Abiu To put 1 year old to bed hungry?

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Abiu to put my 1 year old to bed hungry if she doesn't eat the meal I make, this last week she has decided she doesn't want to eat anything I give her on a spoon she doesn't even look at it or smell it and definitely doesn't try it, it's just straight away shaking had and crying she's hungry because she takes her dummy out then cries. This last week Ive given in and made her toast before bed and I feel like shes just waiting for the toast.
Would I be unreasonable to just not offer her anything else but the meal I'm making tonight (cottage pie) and if she doesn't eat it then she goes to bed hungry with her bottle of milk?

@WeatherSystems

Yep. I'm not claiming to be an expert in food and kids, nor do I have any real experience barring one toddler who for all I know would be a good eater whatever I do (and might turn into a picky one later on regardless of my intentions!). But it seems like such an obvious concept, backed by so many dieticians. The health visitors in my area literally advise parents to take this approach and steer them away from the 'keep offering different things until they eat at least something' idea. It's pretty obvious how counterproductive that would end up being.

You’d think but look at the comments on this thread, accusations of neglect being flung about left and right.

Same here, I’m not expert but I’ve dealt with food refusal and all the worry it causes from following advice like we can see in this post, unequivocally made the situation worse. Unfortunately HV in my area are a mixed bag and with my girl being small there has been, in my experience, a huge focus on weight gain no matter the cost. We were told by one to get her to eat no matter what she needs more, looking back she ate absolutely fine, but this advice was awful and hugely affected her. X

@KingdomScrolls

I've been told by relatives that I'm harsh because we don't give DS crisps, chocolate etc, not even baby crisps because for me it wasn't about the nutritional content it was the habit forming around snacking on unhealthy things. He's now 2.5 and had a small bit of cake at a party, he had ice cream the other day at the beach, but we don't have a snack/treat cupboard if he's hungry between meals he can have a snack but it will be apple slices with whole nut butter or plain rice cake, avocado, cannot sticks, humous pitta and apple slices, a piece of cheese etc. I was raised in a family where sweet food were used as rewards/treats and it's a very hard habit to break I still have to thought the urge as an adult. Get rid of the chocolate ready brek, crisps etc, no fuss they've just run out and you have x instead. You might not have a dining table yet but you can switch the TV off and eat together. People often remark how well DS eats and the variety of foods he enjoys, it's only what he's used to.

I agree. I had the same thing in my family growing up re treats being food-based and eating lots of rubbish, it's a very hard thought pattern to break out of and I don't want that struggle for my children.

My SC will eat barely any meals outside of nuggets, waffles/chips and beans and I don't want to replicate that.

YABU. Try giving her her main meal at lunchtime and a sandwich at dinnertime. She may be too tired to eat much. Or could she be teething? DS2 only wanted cold, hard food when he was teething.

@Neotraditional

I can’t believe you are serious, that poor little girl. She is far too young to understand why you are refusing to feed her what she will eat.

Can people at least read the OPs post before making comments like this. It’s tiresome and unhelpful. I’m not sure how many more times Op needs to clarify this was advice she was given by other people and she was never planning on doing so, she was asking for advice around fussy eating as she is struggling, why the twatwaffles think it’s necessary to keep piling on with no actual real input other than to berate op baffles me.

Re: not offering different foods.

How do we know if they have a sore throat or some other pain related reason for not wanting that particular item of food?

It’s hard to tell when they’re so tiny they can’t communicate that (our DS is 1), there have been times he refuses what we put in front of him and then I offer some fruit which if also gets refused we’ve even resorted to yoghurt and nut butter combo. Each time it turned out he had a sore throat which we didn’t realise at the time. It doesn’t mean he always wants the yoghurt and nut butter combo every meal though he usually smashes his food and more 😂.

I would be heart broken if I just gave up and didn’t offer anything else and he’s actually sat there in pain but can’t communicate that.

Am I creating a monster?

@FTEngineerM

Re: not offering different foods.

How do we know if they have a sore throat or some other pain related reason for not wanting that particular item of food?

It’s hard to tell when they’re so tiny they can’t communicate that (our DS is 1), there have been times he refuses what we put in front of him and then I offer some fruit which if also gets refused we’ve even resorted to yoghurt and nut butter combo. Each time it turned out he had a sore throat which we didn’t realise at the time. It doesn’t mean he always wants the yoghurt and nut butter combo every meal though he usually smashes his food and more 😂.

I would be heart broken if I just gave up and didn’t offer anything else and he’s actually sat there in pain but can’t communicate that.

Am I creating a monster?

I guess it depends what the different foods are...in OP's case, she's offering soft cottage pie so shouldn't cause any pain really. It may be that her baby prefers to feed herself though and maybe that's why she likes toast, baby crisps etc.

YABU, but try to offer a food she'll definitely eat with foods you'd like her to eat! I've had friends who had to stop buying baby crisps and biscuits, not sure if that's an option for you.

