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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Abiu To put 1 year old to bed hungry?

194 replies

Pops042020 · 29/06/2021 15:45

Abiu to put my 1 year old to bed hungry if she doesn't eat the meal I make, this last week she has decided she doesn't want to eat anything I give her on a spoon she doesn't even look at it or smell it and definitely doesn't try it, it's just straight away shaking had and crying she's hungry because she takes her dummy out then cries. This last week Ive given in and made her toast before bed and I feel like shes just waiting for the toast.
Would I be unreasonable to just not offer her anything else but the meal I'm making tonight (cottage pie) and if she doesn't eat it then she goes to bed hungry with her bottle of milk?

OP posts:
Sleeplessem · 29/06/2021 16:54

@Missingtheedge

Always serve up something you know she will definitely eat alongside a meal, such as a piece of the toast that you mentioned.

Don’t turn mealtimes into a battle, if she hasn’t eaten anything within 20-30 mins remove the meal. My DS started becoming fussy at 14 months and it’s so frustrating.

I’d also get rid of the snack food cupboard or hide the snacks elsewhere where she can’t see them. Snow her that there is none left when she points at it and offer alternatives like fruit or yoghurt etc.

Brilliant advice! X
MyMabel · 29/06/2021 16:56

I found my little girl was like this when she had tonsillitis, she was hungry but obviously it was sore to eat so she didn’t really want to. She was essentially stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Juststopasking · 29/06/2021 16:56

No you can't send your tiny child to bed hungry for gods sake.

Bancha · 29/06/2021 16:59

Oh @Pops042020 I feel bad now I’ve read your posts. Sorry, I hadn’t RTFT. My fault.

Honestly it sounds like you’re doing really well. It’s hard when they refuse food, but I think it’s not worth a battle. When has anyone forcing you to eat something made you enjoy it? Just keep offering new foods alongside tried and tested favourites, and she’ll be less fussy soon enough. Or she won’t, and she’ll grow up and it won’t be your problem anymore!

Pops042020 · 29/06/2021 17:03

It wasn't meant as a punishment more do I give her what she wants so she learns there isn't an alternative not you've not eaten your tea so off to bed early with no food

OP posts:
Sleeplessem · 29/06/2021 17:06

@Juststopasking

No you can't send your tiny child to bed hungry for gods sake.
Bad advice, OP has said it’s not as a punishment, and as the child has had options to eat throughout the day she’s not hungry. Pressure or dragging out meals times or option after option will make any refusal worse
3Britnee · 29/06/2021 17:07

@Pops042020

Abiu to put my 1 year old to bed hungry if she doesn't eat the meal I make, this last week she has decided she doesn't want to eat anything I give her on a spoon she doesn't even look at it or smell it and definitely doesn't try it, it's just straight away shaking had and crying she's hungry because she takes her dummy out then cries. This last week Ive given in and made her toast before bed and I feel like shes just waiting for the toast. Would I be unreasonable to just not offer her anything else but the meal I'm making tonight (cottage pie) and if she doesn't eat it then she goes to bed hungry with her bottle of milk?
I think 1yo is too young for this. Once they are old enough to understand eat it or go without, and they make that choice, fair enough, but not at 1 Shock Just give her toast for her dinner and hope it passes. Pick your battles.
Onlyfoolsandfathers · 29/06/2021 17:11

This thread is a good demonstration of how so many fussy eaters are made.

You need more than one option that you're happy with, that isn't toast.

No you not need to make her toast.

Keep offering the options you have settled on that are nutritious.

Onlyfoolsandfathers · 29/06/2021 17:13

Caveat

If she's sick, feed her whatever she'll eat.

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/06/2021 17:27

I’d get rid of the snack cupboard too. It’s pointless processed calories that set kids up for a lifetime of poor food decisions. Babies live the life they don’t need treats.

TheSmallAssassin · 29/06/2021 17:29

Does she eat any meals with you? We did eat a bit earlier in the evening when our kids were tiny so we could all eat together. My youngest especially wanted to be sat at the table with us. Agree with others though it's not worth a fight, but would go with boring food like Weetabix or buttered toast if you are offering an alternative. Maybe don't buy the biscotti or crisps for a bit and tell her they're "All gone!"

