Dp night out, I don't want him to go

[Summerdaysx]

NC for this as I am a regular poster.

Dp has a night out planned for Saturday.

A few things are bugging me,

We have so much extra to pay for this month and just simply cannot afford it.

His friends are all talking about "getting the pussy" "going to lap dancing clubs".

He will be out until god knows what time and expect me to pick him up, I have a child.

Now I am in no way going to tell him "he's not going"

But what can I do? He will still go anyway no matter what I say!

I wish he would have to isolate for 10 days .

I simply cannot be bothered with all the arguing about it.

He will just say we will get by with money "we always do". He honestly has an answer for everything.

OP tomorrow is going to be hard. You know what he is planning to do.

Please don't be an option. You deserve to be the choice, full time.

I wish I could fix those feelings for you, but after having a child so much changes for a woman. I guess there is a lot of fear of what is left for you. Who am I? Who would want me? Etc.

You are unique and right now you are hurting. But you deserve better and maybe with him gone you can focus on becoming the best you.

Hi op
I'm sorry you are going through this.
Please know, that you are worth more than this. We obviously do not know what goes on behind closed doors, but it sounds like you have two children eg man child.
He clearly disrespects women, to be talking like that with his friends. You deserve much better!!!!!

Thank you all I can't reply individually as there are so many comments.

Reading this thread several times a day is helping me.

I'm hungry but can't eat.
I'm tired but can't sleep.
I feel in a permanent daze.

He text me tonight asking if me and dd would like some dinner delivered? (By just eat, not him).

I text back no thanks that dd had eaten and I couldn't face eating. Then told him how ill it was making me, what he is doing to me isn't fair, I deserved more etc. No reply .

I can't explain right now how worthless I feel. I feel like I have nothing (except my amazing dd) I just feel so lost. So used to him being here everyday with me, now he's just gone with not much communication.
I know myself I am being a doormat with texting him etc, somehow I just can't manage to actually see this myself and act on it.

He has done this before, around 3 years ago. Came back begging once I had decided enough was enough I was no longer chasing him. He told me at the time he had always planned on coming back, he knew it himself.

I keep thinking possitive, maybe he will be back next week?! Maybe we can fix this?!

I know deep down it will happen again and I am a mug for even considering taking him back but right now I am not in a good place and I don't see how I will manage with life without him as sad as that sounds.

OP you seem set on ignoring the advice being given it seems. I wish you well.

@KurtWilde I am really not ignoring the advice, I promise I am reading every comment and taking note.

Right now I am saying I will take him back, but each day I will gain more strength and I hope that when he does text me, I will be strong and tell him to fuck off!

[quote Summerdaysx]@KurtWilde I am really not ignoring the advice, I promise I am reading every comment and taking note.

Right now I am saying I will take him back, but each day I will gain more strength and I hope that when he does text me, I will be strong and tell him to fuck off! [/quote]
As a lot of the others have said, if he has his night out and then asks to come back it'll be because he's had his fun. The next time he wants a 'lads night' you'll have the same drama all over again and you won't be able to say anything because he was officially single.

If he was really confused and needed to sort his head out he'd be cancelling his night out because alcohol is never known for helping us make good decisions.

Has he asked to see DD at all?

This sounds like a yo-yo relationship where there is constant back and forth of him leaving, you begging, he treats you like crap but then returns and then everything is fine for a while before the back and forth starts again

She may be too young to understand this now but do you really want that type of relationship to be what your DD thinks is normal?

Yes it will be hard for you but you need to break this connection by putting down your phone and teach your DD that you don’t put up with crap from men

@Summerdaysx

Thank you all I can't reply individually as there are so many comments.

Reading this thread several times a day is helping me.

I'm hungry but can't eat.
I'm tired but can't sleep.
I feel in a permanent daze.

He text me tonight asking if me and dd would like some dinner delivered? (By just eat, not him).

I text back no thanks that dd had eaten and I couldn't face eating. Then told him how ill it was making me, what he is doing to me isn't fair, I deserved more etc. No reply .

I can't explain right now how worthless I feel. I feel like I have nothing (except my amazing dd) I just feel so lost. So used to him being here everyday with me, now he's just gone with not much communication.
I know myself I am being a doormat with texting him etc, somehow I just can't manage to actually see this myself and act on it.

He has done this before, around 3 years ago. Came back begging once I had decided enough was enough I was no longer chasing him. He told me at the time he had always planned on coming back, he knew it himself.

