Multiple fathers and cf yummy mummy

[Anonmummyoftwo]

Iv 2 dc both different dads and I’m not with either dad and honestly the thought of being with either gives me nightmares. At the school gate today someone had a family member’s newborn and this baby melted my heart. So the conversation was centred around babies and one mum asked would I not want another and I said I would love one more and the yummy mummy (actually says this on all her social media profiles) made a comment that I already have 2x2 would I really want a third with someone else. I bit my tongue because kids were around and said I could have 10x10 if I wanted and it’s nothing todo with her I raise my kids myself. Really wanted to tell her to go fuck herself and the only reason her kids have the same dad is because she got pregnant and his family made him marry her, wasn’t a gun held to his head or anything just sort of guilted him as they are very religious.
Iv been with my partner now coming upto four years but friends over 10 he’s no bio kids himself and hes amazing with mine. The kids have no relationship with their bio dads and have both taken to calling him dad and he introduces them to people as his kids.

What’s the issue people have with women having multiple dads for their kids but men can have one in every city in the uk and no one says anything really or at least not to their faces

I don't think it's as simple as poor judgement.

I don't judge any woman who finds herself with kids with differing Fathers.

Perhaps Im in the minority. 🌸

Hmm see a 6 year old with one dad, then a 5 year old with another dad, and then the op got with another man when her youngest child was one doesn’t exactly scream someone who gets to know someone before having kids or waits until the relationship is serious, it does sound like someone who makes poor choices with men.

I also feel sorry for the kids in these situations, especially the oldest. I know one lady who had 4 kids by four different men. Every time she got into a serious relationship she had another baby.

The poor eldest had to go through 4 different “happy families” and then messy breakups. It would have been an absolute roller coaster for her. And guess who had to be more grown up and help with the babies whilst her mother was deversted by another breakup.

Completely unfair on the kids who pay the price for their mums bad choices.

What’s the issue people have with women having multiple dads for their kids but men can have one in every city in the uk and no one says anything really or at least not to their faces

I would judge a man with multiple children by different mothers, especially since he is likely to be feckless and not support those children financially or practically.

I probably wouldn't judge a woman in the same circumstances.

I too would not date a man with kids with different mothers

Most people would judge multiple children by multiple partners regardless of sex because:

A rotating cycle of new partners isn't great for existing children to be exposed to - it's unstable and chaotic

The more partners that a person has to juggle, the more complicated contact arrangements are likely to be and the less chance that children will have a meaningful relationship with both biological parents

Multiple pregnancies with multiple partners suggests impulsive choices/poor decision-making

Non of those things change regardless of whether you're a man or woman so I'm not sure this is about sexism - most pp have said they'd judge regardless of whether it's a man or woman

It's often more about putting the stability of your existing children above your desire to have more children.

00:54PumpkinKlNG

I don't go around thinking about people like this and doing maths in my head. You have no idea what has happened to people in their lives or who they've had the misfortune to be targeted by. I take my hat off to anyone on the school run who is doing this alone, or skint Bloody heroes.

00:10Howcanthisbe123

Onlyfoolsandfathers

It comes to a point where you can’t keep blaming the men.

Why do you need to blame someone?

Because someone has to be responsible for children as they are too young to do it themselves, that’s normally the parents.

Like that remotely justifies you blaming another kid's mum on the school run. The only thing you can know about that child for sure is they'd be better off without their mum living under the weight of that entirely unqualified approbation.

Not sure it is double standards. A friend of mine recently mentioned (as we were chatting in the playground) that her brother has two kids with two previous girlfriends (and is not with either of them). He does pay maintenance but needless to say, she think it's tacky and so do most people who hear this. I personally would feel really worried if (say) my sister or friend were getting involved with a guy who did something like this. It smacks of impulsive behavior and an inability to form lasting relationships with the right people.

Three kids is a lot and you do seem to have a history of unstable relationships, which statistically suggests that the odds of your current relationship breaking up is high. I think you should focus your efforts on looking after the two children you already have.

Stacy Solomon manages it - 3x3 and another on the way (same father as no.3). I certainly wouldn't judge her.

