Multiple fathers and cf yummy mummy

[Anonmummyoftwo]

Iv 2 dc both different dads and I’m not with either dad and honestly the thought of being with either gives me nightmares. At the school gate today someone had a family member’s newborn and this baby melted my heart. So the conversation was centred around babies and one mum asked would I not want another and I said I would love one more and the yummy mummy (actually says this on all her social media profiles) made a comment that I already have 2x2 would I really want a third with someone else. I bit my tongue because kids were around and said I could have 10x10 if I wanted and it’s nothing todo with her I raise my kids myself. Really wanted to tell her to go fuck herself and the only reason her kids have the same dad is because she got pregnant and his family made him marry her, wasn’t a gun held to his head or anything just sort of guilted him as they are very religious.
Iv been with my partner now coming upto four years but friends over 10 he’s no bio kids himself and hes amazing with mine. The kids have no relationship with their bio dads and have both taken to calling him dad and he introduces them to people as his kids.

What’s the issue people have with women having multiple dads for their kids but men can have one in every city in the uk and no one says anything really or at least not to their faces

however i can see that part of the reason women would have more children because they're judged for being single parents. Or at the very leadt, looked down on, pitied or just excluded.

For me and my friends the single parents I know are all incredibly strong people, no one looks down on them at all. Especially those who chose to be single rather than be with a dickhead. I think that earns you respect much more exclusion.

We have a friend who seems to have a baby with each new partner to cement the relationship to make it seem secure. It never works.

I judge all men or women who end up 3 x 3 or more. You need to put your existing children first and frankly stop putting new men/women into their life’s and adding more siblings. One is ah shit oh well, twice is oh fuck. Anymore and your the issue.

To be honest I would immediately disregard the opinion of anyone who self-applies the ridiculous term 'yummy mummy' 🙄

Going back to re-read your OP, you’ve said you’d ‘love one more’.

That suggests contraception isn’t high on your list of priorities.

I’d really suggest you think hard about whether having a third baby is best for your family. Sometimes what we want as individuals isn’t necessarily what’s best for our loved ones.

I’m in a stable relationship with my DH / father of my DC and we decided, on balance, not to have a third because it wasn’t going to the best thing for our family.

I know you think your current partner is probably the one, but before you got pregnant with your current two DC, it sounds like you had a reasonable opinion of their Dads as well.

You don’t have to have kids which each man you’re with. And you’re so lucky to have been blessed with two DC.

Maybe have a think about the bigger picture, the future, and what’s best - on balance - for your DC and you as a family unit.

Wishing you all the best.

She's definitely a cheeky mare. I know a lovely woman who has 4 children to 3 men, all her kids have a great relationship with all 3 men and her and her partner get on very well with them too.
Her eldest child has just got into a top uni and got a job..
She is doing a fantastic job sometimes relationships don't work out. Who are we to judge?

@lazyarse123

She's definitely a cheeky mare. I know a lovely woman who has 4 children to 3 men, all her kids have a great relationship with all 3 men and her and her partner get on very well with them too. Her eldest child has just got into a top uni and got a job.. She is doing a fantastic job sometimes relationships don't work out. Who are we to judge?

That’s a different scenario than the OP - she doesn’t have cordial relationships with her DCs’ fathers.

Yes, relationships break down - no-one’s judging that.

It’s the carrying on having more DC with each man that comes into their lives, which isn’t ideal.

And I think most of us are equal opportunities judgers. A man with two DC by two women wouldn’t get past a first date with me (actually wouldn’t get to first date, if I knew about it).

None of this detracts from the sheer lack of class of the women voicing her opinion - completely inappropriate. But the OP has come on here and expressly asked.

She was rude and probably didn't understand your circumstances. she shouldn't have said anything. That said, I have a friend with three from three different dad's and it is a logistical nightmare for her and the kids. Three different Dad's (some of whom have raised her other children before splitting up). Some have gone on and had other children with new partners who also have their own children (some with half and step siblings ). I tried to map it out once to get my head around it and the number of step siblings, half siblings, cousins, grandparents, step grandparents etc was crazy. Two of her children were included in some family groups, one wasn't. I think that it's far from ideal. Whilst I appreciate that you have been with your partner for 4 years, your past record with men/choosing partners isn't great, esp if neither wants anything to do with their kids. I don't think that you should judge the other mother either. Just as she doesn't fully know your circumstances, I doubt that you know hers.

So both your exes were abusive and you have a 5 and 6 year old so how was you with your ex for a year and a half before getting pregnant? Did you get with him when pregnant with the older child?

