Multiple fathers and cf yummy mummy

[Anonmummyoftwo]

Iv 2 dc both different dads and I’m not with either dad and honestly the thought of being with either gives me nightmares. At the school gate today someone had a family member’s newborn and this baby melted my heart. So the conversation was centred around babies and one mum asked would I not want another and I said I would love one more and the yummy mummy (actually says this on all her social media profiles) made a comment that I already have 2x2 would I really want a third with someone else. I bit my tongue because kids were around and said I could have 10x10 if I wanted and it’s nothing todo with her I raise my kids myself. Really wanted to tell her to go fuck herself and the only reason her kids have the same dad is because she got pregnant and his family made him marry her, wasn’t a gun held to his head or anything just sort of guilted him as they are very religious.
Iv been with my partner now coming upto four years but friends over 10 he’s no bio kids himself and hes amazing with mine. The kids have no relationship with their bio dads and have both taken to calling him dad and he introduces them to people as his kids.

What’s the issue people have with women having multiple dads for their kids but men can have one in every city in the uk and no one says anything really or at least not to their faces

Managing contact, finances and emotions becomes more difficult when it involves multiple children with multiple partners.

Many families have two or more children with 2 partners. The anecdotal evidence on Mumsnet shows has difficult this scenario can sometimes be to manage.

Adding children with a third or more partner, adds to the complexity and suggests a desire for another child is being prioritised over the welfare of the existing children. This applies regardless of the sex of the parent.

I guess i judge some couples, for being cowards, for enabling each other, for being smug, for thinking their dc better off just because they stayed together enabling each others blind spots. My parents did that. I was a nervous wreck til i 2as 47

I would think you were brave and strong to remove yourself from two relationships that weren’t right. If you are settled and happy now and want a child, then hope things work out for you. In your shoes though, I would need to feel really sure I hadn’t ignored any red flags before getting pregnant again.

Yes, and maybe see the value in the freedom that comes from your children growing up slowly. My dc still only 15 and 18 but i see the value in my job, my modest income. Glad i never wanted a third. Dont go back to the start when you have two at school.
If you have a relationship it's better to not care that much if it doesnt work out, imo.
My house is my house no complications.
Phew. Motherhood is hard! Being judged makes it harder. I like to be at work where mixed age colleagues dont view me as a lower status mum cos im a single mum.

@Sparklfairy

Its a strange illogical attitude, because if you adopted or fostered loads of kids with different parents you'd be praised as practically a saint.

Thats how you know her opinion is rooted in sexism and snobbery. Theres a stereotypical version of her in sooo many tv shows (motherland springs to mind!) and they're universally disliked!

Surely you can see the difference?

There are double standards.

The Prime Minister does not even acknowledge all the children he has fathered, yet somehow this was OK for the Conservative Party to choose him as leader. A man who has created many more widows and/or single mums by his actions or inactions.

@StillCalmX

I guess i judge some couples, for being cowards, for enabling each other, for being smug, for thinking their dc better off just because they stayed together enabling each others blind spots. My parents did that. I was a nervous wreck til i 2as 47

Yes I can get behind that.

The genuinely healthy couples never seem to wander around preaching about the superiority of their set up, so they?

@newnortherner111

There are double standards.

The Prime Minister does not even acknowledge all the children he has fathered, yet somehow this was OK for the Conservative Party to choose him as leader. A man who has created many more widows and/or single mums by his actions or inactions.

What was it he said about single mums, as well? Something that required gallons of cheek.

Here it is. I can instantly reel of the name of 30 single mums who are a better parent than he is. Breathtaking Knobber.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/election-boris-johnson-articles-women-women-journalist-spectator-labour-a9221036.html

Reel off.

@CupOfTPlease

I couldn't care less if someone had 8 children by 8 different fathers.

If they children are looked after, clean, fed, well mannered. Who actually gives a f**k!

