AIBU to expect female only nurses on a gynae ward?

[PanamaPattie]

My vulnerable elderly aunt has recently had an hysterectomy for ovarian cancer. During a telephone call, she became very upset because she had her catheter taken out and was helped to shower by a male nurse. She didn't feel that she could complain as she was afraid of repercussions.

Am I being unreasonable to expect female only care on a gynae ward - considering the intimate and invasive nature of care?

The problem is that some people are uncomfortable having someone of the opposite sex provide intimate care, when my dad was catheterised he asked for a male nurse as he wasn't comfortable having a female one for that particular task. Patients shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable for wanting some dignity and if same-sex intimate care gives them that dignity then so be it.

@AnnaMagnani

Nurse is a nurse.

If she didn't want her catheter taken out by a male nurse she could have said so before he started.

Very lacking in compassion.

You can request a female nurse but yabu to expect it. How would it be if men refused female nurses??? They are professionals they have a job to do

Were all the doctors female? Unlikely I’d have thought and as a gynaecologist doctor they would be doing far more ‘intimate’ things than the nurse was. She could certainly have requested a female nurse but the male nurse was doing his job, professionally. Just as a doctor would do theirs.

Another nhs professional

Of course it should not be expected that she would be fine having a male nurse to shower her (I’m surprised by this) she should have been asked discreetly some people won’t speak up

I hate this attitude that we should put up and shut up we all deserve to be treated with respect

I work on an all male unit they will often inform us they would prefer to see a male professional if they don’t ask and I think the concern maybe something they would rather discus with a male I ask them

Would never occur to me to expect female only medical staff in any area of the hospital. Medical people are medical people. If people specifically want a female nurse they can request one and if the staffing allows it their wishes should be accommodated but I genuinely think we should be accepting of people of all sexes partaking in all roles in a medical capacity.

YANBU. I worked on gynae wards many years ago and it was all female nursing staff. And it's not always as easy as asking for a female especially when the male is already there. Many patients feel uncomfortable, vulnerable or put on the spot. The onus should be on the staff to ensure a patient is comfortable with a male nurse for intimate care, not on the patient to object.

Catheter insertion/removal is a common daily task on ANY ward, not specific to gynae, and undertaken by ALL nurses.
Personal hygiene is also attended to by ALL nurses/HCAs.

As others have stated, she absolutely could of asked for a female member of staff

@motogogo

You can request a female nurse but yabu to expect it. How would it be if men refused female nurses??? They are professionals they have a job to do

This.

Most nurses are female. Female catheterisation is basic training. Male catheter stuff is extra, and not all staff will have done it.

It’s shocking that so many posts are saying she should either put up with it or speak out.
This is an elderly woman in hospital - a very vulnerable situation. Women are conditioned to not complain, not make a fuss, just get on with it. Well it’s time we stood up and said that we are not prepared to be treated like a lump of flesh with no feelings.
If I see my GP and he has to examine me intimately, he asks if I’d like a chaperone. That’s good practice. Where a vulnerable woman has to be showered or intimate procedures carried out on her, they should automatically be given the option of having a female carrying out those actions. They shouldn’t have to ask!
Those who say it doesn’t bother them, that’s great - but it does bother many others.

Many people very vulnerable when having treatment done don’t like to speak out

We all know this working in healthcare

I think there are two parts to your OP. Your aunt being “vulnerable and elderly” and your aunt being upset. If she is upset, that is the issue, and you should tell her it is okay to ask for a female nurse, the male nurse is a professional who will not take it personally (they really do understand that some patients are from a generation where no one has seen them naked in decades, except possibly a husband or partner). Explain to her that there won’t be repercussions; it’s very normal (especially at her age, though maybe don’t mention that) if she wants a female nurse after such a surgery.

Now, as to her being vulnerable and elderly, if she were NOT upset, I’m a little concerned you had to state “vulnerable.” Would you write if your vulnerable, elderly uncle were being bathed by a female nurse? If not, then you need to think about your own feelings about male nurses. They are professionals. The chances are there are lots of female nurses taking care of elderly testicular cancer patients, yet we never seem to see threads about that.

Nurses have to get experience on a wide range of specialist areas. A vast majority of gynaecologist are men, she has the right to ask for a female nurse if that’s her preference. However to limit where male nurse can work is surely discrimination.

I would ring and speak to the NIC tomorrow and explain your Nans concerns and request that all personal care is undertaken by female staff. I think that's perfectly reasonable.

@SNKB14

Catheter insertion/removal is a common daily task on ANY ward, not specific to gynae, and undertaken by ALL nurses. Personal hygiene is also attended to by ALL nurses/HCAs.

As others have stated, she absolutely could of asked for a female member of staff

My MIL was very frightened when a male HCP came into her room in the care home where she was having an assessment and proceeded to shower her. In fact she begged my DH to take her home. She hadn’t been seen naked by anyone apart from her husband in 55 years, and was only seen by female midwives when she gave birth. She also only ever saw female GPS for any intimate exams. Why should she have to just accept a male presence when she’s at her most vulnerable?

After a gave birth I was stitched up by a man, I was on the gas and air and just told him to stitch it up tight, thought I'd practically be a virgin again :-D Didn't bother me at all that it was a man as he'd obviously seen it all before a million times.

I think it is very unreasonable to expect men to not work on certain wards.

@motogogo

You can request a female nurse but yabu to expect it. How would it be if men refused female nurses??? They are professionals they have a job to do

I think it's also fine if men request to be seen by a male nurse

Ideal the nurse should seek consent and that should include a question about whether the patient is comfortable with a nurse of the opposite sex proving intimate care.
Being washed is far more intimate than just being seen naked. It’s very different to having a chaperoned procedure. The ‘nurse’ was probably not actually a nurse. Most help with showering would be by a healthcare assistant. Somewhat different.

I would suggest making comment to PALS and using the feedback survey to raise the concern. It’s not acceptable and the pandemic doesn’t change that.

YABU to expect female only nurses in a gyne Ward.

YANBU to ask for a female nurse to help with showering and intimate exams.

Bloody hell I'm surprised by some of the responses here. We're talking about a vulnerable elderly woman, who has just had a major op. Show some compassion ff.

She should have been asked. That's not unreasonable. I hope she's OK OP.

There is a power imbalance when you are a patient in a hospital and it should be taken into consideration that some people will be too frightened to ask for a female nurse, it would not take two minutes for someone to say on arrival are you ok with male staff or would you prefer all female?

I would expect all staff on a gyne ward to be female unless there was a staff shortage.

I once had to have an ambulance for a problem that required an intimate examination and the male paramedic said, without me asking or expecting, that he would stay outside of the room unless he was needed, to preserve my dignity.

It’s a hard situation but Unless she is worried that her consultant/surgeon was male she cannot complain about a male nurse. It’s amazing how many people are ok with male gynaes or obstetricians but not male Midwives or nurses

You are not at all unreasonable but I'm afraid that is how it goes nowadays. I spent a week in hospital about three years ago after an accident and could barely move; I had the same experience.

When I was doing my training my grandad who was an inpatient at the time was horrified that I would be cleaning men I explained it's just the job and male or female the nurses don't care if you are male or female they are there to care regardless
But if your aunt was uncomfortable she would have been well within her rights to ask fir a female or a chaperone hope she recovers quick op x

She should have asked, it’s very sad that she wasn’t happy to.
I had a male midwife. It didn’t phase me at all, i would have asked for a female had I felt uncomfortable.