Dp night out, I don't want him to go

[Summerdaysx]

NC for this as I am a regular poster.

Dp has a night out planned for Saturday.

A few things are bugging me,

We have so much extra to pay for this month and just simply cannot afford it.

His friends are all talking about "getting the pussy" "going to lap dancing clubs".

He will be out until god knows what time and expect me to pick him up, I have a child.

Now I am in no way going to tell him "he's not going"

But what can I do? He will still go anyway no matter what I say!

I wish he would have to isolate for 10 days .

I simply cannot be bothered with all the arguing about it.

He will just say we will get by with money "we always do". He honestly has an answer for everything.

OP is it possible that he is contributing to your anxiety and depression?

I know that a change of meds is rough anyway without all these added in stresses.

But you are stronger than you think. You haven't replied to the suggestions of going to your mum for a few days. Is this an option as now you are alone with the DC in your house surrounded by his things which now most likely feels like a void. You could do with a distraction and some help I'm sure. And then give your mum your phone.

If you keep responding to him he thinks he can do the same as last time. Use and abuse. Because this is what it sounds like he is doing.

You don't have to speak to him now. There is no reason to unless it's about your dd. And he doesnt seem awfully concerned about her either.

Have a think about getting some counselling. There is a pattern here and I'm afraid he is taking you down further each time.

Life is short OP. Do you really want to live with this drama forever?

Now stop going over this over and over in your head and get out and do something different that you wouldnt usually do. Try to break your routine. And think about those things you used to like to do, that you don't do anymore.

Key here is to stop contact. You can do it. If you don't your head will keep swimming.

Take control of the situation. You can do this OP.

I'd he even a decent father to your child with him and his step child?

It's very hard to imagine he is if you "do everything" for him. Take it that includes all house work and childcare.

It's also hard to imagine when he's willing to leave the family home and have nothing to do with his child and step child like this - very destabilising for them. That's a very poor parent figure, totally aside from leaving all responsibility with you for as long as he chooses to take to "clear his head".

Please go back on your medication. It's not safe just to quit things like antidepressants. You have to carefully wean off them.

I'm on strong antidepressants and I need them. It doesn't make me a failure, it makes me a better mother to my little girl and partner to her dad.

Please don't take him back. Make a list of things that need 'done' like paying your mum back, talking to your gp, getting car fixed etc. Practical things YOU have control over.

Even if it's just "get out of bed on Sunday" or "play with my child for 1 hour"

You'll start to feel more in control and more focused. Possibly less overwhelmed with the current situation. Fix things you can control and anything you can't (like your dickhead ex) doesn't deserve space in your thoughts.

Sending you hugs x

And by clear his head, he means - get a time out from family life when he fancies it, have his night out that you can't afford, act like a single man, chill out etc and then decide if he'll accept your begging him to have him back,cook his meals, do his laundry, clean his home, have regular sex etc. He's a user, as the poster above says.

There's more than one man in the world. Take him off his pedestal, he's nothing.

Why do you feel worthless OP? He is the worthless one. Him acting like this has nothing to do with you. He ought to be ashamed of himself.

I'd say seek some counceling to help you with your self-esteem. Go cold-turkey on contact with him. Block and delete his number.

You deserve better and so does your daughter.

Can you see a friend / family member tonight and literally give them your phone so you aren't tempted to text him while he's out?

He's such a little prick, please don't take him back - show your daughter that this isn't how men are supposed to treat women and that families can have stable and calm dynamics not all this rollercoaster behaviour.

Aw and don't get stressed about your car - loads of cars fail mot all the time, it's kind of a given that people might use Mot to tell them what needs fixed to meet the not centre's check box list.

Delete his number. Delete every communication from him that isn’t about your child.

I know that isn’t a real answer but it makes me so mad to see you treated like this. You’re worth more than this. Concentrate on you and your kid.

I think people are being a bit dramatic here. Op please don't change the locks or Start a CMC. Couples fight. Sometimes have a break. It might be more to do with him thinking the op can't tell him what to do / what he can spend his money on (not saying that's what you did op). It might not have crossed his mind to "split up" so he can get with another woman.

Presuming he's had plenty of nights out with the lads and not faked him needing space.

