@Summerdaysx
Thank you both.
I know it is him that has caused this pain, I know me & my daughter will truly be better off without him. Just right now I can't face the facts and am still hoping he will come back.
Will need to speak to gp again tomorrow because my obsessive thoughts on him are scaring me, why can I not let go? Why am I in such a complete state?
So, this is my take on it.... currently you are still living as one-half of a couple.
Inwardly you are expecting him to say sorry and come home, and I'm assuming, keeping the same routine as you would any other day.
Nothing is changing for you, but you have this hole in your routine that this fellow normally fills and that's part of the loss you are feeling.
So you are at a crossroads. Either keep going as you are thinking he will return, or start (little steps) to make a new life for yourself and your daughter. How about planning a move? Doesn't have to be out of your area, but in a place that is for YOU.
Taking a step back, when I first started reading your posts, you reminded me of me when I was younger.
I didn't have a child but had a ''special'' someone in my younger life who would ''drop'' me for the weekends so he was single. Come Monday or Tuesday, I would hear from him again... became a regular thing and I couldn't get off the treadmill of it all until his mother told me he was partying on the weekends with mates and trying his best to pick up where he could.
And I was silly enough to wait for the first few times it happened.
So I'm going to suggest that you need to start making changes for yourself now. Get off that treadmill you are on and stop expecting him to come home to you.
Get yourself out, i'm not sure what COVID lockdown situation you are in, but go and do volunteering work at a school, charity/foodbank organisation, anything to get you out of the house. On line education, walks in the park, beach, whatever. Don't listen to your phone, talk to your daughter.
Mute your mobile. Make yourself less available if he calls. He can leave a message on your answer phone or text.
But whatever steps you take, you need to make yourself less available, and more occupied than you appear to currently be.
What's the situation with your car? Can you borrow money with a budgeting organisation's help to get that sorted? Do you have family you can both go and stay with, to get out of your routine?
and once you start to make these changes, I'm going to suggest you WILL hear from him again. He will try and add you back to his social media because he has failed at whatever it is that is taking his fancy right now that he doesn't want you to see on SM. Be it single life or a potential someone he might be dallying with.
However do not concern yourself with him, but YOU. And have the strength by then to be living your own life and walk away from him.
You can do better!