak to my gp. But I do think it's because I had been off my tablets to enable me to take new ones.

I can't feel any worse than I do right now, my heart is destroyed completely but dd is my main focus.

He couldn't have been any nicer to me, which I think makes it worse as I wish I could hate him, but sadly I don't.

Also to those saying I have contradicted myself etc. Maybe I have I don't know. But this week I haven't known my ar*e from my elbow! Everything in this thread is the facts. I was looking for advice so certainly wouldn't be lying. Although I do wish I had been lying then this horrible gut wrenching feeling wouldn't be here.

I'm really sorry, OP. Do you have any type of support irl?

@Remoulade thank you. Yes I have support irl, I just can't process it all in my head. I am in denial.

My sister has BPD, you really don't sound like you have it, you just found heartbroken.

I know you can't see it yet but you will be ok. Not today or tomorrow but in time you will be. Break ups are just the worst but one day you'll see that he's done you a favour. You sound lovely, him.... not so much.

Big hugs, you'll get there

@Dozycuntlaters thank you so much. Reassuring to think I don't have bpd. Have never felt heartbreak like this but I do have faith it will 1 day get easier.

[quote Summerdaysx]@Remoulade thank you. Yes I have support irl, I just can't process it all in my head. I am in denial. [/quote]
It's still very fresh and the way he did it meant you didn't get a chance to catch up with what was happening.
It went from talking about a night out, bit of a tiff about it to him fucking off, having his cousin collecting his stuff and only communicating with you through text. It would leave anyone in shock.

I think rather than us trying to diagnose you online, you should talk to the gp about how you're feeling. They will then hopefully refer you to talk to someone and take it from there.

How are you holding up today?

@Icanflyhigh not good . I miss him so bad. I can't think how I am going to get through this without him. Dd is amazing I am so glad I have her. I just don't want to be without him. Stupid I know but hoping he changes his mind and we can work through this, we had ALOT of happy times. Trying no contact except concerning dd.

You will get through this and you will find the strength you need. Just over 7 years ago now exH walked out on me and 3DCs and I won't lie the first few weeks were hideous - I just existed.
But somehow the days got easier, we found a new routine and because it wasn't the first time he'd done it, I resolved to be strong and found the courage to not beg him to come back. So when he did want to come back, I was stronger, I knew my worth and now I am happier than I've ever been. DCs are happy and I've got a wonderful DP who supports us all - and looking back the best thing exH ever did for us was leave.
You can do this xx

I hope you're keeping your chin up and focusing on DD xx

@Icanflyhigh thank you so much. This gives me hope. Today has been a really bad day. Mornings are always worse so dreading waking in the morning for the horrible feeling. Glad to hear you are happy now x

Just keep going, you are getting stronger every day xx

Get rid of him.

So sorry. Posted ‘get rid of him’ before reading all OP posts. I am so sorry for you but you really are well rid. Good luck to you and your DD.

How are things Summer? Hope you're looking after yourself.

Could he take an Uber Op? Or absolute wort case stay at. Friends

OP try and reframe the situation. Based on going from a night out to him leaving. I imagine things have not been good for some time.

Try writing a list of lovely things you and DD can now do without him. Get out and about (the sun is shining), see friends and family etc.

Sorry everyone I am really really struggling. This feeling isn't getting any easier. The pain is so bad. I have no motivation. He is coming to visit dd today, I am dreading it so much. I can't stop thinking of him being with someone else, giving them all his attention while I'm not even in his mind. It's so hard and I would do anything right now to get this feeling away.