Multiple fathers and cf yummy mummy

[Anonmummyoftwo]

Iv 2 dc both different dads and I’m not with either dad and honestly the thought of being with either gives me nightmares. At the school gate today someone had a family member’s newborn and this baby melted my heart. So the conversation was centred around babies and one mum asked would I not want another and I said I would love one more and the yummy mummy (actually says this on all her social media profiles) made a comment that I already have 2x2 would I really want a third with someone else. I bit my tongue because kids were around and said I could have 10x10 if I wanted and it’s nothing todo with her I raise my kids myself. Really wanted to tell her to go fuck herself and the only reason her kids have the same dad is because she got pregnant and his family made him marry her, wasn’t a gun held to his head or anything just sort of guilted him as they are very religious.
Iv been with my partner now coming upto four years but friends over 10 he’s no bio kids himself and hes amazing with mine. The kids have no relationship with their bio dads and have both taken to calling him dad and he introduces them to people as his kids.

What’s the issue people have with women having multiple dads for their kids but men can have one in every city in the uk and no one says anything really or at least not to their faces

@LemonRoses oh that's surprisingly high.

@00100001 I don’t agree it’s the same thing as the same two people having more children as to keep having more children with multiple people.

I don’t know one couple with two children with the same parents who treat them completely differently financially and emotionally.

When different parents become involved it can be very difficult for the other child to watch their half sibling go off on holiday or come back with lots of clothes or see their mum/dad help them with stuff etc and not get the same from your parent. I can’t imagine it’s nice to experience such disparities so close to home.

Is she Amanda from
Motherhood? Sounds like her....

Well I have five mini monsters by three fathers...

Nobody can ever predicate what happens in life. Also looking down on others all because they happen to have a different family set up is ridiculous.

Aahh predict!!! Predictive text error before I'm labelled as uneducated due to different fathers which is a common one!

Why is the word planned mentioned so often on this thread, as if only planned children are legitimate and loved...that's just not the case. Woman can make choices about their lives and bodies, as long xyz, always a caveat.

[quote Milesbennettdyson]@00100001 I don’t agree it’s the same thing as the same two people having more children as to keep having more children with multiple people.

I don’t know one couple with two children with the same parents who treat them completely differently financially and emotionally.

When different parents become involved it can be very difficult for the other child to watch their half sibling go off on holiday or come back with lots of clothes or see their mum/dad help them with stuff etc and not get the same from your parent. I can’t imagine it’s nice to experience such disparities so close to home.[/quote]
Well, just check out the unfair inheritance thread...

Having the same parents doesn't mean your life is automatically better 🤷‍♀️

@00100001 agreed nothing will ever guarantee that your life is automatically better. But your first set of kids will have already suffered a trauma with their own parents being separated so to see multiple further relationships break down and all different arrangements and disparities etc I just don’t think it’s ideal to keep having children with multiple boyf/gfriends. I can kind of understand having a family when your younger, it ending then meeting someone new who perhaps doesn’t have kids of their own l, but to just keep procreating because you’re in a new relationship it’s just not fair on the kids.

We clearly don’t share the same view and that’s fine.

@Pumpkinbrew

Well I have five mini monsters by three fathers...

Nobody can ever predicate what happens in life. Also looking down on others all because they happen to have a different family set up is ridiculous.

so true 🌸

Op I have 2 kids by 2 dad's and to be honest I couldn't imagine anything worse than having 3 by 3. When my last relationship which was 6 years failed I decided that my focus had.to be my kids. They need me and to be honest the judgement that I would feel if I ever had the third would cripple me. I already judge myself so harshly for my situation that I think it would break my heart if that judgmental cow had said that to me.

At the end of the day it's your choice whether you have another but you have to realise that the kids live with the implications of our choices.

It would appear that Mothers with children to more than one Father are their own worst critics .. 🤔

She sounds lovely.
You've had a bad run with the father's of your children, that's unfortunate and shouldn't stop your decision on any more kids. However I do think people judge others on how many partners they've had kids with, male and female. Much more so if they are single. And that unfortunately means people will judge you if you have another kid with your new partner. But do you really care more about what other people think than what you and your partner want?