I don't think it's a situation that women actively want to be in, they'd probably rather have to deal with only one father. Rather than judging I'd probably find myself showing compassion as they've probably suffered a fair bit of heartbreak. At the end of the day it's about whether someone is a good mum or not, 3 kids with one man doesn't count for much if you're a rubbish parent.

There is honestly nothing better than going into someone’s Facebook profile and seeing:

Works at: Full time yummie mummiie.

Yak.

Personally I do judge anyone of any gender who has more than 2 children with 2 different people. I wouldn't be rude about it though but I don't think it's great for children. It's not just about what you want.

I've got one child and I'm not with his dad, no way am I having any more.

Its a strange illogical attitude, because if you adopted or fostered loads of kids with different parents you'd be praised as practically a saint.

Thats how you know her opinion is rooted in sexism and snobbery. Theres a stereotypical version of her in sooo many tv shows (motherland springs to mind!) and they're universally disliked!

It's certainly not something I aspire to and I think the same of men but she was rude saying it - that said many think it

@QueenBee52

I don't think it's as simple as poor judgement.

I don't judge any woman who finds herself with kids with differing Fathers.

Perhaps Im in the minority. 🌸

You're not alone. Life is hard when you dont have money to fall back on. And money cant even save you from being drawn to people who let you down.
We're drawn to what feels familiar. And we can"t control what other people do. Judging women who werent raised in their family to have a high standard of behaviour from those they let in for then ending up with men who let them down is not only unkind but also it is not logical. I have 2 dc, same father, single parent, it's been hard. 18 and 15, it is still hard.

Personally I do judge anyone of any gender who has more than 2 children with 2 different people. I wouldn't be rude about it though but I don't think it's great for children. It's not just about what you want.

That’s the crux of it, but the issue here is the person who voiced this is extremely rude. It’s one of those things that stays silently in your head.

I’m yet to meet all of these people referred to that don’t judge men equally to women in this regard.

Fair those that say, why don’t people judge those who adopt or foster children from different parentage in the same way . Huh, can you really not see why ……….. This is a process of damage control after others poor choices or unfortunate life circumstances (if outside their control) which is completely different, it’s not the people adopting/fostering that have been the root cause of this situation.

*Its a strange illogical attitude, because if you adopted or fostered loads of kids with different parents you'd be praised as practically a saint.

They’re completely different situations - it’s not ‘strange’ or ‘illogical’ as to why they’re therefore judged completely differently.

Whether she was rude, and whether children with multiple parents is ideal are two very different things.

She absolutely was rude. In an ideal world children shouldn't have the upheaval that multiple 'serious' partners, children, breakups etc entails.

And what on earth has adoption got to do with this?! It couldn't be more different.

@Sparklfairy

Its a strange illogical attitude, because if you adopted or fostered loads of kids with different parents you'd be praised as practically a saint.

Thats how you know her opinion is rooted in sexism and snobbery. Theres a stereotypical version of her in sooo many tv shows (motherland springs to mind!) and they're universally disliked!

If you cannot see how the role of a foster/adoptive parent providing a child from a chaotic background with stability and care is different from a parent creating a chaotic and unstable life by introducing multiple partners then I'm not sure how to explain those rather obvious differences to you

Thanks Casey c cy kik knobs

But tons of people on here have dc from 2 fathers, even people on this thread? That is not uncommon.

@lovethisjourneyforme

Stacy Solomon manages it - 3x3 and another on the way (same father as no.3). I certainly wouldn't judge her.

I don't think it's a situation that women actively want to be in, they'd probably rather have to deal with only one father. Rather than judging I'd probably find myself showing compassion as they've probably suffered a fair bit of heartbreak. At the end of the day it's about whether someone is a good mum or not, 3 kids with one man doesn't count for much if you're a rubbish parent.

This ^^

I have 4 dc with 3 different father's. Ds1 was contraception failure and we were very young. I was married to ds2s dad and ds1 was an adult by the time ds3&4 were born and we were together for 12 years. All of them have contact with their fathers .

Should say , I don't care what people think. Ds1 &2 are both well adjusted adults . I'm sure ds3 and 4 will be the same. I've been single for 3 years now and can't see myself getting into another relationship. I definitely wouldn't want to live with a man again