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Original poster

Multiple fathers and cf yummy mummy

249 replies

Anonmummyoftwo · 29/06/2021 21:22

Iv 2 dc both different dads and I’m not with either dad and honestly the thought of being with either gives me nightmares. At the school gate today someone had a family member’s newborn and this baby melted my heart. So the conversation was centred around babies and one mum asked would I not want another and I said I would love one more and the yummy mummy (actually says this on all her social media profiles) made a comment that I already have 2x2 would I really want a third with someone else. I bit my tongue because kids were around and said I could have 10x10 if I wanted and it’s nothing todo with her I raise my kids myself. Really wanted to tell her to go fuck herself and the only reason her kids have the same dad is because she got pregnant and his family made him marry her, wasn’t a gun held to his head or anything just sort of guilted him as they are very religious.
Iv been with my partner now coming upto four years but friends over 10 he’s no bio kids himself and hes amazing with mine. The kids have no relationship with their bio dads and have both taken to calling him dad and he introduces them to people as his kids.

What’s the issue people have with women having multiple dads for their kids but men can have one in every city in the uk and no one says anything really or at least not to their faces

OP posts:
Taliskerskye · 30/06/2021 22:23

I don’t blame the woman.
I blame a person (m or f) who has children with people that they don’t feel certain with. Op had been with her second DH 1.5 years, with a child aged 2 at the time? Correct me if I’m wrong

If I was her friend and she had got up the duff with another dickhead I would think keeping it was not the best option. And I am deeply dubious of 2 contraception failures.

Some women like having children more than than having a secure family unit. MANY MANY men like having children without a secure family unit.
Once is a mistake, twice is something to stop and think about, 3 times is frankly someone who puts their own need for having children over the actual children. IMPO

But I don’t have children, because I knew by the time I wanted a child, I also knew the man I was with was an abusive waster, and it was last chance saloon for me. I didn’t put my urge for a child above the shit card in life I knew the said child would have.

CupOfTPlease · 30/06/2021 22:27

She calls herself a yummy mummy so whatever comes out of her mouth is questionable.

Bloody yummy mummy will be gummy mummy if she says things to the wrong person.

CupOfTPlease · 30/06/2021 22:29

I couldn't care less if someone had 8 children by 8 different fathers.

If they children are looked after, clean, fed, well mannered. Who actually gives a f**k!

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/06/2021 22:35

He introduces your kids as his kids

Lots of people won’t agree this is a good thing. They’ve been together less than 4 years, the children both have dads even if one doesn’t see him, he hasn’t adopted them, they’re not married. He’s the third dad the older son has had in his 6 short years.

It would be great if their relationship lasted but it’s early days yet for pretending he’s their dad.

susisoo · 30/06/2021 23:00

Sadly people judge whatever the circumstances, especially if you and your partner are not married. We have three children and I have been asked if they all have the same father, which they have.

SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy · 30/06/2021 23:19

@QueenBee52

it's interesting to read how many posters blame the women, on this Thread.

Rather sad reading tbh. 🌸

They blame the person who has multiple children by multiple partners. In this case it’s a woman. And she’s asked for people’s opinions.

As I said, a man in this scenario wouldn’t even get to first date, if I knew about it.

I suspect the raised eyebrows, in some cases at least, come from people who believe/know they have choices (choice is a good thing) - and would make different choices, should they find themselves pregnant with a sub-standard / dysfunctional man.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/06/2021 23:28

@AnneLovesGilbert

He introduces your kids as his kids

Lots of people won’t agree this is a good thing. They’ve been together less than 4 years, the children both have dads even if one doesn’t see him, he hasn’t adopted them, they’re not married. He’s the third dad the older son has had in his 6 short years.

It would be great if their relationship lasted but it’s early days yet for pretending he’s their dad.

I agree, I think it's a bit troubling due to the amount of change OP's little ones have had to navigate already in their lives and they're only tiny still.
pegboardsu · 30/06/2021 23:39

I would judge anyone who has multiple kids, regardless of sex.

It's just not fair on the kids, all that instability.

I was with DH for 8 years before we had a child.
We took it incredibly seriously.