@Bibidy

DS once ate a bowl of soup with his hands at a year old. Babies can usually make anything into a finger food

@FTEngineerM

I think it depends on how often it's happening. If it's out of character for your child to decline what you've given them and want something else then you probably know something else is at play, maybe they're a bit unwell and just can't face it, sore throat, teething or whatnot. If it is happening frequently or consistently though over a period of time you can be pretty sure it isn't a sore throat each time. Follow your instincts though imo, you usually know when your child is poorly and then all bets are off in our house, he can eat whatever he likes pretty much.

I tend to give different textures with each meal. Something with some bite to it, something soft that doesn't require chewing. Not deliberately, just seems to be how our meals are constructed!

Mumsnet is funny. I personallyagree you shouldn't leave her hungry, but equally I saw a thread on here recently bemoaning snack culture and everyone saying that it's ridiculous people don't let their children experience hunger anymore

We go through this with our 15 month old when he’s teething. I try to offer a variety of things just to make sure he’s eaten somethings. Sometime his meal will be crisps toast and a yogurt. I know it’s incredibly frustrating but keep offering little things

Dont give yourself a hard time for feeling like this, because it is hard. But don't put her to bed hungry because it just won't work, she's too little to make the connection and learn the lesson you're trying to teach her.

You need to find a way out of this becoming a battle of wills otherwise that will continue for ever. Offer her lots of little bits, at least one of which you know she'll eat, even if she doesn't touch the rest. Keep offering. We also have pudding every day, which was some full fat live Greek yogurt with oats and fruit (pretty nutritious even if that's all he ate that meal time). Over time she'll be used to being offered new things and won't begrudge trying them, even if she decides she doesn't like them. Because she has some degree of choice. I also think offering this variety on one ate, rather than popping g back to the kitchen for what you know she might eat, gets over the refusing what you've given her until you give her something better thing.

Don't make it a battle, or you're setting yourself up for a whole heap of hassle.

She’s 1. Give her some yogurt or scrambled egg before bed , protein to fill her up. I’m surprised she’s not up in the middle of the night 😭. It’s just a phase, she’ll grow out of it. Once she starts nursery the fussy eating tends to stop - peer

I'm not sure that not issuing a toast-based supper to a child who didn't eat their dinner - even if they're only 1 - is a terrible thing to do. I don't think supper was even a thing that featured in my childhood - there wasn't a meal just in case you get hungry served just before bed at any point.

If my baby (nearly 1) doesn't eat his dinner, I assume that he's not interested or hungry. I don't go about seeking out something he will eat instead, or fear he'll starve if I don't find something he'll eat for supper later.

He eats more of less of his meals depending on such a range of things. If he refuses everything, he's probably not hungry.

After a certain point, it is possible to tell that they're waiting for the toast supper instead or whatever. I'm not convinced encouraging this is a brilliant thing to do. And, frankly, I don't need to add another bloody meal time to a small child's day.

Nor do I give loads of praise for eating some dinner. I just go with a relaxed meal, maybe talk about how nice the food is as I eat with him, and let him get on with eating it. Or not.

He's the youngest of 3, so I do know that toddlers will just refuse food because ... well because.

I would say if she was about 3-4 then I W

If she was about 3-4 years old then I would agree with that method.

But as she is only 1, I would just give her a bottle if she won't eat. Even if she will only eat her snacks, I would just give in. She's way too young to understand any of it.

@SmallPrawnEnergy I couldn’t care less what her updates are. Anyone with sense knows it’s wrong and shouldn’t be considered.

And WTF is a twatwaffle? Never ceases to amaze me the people who post crap like that on here who would be far too much of a coward to say it someone’s face.

Yep. I'm not claiming to be an expert in food and kids, nor do I have any real experience barring one toddler who for all I know would be a good eater whatever I do (and might turn into a picky one later on regardless of my intentions!). But it seems like such an obvious concept, backed by so many dieticians. The health visitors in my area literally advise parents to take this approach and steer them away from the 'keep offering different things until they eat at least something' idea. It's pretty obvious how counterproductive that would end up being.

Exactly. My toddler is slightly older than OP’s (but not much, he’s coming up to two) and we take this approach - offer a meal, trying to include something we know he likes, and he then decides whether and how much to eat. We don’t make anything else (unless he’s ill). Some days he’ll clean the plate, some days he’ll have a few bites. But I’m not a short order chef.

Plus adult appetite varies so much. Some days I don’t feel like eating a whole plate of dinner so I don’t. And I don’t see why we shouldn’t respect the fact that a child’s appetite may vary too. In fact I think it’s a good thing to encourage them to listen to their bodies.

But as she is only 1, I would just give her a bottle if she won't eat.

That’s what OP does, she says in her OP her daughter has a bottle before bed.

When my toddler didn't fancy his meal I would just give him extra milk at bed time. I would normally offer him a meal and if it was something he hadn't tried before and genuinely didn't seem to like k would then give something I knew had be fine before. If he still didn't eat I would just give more Emily at bed time if required. Sometimes hot weather and teething affect eating.