I keep thinking possitive, maybe he will be back next week?! Maybe we can fix this?!

I know deep down it will happen again and I am a mug for even considering taking him back but right now I am not in a good place and I don't see how I will manage with life without him as sad as that sounds.

You need to validate your own self worth and letting him to and fro like this will only endorse that he can treat you like a mug and a doormat and get away with it. You NEED to be strong and tell him to fuck off.

If this was your daughter in your position, what would you be telling her.?
I know this, as I know what I'm telling my daughter now, who is being messed about by someone who prioritises nights out with the lads over seeing her.
I did it for 8 long years with my ExH and wish I'd got out a lot sooner than I did.
Be strong, you can do this x

@girlmom21 no he hasn't asked to see dd yet

He has done this before 3 years ago, I was much stronger last time round, I realised my worth and he begged and begged to come back and I said no, I kept saying no until he had proved to me.

I want to be strong again this time but it couldn't have happened at a worse week, with me being off my usual medication and my car failing the mot etc, it has just been a mix of everything at once or I honestly think I would have been a lot stronger this time round.

[quote Summerdaysx]@girlmom21 no he hasn't asked to see dd yet [/quote]
Use that as your strength. He's communicating with you constantly but can't be arsed to make plans to see his own child. Do you really need a man who can't see her worth?

Your poor child OP growing up with a waster for a father and a mother who calls herself a doormat.

Think about the life you are modeling for your daughter and how you would like her to know she should be treated by men.

Unless you enjoy your heart being broken, you should cut this loser out of your life as fast as you can and as far as you can. Else you will be subjected to this hurtful behaviour over and over again. You took him back 3 years ago and he's done it again. He isn't worth your tears and you know it. Get rid.

Try & see friends or your mum and tell them what's going on. Let them help you to be strong.

You deserve better, even if you dont see that for you, see it for your Daughter, she deserves stability and a loving home, not a home with a Dad that will disrupt and upset the whole family for a boys night out!

This x 10000000

The fact he has done this before just reinforces everthing already said. He will do this again and agaun...because you are allowing it. Do not allow it. He fooled you once to wheedle his way back in amd basically admitted gaslighting you. Don't fall for it a second time

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Stop Texting him … stop replying to his texts (other than one word answers)

“Do you want a meal delivering”
“No thanks”

End

Thank you all so much. I feel stronger slightly today, I will NOT text him again. My dd is my priority 100%. She deserves so so much better than this. I know I do too but sadly just cannot see my worth. If this was anyone else I would be giving the same advice, sadly just can't see right now that this will get easier but I need to hope, it's all I can do. Thank you all again, yous don't realise how much this thread is helping me, I mean it.

Many of us have been in a relationship where we are not valued and we have come out the other end absolutely fine!

You will be fine it’s not an overnight process but you will get there x

In not surprised to read he's fine similar before.

He's set up a really fucked up dynamic in your relationship, he thinks he can walk all over you. I believe he's try to set up the same in any relationship. He's not capable of treating anyone decently.

He's got you saying "I do everything for him ..
Why doesn't he act with respect & live towards me " etc.

It doesn't matter what you do for him, you're not going to make him decent!

You're not going to change his character.

He's not decent relationship material.

And he's extremely unlikely to ever change to being. I know these types of guys, they just go from relationship to relationship, they last as long as the women are willing to take their shit, and they treat their partners like crap. If they can pull them, they usually end up with younger women ... Who are naive and inexperienced and will take the shit, the older women get too wise for them.

They are a danger for cheating and for leaving for a woman they've cheated with all the time too.

His mates reflect his attitude to women. You aren't ever winning with a guy like this

He's been taking advantage of your mg/depression/anxiety too.
In fact the dynamic of your relationship is probably why you are partly feeling depression and anxiety.

Sorry about the typos.

Stop trying to win with a dickhead/bastard!

You can't.

The nicest looking women around can't - look at Cheryl Cole (or whatever name she's using now) with Ashley Cole and that french twat .... It doesn't matter how pretty, well groomed, successful, how good a house keeper, cook, nice you are you them ... You can't win with a nasty wanker. You wreck your health trying to - look at the physical state she was in by the time she got rid of that bastard .. who has a rep incidentally.

I hope you get away from him

They are what they are - it's no reflection on you. Stop linking your self esteem to the fact he's a vulgar, sleazy, laddy, arrogant, irresponsible, shit partner material wanker who conducts his relationships with his boot on the woman's face.