Multiple fathers and cf yummy mummy

[Anonmummyoftwo]

Iv 2 dc both different dads and I’m not with either dad and honestly the thought of being with either gives me nightmares. At the school gate today someone had a family member’s newborn and this baby melted my heart. So the conversation was centred around babies and one mum asked would I not want another and I said I would love one more and the yummy mummy (actually says this on all her social media profiles) made a comment that I already have 2x2 would I really want a third with someone else. I bit my tongue because kids were around and said I could have 10x10 if I wanted and it’s nothing todo with her I raise my kids myself. Really wanted to tell her to go fuck herself and the only reason her kids have the same dad is because she got pregnant and his family made him marry her, wasn’t a gun held to his head or anything just sort of guilted him as they are very religious.
Iv been with my partner now coming upto four years but friends over 10 he’s no bio kids himself and hes amazing with mine. The kids have no relationship with their bio dads and have both taken to calling him dad and he introduces them to people as his kids.

What’s the issue people have with women having multiple dads for their kids but men can have one in every city in the uk and no one says anything really or at least not to their faces

If you want people to stop being rude and judged about you, stop responding with the same.

Don't use her religious n as a means of attack, or denigrate her marriage.

You may not have done thus to her face, but you've done it here.

Your thought pattern will be just as bad as hers if you let yourself go down that path.

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. I suspect posting a whole thread of self-justification is a sign of extremely low confidence. Is that something that has ever been a concern?

I would judge a man or a woman, not just a woman.

Is she Amanda from Motherland?

She was incredibly rude.

But I would judge a man who had kids with 3 different women every bit as much as I would a women who had them with 3 different men.

Stacy Solomon manages it - 3x3 and another on the way (same father as no.3). I certainly wouldn't judge her.

When you say she manages it, well, yeah, of course she manages it, what alternative does she have? not manage it? Give a couple of them away? Reverse time? Of course she manages it. She can’t do anything but manage it. Just like every other parent who shares children with different fathers/mothers manages it. They have to. It doesn’t mean it’s great for the kids.

OP personally I think your existing children have been through a lot and deserve some stability. I don’t think another sibling that will be the biological child of the only father figure they know will be a good experience for them.

She's a judgy cow. Of course it's better for the kids? What universe are you in - these absent fathers are not reasonable people! You would rather women keep an unfaithful man around as a role model? Or an angry one? An abusive one? One who prioritises a hobby over children and rejects their children time and time again?
Or the widowed? Are they somehow reprehensible if they move on.

I think most people accept 2 separate Mother/Fathers but any more than that is judged. It’s quite common to have a child/ren to an ex then remarry and have more I’d say, I don’t think many people raise eyebrows at this. It’s when people have children to 3 or more people that eyebrows start to raise. Maybe that’s just my opinion though, I just think in 2021 so called ‘blended families’ are the norm.

Ultimately as long as the children are happy, cared for and loved then it doesn’t really matter. An old friend of mine has three DC to three women and he’s a great Dad, has always had 50:50 access with the older children. He had them both in his late teens so was definitely judged at the time by lots of people but his DC are teens themselves now and both great kids. He had a shotgun wedding with his third child’s Mum about 2 years ago, they’re still together but we’ll see how long it lasts (I’m not convinced forever!).

Imagine what the press (etc etc) would be saying about our Prime Minister if he was a woman.

Double standards, every day sexism and misogyny.

But I would judge a man who had kids with 3 different women every bit as much as I would a women who had them with 3 different men.

This. Where is the stability or fairness to the children involved? Different treatment by different fathers, different schedules, just the chaos of it all. I would just someone who chooses to bring children into such a situation.

Nothing she said suggested that she views father doing this any differently to you doing this as a woman!

Your choice, to have a third by a third man. But really let's face it, if you're at school gates, your current children are presumably in primary school and you wish to add a third because you've been friends for 10 years and have the children calling him Dad, without facilitating contact with their biological fathers. If you believe this is because they're "wasters" or similar, then than surely calls into question your judgement skills in the first place to have had children with two men of this calibre.

I'm not sure what message this would send your children if you then opted to have a third and this too ended. Or conversely how they'd feel if this man did indeed stick around and it become even more apparent what they've missed out on and biases towards this child which are probably inevitable to occur.