Who gives a fuck? Those eight children do.

for me the problem is the effect on the children. it would be very rare for 3 men to treat their children exactly the same so you would end up in a situation where one child would probably get flashier presents/branded clothes/fun days out/holidays and another who might not even see their father.
Then there is the situation where if the mum died the children would then probably go to the fathers and so be split up and possible not really have much contact. My sister wants me to have her kids if her and her partner died. thats fine but hes onlythe dad of my neice and so my nephews dad and family would want custody of him, it just creates more upheaval in an already devastating situation!
i dont give a crap about how many men a woman has had sex with or how many relationships she has but for me it was important for mine to all have the same Dad. I may have some issues and strong opinions though as was adopted at age 5 and only 1 sister adopted with me, the others were adopted separately.

I think it's more common now to NOT be with the eldest father. Whether that means you have younger ones by a new partner or just the one child.

for me the problem is the effect on the children. it would be very rare for 3 men to treat their children exactly the same so you would end up in a situation where one child would probably get flashier presents/branded clothes/fun days out/holidays and another who might not even see their father.
Then there is the situation where if the mum died the children would then probably go to the fathers and so be split up and possible not really have much contact. My sister wants me to have her kids if her and her partner died. thats fine but hes onlythe dad of my neice and so my nephews dad and family would want custody of him, it just creates more upheaval in an already devastating situation!
i dont give a crap about how many men a woman has had sex with or how many relationships she has but for me it was important for mine to all have the same Dad. I may have some issues and strong opinions though as was adopted at age 5 and only 1 sister adopted with me, the others were adopted separately.

👏 👏

@RevolvingPivot

I think it's more common now to NOT be with the eldest father. Whether that means you have younger ones by a new partner or just the one child.

No, it’s about 67% of children under seventeen years in U.K. who are living with both parents. That falls to around 45% for low income families. The estimated percentage of children living with both birth parents where the parents report happiness Is between 72-89%. Range is because it’s self reported through a survey.

It’s against the grain of modern society but I don’t think it’s fair on the kids for either parent to keep having more and more children by all different people. When people say all that matters is they’re cared for, fed, blah blah it’s just a load of nonsense really, what about the emotional impact it has on them? As the poster up thread says when there’s a disparity about how the Morher/Father treat their children it can cause feelings of unworthiness and jealousy.

I think people should put their current children first and above their selfish desires to keep procreating with every man/woman that comes along.

Some people just have too much time on their hands . I don't believe they really give a crap about the children. They just like to judge for some reason.

I have an ex friend like this , thinks she's so much better than others because both her dc have the same father. She really isn't

You neither make sense nor sound sane.

@Milesbennettdyson

It’s against the grain of modern society but I don’t think it’s fair on the kids for either parent to keep having more and more children by all different people. When people say all that matters is they’re cared for, fed, blah blah it’s just a load of nonsense really, what about the emotional impact it has on them? As the poster up thread says when there’s a disparity about how the Morher/Father treat their children it can cause feelings of unworthiness and jealousy.

I think people should put their current children first and above their selfish desires to keep procreating with every man/woman that comes along.

Presumably you only have one child then?

Do you really think nobody thinks anything of a man with children in every city? I would certainly think very poorly of him and I am pretty sure most people, man and women, I know would too.

I think, for me, I never question how many different DF’s there are for the DC, but I think that anyone who has more than two DC are bonkers and I judge a bit

@00100001 I don’t see why that’s relevant. It’s not fair on the kids regardless of how many there are to have all different mothers and fathers

[quote Milesbennettdyson]@00100001 I don’t see why that’s relevant. It’s not fair on the kids regardless of how many there are to have all different mothers and fathers[/quote]
Because you said you should put the kids above selfish desires.

By having more than one child, you're splitting your time, resources etc that's not putting the child first.

So for you to judge others it's probably best you're not being a pot yourself...

How rude of that woman. Every family is different and there can be great family set ups with different dad and terrible ones with just one. It's how the adults behave and treat the children that matters.