You can't listen to strangers on here. This is your life. Talk to people who know you then if they think it's a good idea to leave him at least they know you both and the real situation.

Thank you so much.

I can't go to my mums as I can't drive my car until it is fixed and she can't drive over to collect us, public transport isn't an option as we have a large dog. Best option is staying here where my daughter has her friends etc.

My stomach is turning, haven't text him again, am keeping myself busy.

Not changing locks etc, he left his key here.

Is there anything we can do to keep you distracted? Are you a box set binger at all?

@RevolvingPivot

I think people are being a bit dramatic here. Op please don't change the locks or Start a CMC. Couples fight. Sometimes have a break. It might be more to do with him thinking the op can't tell him what to do / what he can spend his money on (not saying that's what you did op). It might not have crossed his mind to "split up" so he can get with another woman.

Presuming he's had plenty of nights out with the lads and not faked him needing space.

You can't listen to strangers on here. This is your life. Talk to people who know you then if they think it's a good idea to leave him at least they know you both and the real situation.

^^^^

This

Today he told me he was 100% not coming back.

He got his cousin to collect some of his stuff, wouldn't all fit in the car. He has asked to see dd tomorrow. Has told me we are 100% over. Deleted me off all social media.

Every part of my body hurts, I still can't eat, can't sleep. Have lost 5lbs in 2 days. I feel physically and emotionally sore. The pain is unbearable.

Dd is fine. Asks for him in the morning then doesn't ask much again.

I hope we can get through this sooner rather than later

I am really sorry @Summerdaysx.

I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you truly are better off without him. Once you get through this, that will become very clear.

Lean on your real life friends and family right now as much as you need to.

This is the beginning of the rest of your life, and one day you will look back on this and feel grateful it happened - hard as that may be to believe right now.

So cringe “get the pussy”

Thank you I really hope the day where I find some strength will come soon because I can't deal with feeling like this. The pain I feel is like it will never go away. At this precise moment I can't see this getting easier.

Can't stop being sick and have terrible diahreer he has destroyed me

@Summerdaysx
I am sorry you are hurting. At the moment you are grieving the loss of your relationship, the what could have/should have beens. It is like a bereavement. It will get better. Life will be different. But he isn't dead. He is still around and will annoy you. He has been incredibly selfish.
If he comes sniffing back round wanting a no strings shag, please do not give in. It will make you feel worse again & he will feel he can just have what he wants with no consequences.
I hope you have some real life friends you can rely on. Talk to them, rant, cry, get it out.
Then start feeling better. Things will improve.
Every day find at least one thing to smile about. Something your daughter did - climbed into your bed for a cuddle, picked daisies to give to you, laughed at her favourite cartoon. Or something the dog did - chased it's tail. Looked pleased with itself when it nibbled it's feet. Rolled around on the floor like loon. You get the picture 😊. Write it down or take photos. When you are feeling low, look back at what made you smile.
You can get through this. Make the effort to feel better. Treat yourself to a nice bath or shower when dd is asleep. Use your favourite bubbles. Do your hair/makeup. Paint your nails. Whatever makes you feel good, do it for you.

Just seen your update. You need to stay hydrated. Keep taking sips of water. Just have toast. Try to relax & your stomach will calm down.

@Summerdaysx these are the worst days, soon you'll start to feel stronger.

Keep your fluid intake up, no alcohol and just eat what you can.

You've got this.

Thank you both. I hope this pain gets better soon. Everything I am thinking and doing is revolving around him, I'm begging for him back, I know how stupid I am but I just don't know how I can do this without him, I really don't. I need him home to get my strength back

Op, you will get over this. Many many women go through this exact situation. They get over it in time. Time is the only thing that will help.

@TourdeTarte I know, that's what's helping me through this, knowing that 1 day I will be strong & be happy again.

The way I'm behaving isn't normal, I'm totally obsessed with him, can't see my life without him. Would do anything have him back. Wish I wasn't like this, have never been like this in my life!

You will get through this. You've done it before, you knew your worth and he made you feel worthless! So know worth once again. And KNOW this will get easier.

He left you once before, now he has done it again. Even if he came back he will do it again only next time your dd would be older and he would break her heart too. Block his number. Don't text or ring him. Concentrate on your dd and remember you have your dm to support you too. Be strong.