AIBU to expect female only nurses on a gynae ward?

[PanamaPattie]

My vulnerable elderly aunt has recently had an hysterectomy for ovarian cancer. During a telephone call, she became very upset because she had her catheter taken out and was helped to shower by a male nurse. She didn't feel that she could complain as she was afraid of repercussions.

Am I being unreasonable to expect female only care on a gynae ward - considering the intimate and invasive nature of care?

Yabu to expect all females. Not everyone is comfortable with other women. The Gynecologist who treated me was male. Very professional, gentle and respectful, I had no complaints at all.

Why didn't she just ask for a woman? There are no repercussions for requesting same sex nurse.

Adding on to my last comment.. I do appreciate the lady is elderly and may have felt uncomfortable. However, I agree with other posters... The NHS is understaffed and do not have the capacity to give everyone choices as to who cares for them.

I do take the point about male obs and gynae doctors, and what is the difference. Most women in their 80s will have seen someone like that at some point, and most (in the past) will have been male. So what is the difference? Why are we more willing (or less inclined to complain) about receiving care from male doctors than nurses?

(I am not really that comfortable myself with male gynae drs, btw, because there can be rogue ones, obviously, and I have heard and read some horror stories...

My son is a nurse, he says he asks every female patient if she would prefer a female nurse for anything sensitive.
He said sometimes the patients do say they'd prefer a female but after a couple of days (when he has gained their trust) they often ask for him by name.
He said sometimes male patients ask for a female nurse as they suspect my son might be gay. Go figure!

I think it's also fine if men request to be seen by a male nurse

They could be waiting a long time for anything to be done then. I’ve worked in the nhs for a long time and not unusual to not have a male nurse on that ward or any ward in the vicinity on a particular shift.

I think that I would be OK with medical care from either men or women nurses. I would not however be happy with personal care from a male. In any case, you should be able to make the request.

@lljkk

"she was afraid of repercussions"

why? 80-something is not too old to learn to be assertive. Skills always to be gained.

You are kidding? I'm a healthy, strong, confident woman and I've been bullied and made to feel scared in hospital. Imagine being frail and elderly in that situation.

@Keepingitreal14

Should men be cared for by male only nurses? How does that work if there isn’t enough available? What about male doctors, are they ok?

Stop being so bloody disingenuous with your "gotchas". This is an elderly woman's health and well-being we're discussing. There's no place for your idiotic "equality".

Jesus.

Why are we more willing (or less inclined to complain) about receiving care from male doctors than nurses?

I think because there's a difference between someone briefly touching bits of you in the process of doing their job (for example, taking out the catheter) and helping/watching you do day to day stuff like washing - one is more easily put into medical care, the other feels more intimate.

@Hyacinth88

I think you are being unreasonable but I understand the point. The gynae ward part is irrelevant. Loads of people have catheters or surgery and need help showing etc after surgery. You cnst ban male nurses

The fact it's a gynae ward probably is relevant, as there will only be women in it.

@rubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime

"Just Google ‘nurse charged with sexual assault’ and see if you notice anything about the results."

I'm assuming we shouldn't have male primary school teachers either then? Because obviously there are more reported male pedophiles than female!!??

Was it a male hca. Nurses rarely have time to shower patients

I was about to say this…sadly, she was lucky to have assistance. After major bowel surgery / stoma placement I would’ve been grateful for any assistance on the occasion that I covered the ward toilet / shower area in shit, but I was handed a roll of blue paper and had to do it all myself, with my morphine pump trailing along for company.

THE best nurse on my ward was male and half the HCAs were male. It is refreshing to see so many men going into caring professions.

[quote Spotthedog91]@rubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime

"Just Google ‘nurse charged with sexual assault’ and see if you notice anything about the results."

I'm assuming we shouldn't have male primary school teachers either then? Because obviously there are more reported male pedophiles than female!!??[/quote]
Primary teachers won't be giving intimate care to children, or be one on one with them. Not sure what comparison you are trying to draw on that one.

There are loads of practical issues around this. We're not exactly overrun with nurses in the NHS.

On our ward there are no male nurses, our trauma patients are mainly male. If someone (or everyone) insisted on male nurses, most of the ward wouldn't be getting any personal care on that day. The reverse isn't quite true, but if you ask that your (male) nurse is replaced by someone else for your care or part of it, that increases the workload for that person and leaves the first person potentially underutilised.

You have to be very careful about how you offer the choice. Best would be for John, or Mark or whoever to introduce themselves on their morning drug round and offer 'I'll be looking after you today, If you'd be more comfortable with a female nurse at any point just let me know' rather than 'Would you prefer a male or female nurse?'.

There will be Male nurses as well as Male doctors on every ward? I wonder if she would've felt different had it been a Male doctor? I've worked as a student nurse on a gynae ward and patients could request female nurses to do personal care, however not many did. It's a job at the end of the day. All the Male nurses I worked with were amazing.

I'm assuming we shouldn't have male primary school teachers either then? Because obviously there are more reported male pedophiles than female!!??

OOooh - nice sneaky use of 'reported' there.. subtly suggesting women just get away with it...

Nothing wrong with male and female nurses and primary teachers. If providing intimate care, safeguarding needs to be followed though, especially with children.

She should have absolutely been asked! That would have been compassionate. I would be tempted to let the hospital know how your aunt felt.

I’m sorry for her experience but YABU.

I’ve been to gynae words way too many times and actually I find male nurses to be better. They are more sympathetic and treat you better. On any ward if you have a male nurse and feel uncomfortable you can ask for a female one or a chaperone. All you do is use your voice. Nurses are nurses whether their male or female in my eyes.

The lack of understanding, empathy and brain engagement for the vulnerabilities of other women is staggering on this thread… misogyny at its best.

This.

I think people are forgetting that because of Covid resrictions OPs aunt went through this alone. A lot of people are in and out of hospital, or are HCP and feel comfortable advocating for themselves, but a lot of people find hospitals traumatising at the best of times and don't feel strong enough to speak their concerns. I think it should be the responsibility of the HCA to request consent from the patient.

It's not unreasonable for her to have wanted a female nurse

I do think its unreasonable to expect all female nurses on gynae words. It does make me sad though that she felt unable to ask for a female nurse.

Sorry that didn't read right. I mean that just because it's a gynae ward won't mean that Male nurses arent employed. They have the right to work wherever.

@treehaus it's about tarring all men with the same brush.

What about lesbians? Should lesbians not be allowed to work on gynae wards?

House!

My gynaecologist was male. It didn’t occur to me to be upset by it. Knowledge and bedside manner (or whatever) were very good. I don’t think he was less than for being a man and I hope I wouldn’t think it about a nurse. Often elderly patients will take an “educated” male doctor (obstetrics or gynaecology) but think nurses should be women. My aunt liked a male doctor or surgeon (she would have hated a female one!) but just female nurses. It was misogyny, pure and simple. Women can change bed pans, men can do the Real Work.

At 37, it would not have worried me one bit to have been attended by a male nurse or orderly. Now I'm 65, I feel a bit more vulnerable, and I would prefer care from another woman. My demented DMIL, aged 92, with an anal fissure, double incontinence, scoliosis and other chronic health conditions related to age surely should have the choice of care from the person of the gender she prefers? It is about dignity.