So both your exes were abusive and you have a 5 and 6 year old so how was you with your ex for a year and a half before getting pregnant? Did you get with him when pregnant with the older child?

Why is this relevant? I don’t understand why you would need to know these details to form an opinion on the original question asked?

Hmm yeh it kind of is relevant as if you read the ops posts both fathers are only allowed supervised access, why on earth she would then want to have more kids it’s really hard to understand! And that’s probably where the judgement from rl is coming from

If someone has a kid and the dad doesn’t want to know And is only allowed supervised access, then that person goes on to meet someone whilst pregnant and then has another kid and he is abusive and only allowed supervised access as well and then they get with another man when their youngest is only 1 and now want another kid most people are going to find it pretty hard not to judge that situation.

I have read her posts and I disagree, I really don’t think it’s relevant at all. And how would some random in her life have that personal information? It seems unlikely, whether she dated someone whilst pregnant or not isn’t what’s important here and you having that information isn’t going to change what you clearly already think about her, which is coming through loud and clear by the way.

Her children having supervised access isn’t and never will be any fault of hers.

Well to me it suggests someone that jumps quickly into relationships. You can disagree all you want this is an opinions board though.

You sound as bad as each other. Sheesh..

@LemonRoses

Personally, I think there’s an issue with both sexes having numerous children with multiple partners. Nothing to do with sexism and everything to do with the view that children are best planned and raised in committed, stable relationships.

Some of us think differently to others.

But life isnt that simple.

My ds was born into a loving relationship which was commited.

I couldn't see his future affair in my crystal ball.

My friend had a child with someone who she was in a committed relationship with. Her ex became abusive after the child was born. She escaped and started again. Met her then DH who adopted her dc and was his dad.
She couldn't know he'd be killed in an accident down the line.

Sometimes reality is far removed from the plans and beliefs of the situation.

I would judge a man who has multiple kids to multiple women and have done. Know a guy who has many kids, all different mothers, doesn't pay for any of them or see them. He doesn't like me because I think he's a knob and am quite happy to tell him that, but considering his standards with kids, that doesn't concern me.

At least you look after your kids and love them, they have a good life. You just chose pretty bad fathers unfortunately. Dipshit that I mentioned above, he wouldn't even know if his kids have a good life. I'd be surprised if he knew their birthdays.

Well to me it suggests someone that jumps quickly into relationships. You can disagree all you want this is an opinions board though.

I’m well aware of what board I’m currently on, I’m not here to try and change your opinion so again thats quite irrelevant. As is whether she dated someone whilst pregnant or not, it’s not relevant to whether she should have more children or not.

She’s been with her current partner 4 years (most people even ones that have other children with no good fathers) start to consider whether to have a child or not at this stage.

She is a dope. If she is insulting people like that to make herself feel better about herself then she is more than likely unsatisfied with her life. Better to have kids with different dads that live in a happy house than kids with one dad that are dealing with the likes of her and most probably miserable.

I had dc1 at 17 in an abusive "relationship" Am I supposed to never have a child again?

Same for anyone whose first relationship fails. Very easy to sit and judge when your happily married or whatever

I reserve my shifty looks for men who have multiple kids and do the bare minimum, not mums who (generally) want the best for their kids

There's no point in that "yummy mummy" being smug. Absolutely anyone can end up as a single parent- and wanting another child.

I believe kids are better off in stable families with married parents committed to each other. But also recognise that people can make poor choices with the best of intentions, and we’d all make all sorts of different decisions with the benefit of hindsight. So I wouldn’t judge.

She's obviously very rude, but I really think people DO judge men for having children by multiple women

In fact my dad got grief for exactly that from some quarters.

@Teaandtoastedbiscuits

She is a dope. If she is insulting people like that to make herself feel better about herself then she is more than likely unsatisfied with her life. Better to have kids with different dads that live in a happy house than kids with one dad that are dealing with the likes of her and most probably miserable.

OP is judging this woman just as much, if not more so. She’s suggesting the woman is only married because her husband was forced to marry her when she had an unplanned pregnancy. How’s that any better?

Fuck that woman. She’s a bitch isn’t she? Society is sexist like that. Looks like you are with a lovely man now. He introduces your kids as his kids ! What else do you want !

How rude! She sounds like a right nasty soul.

We had 3 dads between me and my siblings and I always felt ashamed of the different surnames and the whole situation, it was the 80's, 90's though and there was lots of stigma then. You'd hope people wouldn't have that attitude anymore.

it's interesting to read how many posters blame the women, on this Thread.

Rather sad reading tbh. 🌸