A few saying about my kids not having contact with there bio dads well ds dad I was with for two years and fell pregnant (using protection and he decided to slip it off half way) and his response was to get rid. He chose to have no part in his ds life until a few months ago and when he did have the opportunity he messed it up and actually scared my ds. Dd her dad I was seeing for around a year and a half before I fell pregnant (iud failed) and I had to leave that relationship because he turned violent towards me mid pregnancy and I had to get a non mol order on him for breaking into my home when I was in hospital having my dd. Yes I had awful taste in men before and I made bad choices but I think it was probably a better example for me to show my kids that you don’t have to stay in a bad relationship rather than them grow up and seeing me getting abused and god forbid they get abused.

Yes I had awful taste in men before and I made bad choices but I think it was probably a better example for me to show my kids that you don’t have to stay in a bad relationship rather than them grow up and seeing me getting abused and god forbid they get abused.

Yes but this isn't their fault either and they are the ones who grow up without one parent. And just say your next one turns out to be a great dad and how would your others feeling seeing this relationship that they don't have. Adding another one to this is just chaotic and selfish to your current children. I feel exactly the same towards a man doing this.

yes I had awful taste in men before and I made bad choices but I think it was probably a better example for me to show my kids that you don’t have to stay in a bad relationship rather than them grow up and seeing me getting abused and god forbid they get abused.
You were absolutely right to leave those relationships but a better option would be not to drag your children into situations in the first place (especially your eldest who has now had to be part of your three separate relationships at only 6years old).

I really hope your new relationship works out and is stable.

I would judge a man or woman who had multiple kids with different partners. So no sexism there. It seems too many people are having sex without taking precautions or deliberately getting pregnant becoz I want kids and it's my rights init.

No one thinks that’s you should stay in the relationships just that you shouldn’t continue to have more kids in new relationships. Also hearing how awful their fathers are one thing I think is really unfair about having multiple kids to multiple men is what if some of their fathers are very active and involved and others are absent? Like your two oldest ones? I think that could be quite damaging to kids

No one should stay in a bad relationship. Sometimes the best thing for yourself and your children is to get the father out of the house.
That doesn’t mean that future relationships need to generate additional children.

I judge both men and women having different children by lots of different partners.

@Micemakingclothes

No one should stay in a bad relationship. Sometimes the best thing for yourself and your children is to get the father out of the house. That doesn’t mean that future relationships need to generate additional children.

Absolutely. But a worrying number of people seem to think a relationship somehow it’s real or important unless it produces offspring. And those same people do it over and again.

A friend of a friend has 6 kids by 6 different dads, and all of them have had their surnames changed to the new partner's each time - so the eldest has had 6 different surnames, and he's only just turned 11. Three of them have SEN as well. I judge the everloving fuck out of that situation, and I don't know what anyone could say to stop me doing so.

(Appreciate you're not the same, but all too often I think babies are made just because the parents want them, not because it's actually the best thing for the children they'll grow into.)

She was rude, ignore her x

@ViciousJackdaw

Tell her you've actually got three DC and five different fathers

Ooh this!

That'll have her scratching her head all evening

I do silently judge both sexes who have 3 or more children each by different partners. A woman I know has 3 kids by 3 men and has just split with the father of her youngest. She’s said she wouldn’t rule out a 4th baby because she hopes to meet someone else. I don’t understand the imperative to procreate with every person you have a relationship with

@notmethenwho

Wow she was RUDE

If she actually refers to herself as 'yummy mummy', are you surprised?

@OliviaWainright
I think most people feel very sorry for his children. Totally fucked up. I know one. No contact. Most people I know think he’s morally bankrupt, even the people who voted for him.
Most people judge him on his shit parenting. But perhaps they think he’s good at his job.

I doubt anyone thinks the OP is bad at her job for having children by different dads. That’s different.

I never met anybody else, so 2 dc same dad and single for 14 years however i can see that part of the reason women would have more children because they're judged for being single parents. Or at the very leadt, looked down on, pitied or just excluded.
The family is seen as the ideal.

Sorry, but if you have ever excluded a single parent because she isnt part of a couple then you are part of the problem.

It's not YOUR problem but you're part of the cause.

Ive had 14 years of being pretty marginalised. I dont care anymore but i can see how lonely people would long to be accepted.

Only when single parents are more accepted and included and not judged will the desire to be perceived to be conforming to the ideal diminish.