QueenBee52 · 30/06/2021 23:53

They blame the person who has multiple children by multiple partners. In this case it’s a woman. And she’s asked for people’s opinions.

several people judge any Mother.. not just OP, who indeed asked for opinions..

Henio · 30/06/2021 23:57

@LemonRoses

Personally, I think there’s an issue with both sexes having numerous children with multiple partners. Nothing to do with sexism and everything to do with the view that children are best planned and raised in committed, stable relationships.

Some of us think differently to others.

Would love to see the evidence on that one
LemonRoses · 01/07/2021 00:02

Would love to see the evidence on that one

Hard not to se the evidence.

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 01/07/2021 00:09

Where did I say it was any better?

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 01/07/2021 00:11

@AnneLovesGilbert

7081R · 01/07/2021 00:25

@LemonRoses
You say children are best planned and raised in committed, stable relationships.
I'm not in a stable relationship. I'm a single mother to my DS. It took me a while to realise DS's father was emotionally abusive towards me. Now that I'm single, I'm able to focus solely on myself and my son. DS is much better off having me as a single mother. He's been thriving ever since. He doesn't need me to be in a stable relationship and I'm sure it's the same for many single parents out there.
It wouldn't be better for him if I were in a stable relationship. We are very happy and content.

PeggyArmstrong · 01/07/2021 00:49

@CupOfTPlease

I couldn't care less if someone had 8 children by 8 different fathers.

If they children are looked after, clean, fed, well mannered. Who actually gives a f**k!

The children! Only they don't get a say in it sadly.

Some posters on this very thread have shared how badly their parents' poor choices have affected them and their various/assorted step siblings.

Taliskerskye · 01/07/2021 01:10

@7081R
I think the point is getting pregnant in a stable relationship

If that relationship goes tits up for whatever reason, well that’s life.

If you consistently decide that you would love another baby even though you’ve fucked up the father 2 times before… well

Taliskerskye · 01/07/2021 01:12

@CupOfTPlease
Oh yeah. Fed n clean n well mannered

What is this, the east end circa 1932

Carbonated12 · 01/07/2021 01:15

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QueenBee52 · 01/07/2021 01:22

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Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/07/2021 05:26

[quote 7081R]@LemonRoses
You say children are best planned and raised in committed, stable relationships.
I'm not in a stable relationship. I'm a single mother to my DS. It took me a while to realise DS's father was emotionally abusive towards me. Now that I'm single, I'm able to focus solely on myself and my son. DS is much better off having me as a single mother. He's been thriving ever since. He doesn't need me to be in a stable relationship and I'm sure it's the same for many single parents out there.
It wouldn't be better for him if I were in a stable relationship. We are very happy and content.[/quote]
I'm also a single parent but the ideal scenario is 2 happily married parents. Of course it's not always possible that way.

I wouldn't go on to have more children with different fathers because I don't want to add more instability to my existing child's life.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/07/2021 05:31

@QueenBee52

it's interesting to read how many posters blame the women, on this Thread.

Rather sad reading tbh. 🌸

Well, presumably no one forced the woman to have children. Sometimes you have to stop and think, is this what is best for my existing children rather than just thinking about what you want.

If it was a man I'd say exactly the same.

Drovememad · 01/07/2021 05:44

*Its a strange illogical attitude, because if you adopted or fostered loads of kids with different parents you'd be praised as practically a saint.

Not quite the same is it? Hmm

habibihabibi · 01/07/2021 05:48

I'd say of someone with two children so close together and to different dads, who wanted third to be intellectually immature. Social services are already crushed by women with such life choices.
What are your other goals in life ? What's your career path ?

Nicolastuffedone · 01/07/2021 05:53

I’d judge. Man or woman….wouldn’t say it loud though

Shoxfordian · 01/07/2021 06:11

That woman was very rude to you

I’ve had lots of partners but no children because I took the morning after pill and/or would have considered abortion if the contraception didn’t work. Children aren’t just a consequence of sex anymore, there’s no need to have them if you’re not in the right place in your life to do it including where your partner is abusive or otherwise a knob. Everyone makes different choices but continuing with a pregnancy in a bad relationship is also a choice