Horehound · 29/06/2021 17:30

Ffs

Darbs76 · 29/06/2021 17:31

At 5 that’s acceptable, at 1 it’s just cruel

CupOfTPlease · 29/06/2021 17:32

Jeez, she's 15 months! Those people you asked are dicks.

No way would I send a child to bed hungry let alone a baby.

I'd rather them eat a biscuit then nothing at all.

mistermagpie · 29/06/2021 17:33

These threads always make me smile (in a kind of 'been there!' way), I have three kids aged 5 and under and two of them have been very fussy eaters.

Babies don't look at you getting all stressed at dinner time and go 'oh look mummy spent ages on that cottage pie, I suppose I should try some', they don't give a shit. They equally don't refuse the cottage pie to be naughty or piss you off.

Give her the pie, give her the toast as well, she'll eat what she wants to eat. Don't stress about it and know that most kids grow out of it.

4PawsGood · 29/06/2021 17:34

Maybe by dinner time she’s exhausted. How about trying to get the more challenging foods in through the day and give up on dinner. Try cream cheese, hummus or cheese on toast.
I’d also get rid of the baby biscuits and crisps. Make all her snacks nutritious.

Schrutesbeets · 29/06/2021 17:34

Let her eat toast you snide.

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/06/2021 17:35

It’s a bit mean to pile up on op, she’s got rl influences telling her to do this. People who she trusts.

She’s had the sense to double check it because it obviously didn’t sit right with her.

SemiFeralDalek · 29/06/2021 17:38

YABU. She's not trying to be manipulative or naughty, they don't even understand the concept of that till they're about 3.

She's just not hungry when you're giving her tea, maybe try giving it to her a bit later on?

Like other have said, she may be teething or ill etc. Her little tummy is still tiny. And if she's going to bed hungry surely she'll just wake more frequently/earlier for her next feed?

cricketmum84 · 29/06/2021 17:40

At a year old I think YABU. Sending her to bed hungry is a punishment. She isn't actively refusing the food to be naughty!

Just give the poor thing what she will eat and stop trying to discipline so early. Maybe she is teething or feeling unwell so doesn't want the food you are offering. Maybe she just likes the texture of toast.

Don't start turning it into a battle already.

Freefalling22 · 29/06/2021 17:42

OP, some of the replies on here are harsh. Please don't think you're a bad mum. Actually, you sound like a lovely mum who just wants her child to be well fed and nourished, but you do seem somewhat stressed/overwhelmed.

I will agree with the other replies that she's far, far too young for this.

Take all pressure off mealtimes. Trust your child knows her own appetite. She could be coming down with something, not hungry, teething, tired, just doesn't fancy what you've made...the list is endless.

As long as she's growing and developing well, just go with the flow. Offer toast alongside what you're making (safe food with new food). Look at 'division of responsibility. Don't encourage, coerce, bribe, praise, scold etc at mealtimes. Don't mention healthy Vs unhealthy foods. Just offer food, tell her what it is and sit with her as often as possible. Talk about your day etc, ask her if she's done then clear away. Offer pudding/fruit/yoghurt.

It's stressful I know, when you've cooked a meal but do simple meals occasionally (cheese and crackers with fruit or whatever).

If it helps, I have one child who's a bottomless pit but limited diet (autistic) and another who eats a variety but somedays eats like a sparrow and other days, has loads (her favourite foods are eggs, broccoli and chocolate!). Both are growing well.

bizzey · 29/06/2021 17:42

Why ?? ..just why ?

AliceW89 · 29/06/2021 17:46

There is a large difference between sending her to bed hungry and giving her baby biscuits and crisps! Turn the TV off and offer her finger food, something easy she’ll try - toast, cheese, crackers, avocado, banana, strawberries, carrot and dip…the list goes on. She is far to young to understand that food refusal = the unpleasant sensation of being hungry all night!

Theunamedcat · 29/06/2021 17:49

Just give her toast for tea

TheChosenTwo · 29/06/2021 17:50

I understood that you weren’t really going to send her to bed hungry just to prove a point, I think I’ve been at that breaking point over the years with mine too OP, it’s just so frustrating.
Never have I sent mine to bed on an empty tummy but my god it’s frustrating at times.
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