I think she was beyond rude for saying that. However, I would silently judge anyone (male or female) if they had 3 children by 3 different people. Although, I indeed got lucky contraception wise as it sounds like neither of your 2 were a choice (not saying you regret them or anything), but if contraception fails it not like you made the choice to have a child.

@LemonRoses but that’s all children not 1st borns, so in my house 100% of first borns and 50% of all children live with both parents.

[quote Oneandanotherone]@LemonRoses but that’s all children not 1st borns, so in my house 100% of first borns and 50% of all children live with both parents.[/quote]
So your first child lives in a household with both birth parents? How is it that subsequent children then don’t? Are you in a polygamous household?
It’s both parents together not one sometimes and the other at different times.

@LemonRoses sorry the PP said it seams like most 1st borns don’t live with both parents, and the figures you gave for children living with both parents were all children so for my children it’s 50/50 but we don’t know how many in the pool that don’t live with both parents are 1st born.

If the question was ‘what percentage of 1st born children don’t live with both their parents then the answer maybe 80%’.

Ignoring the question of how you define 1st born of course, would that only be children who were 1st born for both parents?

Reading the PP it was only relaxing to women’s 1st borns.

*relating

I know someone with 4 kids. The eldest and youngest don't see their dads.

The youngest two do. One of the dads lives 2 hours away so he's away with him all weekend. The other is 10 min away and is always out for the day / holidays abroad. The grandparents have the eldest a lot though.

I just think it's unfair on the kids having different lifestyles.

I can’t find anything that separates firstborn from children generally. Interestingly parents of daughters are more likely to separate. What’s that about?

She tried to embarrass and humiliate you and that's always wrong regardless of the topic. To discuss parentage of children when there are potential classmates around is just awful.

People always ask if my dds have the same dad because they have different skin tones / hair colour and my husband has a job where most partners do cheat.

Ive been asked that question and i said "yes, they do, do your children have the same father,?".

The woman was offended.

I think this thread has become something very close to abusive.

I have 2 children, my daughter 9 my boy 2 they have different fathers.
Me and their fathers have very good relationships, obviously during both separations things were difficult but my children have not suffered because of this, my daughter received counselling which I arranged with through the school on both occasions and I enrolled and passed three qualifications on adverse experiences in children, challenging behaviours and mental health in children and child psychology in order to learn the best way of helping and understanding my children during these times and their holistic futures.

I am now in another relationship and have been for a couple of years. My partner has no children of his own (his brilliant with mine, and is ready to be a dad) and I am now 6 weeks pregnant with his child (as I was earlier this year in may however the pregnancy was ectopic and I lost a fallopian tube and two babies)
I am, however, struggling to think I can have this baby mainly because of the three father situation...this is an enormously worrying decision, and every circumstance is different but with answers like this I think it is children with parents like this that will encounter much more negativity then those children who unconventionally, have different fathers then their siblings. Both my childrens fathers are aware about this pregnancy before anyone else, they have raised there concerns mainly for my health knowing this poses risk for another ectopic pregnancy and do not want to see anything happen to me, they are accommodating my hospital appointments around our shared care situations. I personally am not in denial about the imbalance and structure of family life...but I would think yourself lucky that you found the one and didn't have multiple fathers I really wished that for my children too and never expected to split from their fathers...but relationships don't always work, but I am lucky , that I have relationships with my exes that we can speak and discuss everything as a team and without judgement and all opinions are respected and thought about.
My sons dad is having another baby, my daughters dad already had children before my daughter, its not a recommended life set up by no means, and its tiring and painful at times, but now we have this large blended family that we have created. The kids are so happy especially when they see each other. We babysit for each other, I take the older kids horse riding weekly we dont leave any of the kids out on birthdays holidays etc...
This situation does not have to be negative.
I personally disagree with abortions (my opinion, I wouldn't interfere with anyone else's decision but I personally wouldn't be able to go through with it.) ...yet this is the 1st time I have given thought about abortion and its so distressing, and only for my 2 other children's benefits but if having an abortion causes me lifelong guilt and grief when I could love and nurture this baby who I already have protective and maternal instincts for...then should I be concerned about other judgmental non understanding parents opinions that have black and white tunnel vision....NO.