Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Abiu To put 1 year old to bed hungry?

194 replies

Pops042020 · 29/06/2021 15:45

Abiu to put my 1 year old to bed hungry if she doesn't eat the meal I make, this last week she has decided she doesn't want to eat anything I give her on a spoon she doesn't even look at it or smell it and definitely doesn't try it, it's just straight away shaking had and crying she's hungry because she takes her dummy out then cries. This last week Ive given in and made her toast before bed and I feel like shes just waiting for the toast.
Would I be unreasonable to just not offer her anything else but the meal I'm making tonight (cottage pie) and if she doesn't eat it then she goes to bed hungry with her bottle of milk?

OP posts:
DinkyDiggies · 29/06/2021 17:51

She’s one. You’re being cruel.
Very little children don’t eat like adults. They need very small portions very frequently.
You should plan for providing supper.
At that age, I’d do offer breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, tea and supper.

Justgettingbye · 29/06/2021 17:58

My pre schoolers basically lived on toast crackers bananas and yoghurts and in the end I stopped caring. They're much better at trying things now so I wouldn't worry

CandyLeBonBon · 29/06/2021 18:04

@Pops042020

It wasn't meant as a punishment more do I give her what she wants so she learns there isn't an alternative not you've not eaten your tea so off to bed early with no food
She'll get there op. It's a tough gig. I remember feeling the same!
Jent13c · 29/06/2021 18:07

If toast is what she eats just now that's great. You can do toast with avocado, toast with hummus, toast with tuna, toast and cheese. Most likely she will pick all the toppings off and drive you mad buy she will get there eventually.

If you mean she won't accept anything spoon fed thats absolutely developmentally normal at that stage. She's telling you she wants to do it herself. Give her a spoon and enjoy the mess on your carpet. At that stage I most often just had a little pile of chopped up veggies in the fridge and added them to whatever we were having. My friends DS with severe reflux was surviving purely on yoghurt and breastmilk at that age and now he's a strapping young 4 year old. Also kids do weird things at childcare providers...theres a peer pressure for them and they want to be like the other kids.

I would take the pressure off, she doesn't have the communication yet to say "mummy I'm actually full from lunch" so it could literally be anything. If mine didn't eat tea I didn't do them an alternative but always made sure they have a little weetabix supper just before bed.

Kokosrieksts · 29/06/2021 18:08

She is 1 year old. Give your head a little wobble. It’s not like she’s a fussy teenager.

whattodo2019 · 29/06/2021 18:09

can you give her sensible food options that are acceptable to you and your DD?

Rosesareyellow · 29/06/2021 18:17

She won’t make any connection between the meal she refused and the toast you offer later. Kids go through fussy stages of liking/not liking/liking things again, you just have to go with it. Keep offering but don’t make a big fuss if it’s not eaten.

Heronwatcher · 29/06/2021 18:19

YABU! It will only make her wake up anyway. Some babies won’t eat off a spoon full stop. Look into baby led weaning- I would try cottage pie on the toast! Please don’t make mealtimes a battle, you won’t win!

Mamof1NE · 29/06/2021 18:20

1 is so very young, they don't understand at all at that age. Give the toast, fruit, Porridge, cereal, whatever! Worry about 'rules' when they're 3! Eek.

strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious · 29/06/2021 18:20

I found the more keen I was for DD to eat, the less likely she was to eat. Like she could sense it.

Try moving her main meal to lunch time and doing her "something on toast" for dinner, just to mix things up a bit. That's worked really well for us.

I also do picky plates full of things I know she'll eat and things I'd like her to try too. Just to expose her to new things but ensure she'll eat something and it's not a battle.

There's a great supernanny episode about food issues from the new remake on C4, which might help 😊

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 29/06/2021 18:22

She's far too little for that kind of discipline. She doesn't understand yet. If she was 5 I'd say you have a point but at one she can't connect the two things.

strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious · 29/06/2021 18:22

The other thing you can do is whisk her away, do your bath/bed routine and THEN give some toast and/or a yogurt. So she's not going hungry but it breaks the association/"holding out".

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/06/2021 18:22

At that age I used to put a mix of everything on a little plate with separate spaces on it.

A scoop of cottage pie in one, a florets of broccoli in the other, couple of cheese cubes and halves grapes in another, few chocolate raisins in the other.

Then they could have what they wanted and it didnt feel like "endure this now and get a treat later"

Heronwatcher · 29/06/2021 18:24

Oh and perhaps think about who you ask for advice- older people tend to be very quick to offer quasi- Victorian advice, but if you ask them or their kids they rarely did it themselves! I used a 2 strikes approach- 2 strikes of crap advice and I won’t ask again. Unsolicited advice should always be viewed with extreme scepticism.

Fernando072020 · 29/06/2021 18:26

Wow. My son is 1 and I wouldn't put him to bed hungry. How awful. They don't understand at this age...

insancerre · 29/06/2021 18:27

I would say it’s neglect and not meeting basic needs to send a baby to bed hungry

Sleeplessem · 29/06/2021 18:28

@insancerre

I would say it’s neglect and not meeting basic needs to send a baby to bed hungry
What an awful thing to say.
thenonsensepotter · 29/06/2021 18:29

I think some of the posters here are, as always on mumsnet, being unnecessarily guilt-trippy.

OP do you know for sure she is actually hungry once you've put her down? My 1yo eats very little sometimes, a few mouthfuls and she refuses anymore. I offer pudding, sometimes she eats it all sometimes refuses altogether. She has tea right before bed so it's tea, maybe 20 minutes playing and then bed with a bottle. So it depends on the gap before the meal and bedtime. If its a good few hours I'd say offer a snack. But at this age a portion is literally the size of their palm, they don't need to be eating a whole plate of food.

Lockheart · 29/06/2021 18:30

@insancerre

I would say it’s neglect and not meeting basic needs to send a baby to bed hungry
Don't be daft. It's not neglect to offer a child food and the child doesn't eat it.
Stitch9191 · 29/06/2021 18:34

My little boy is the same age and we're going through exactly the same thing. He lost his appetite with a virus about a month ago and just hasn't seemed to pick it back up ... I know how you feel! Over the last three days I've tried giving him some more choice on his dinner plate and put some fruit on at the same time as the rest of the food and he has ate much better. So for his lunch he had cucumber sticks, Philadelphia on toast, some baby crisps and raspberries. Think it must be that I'm giving him more control over what he eats and also means I'm not giving him something as a 'substitute' so he doesn't think he can refuse something and get toast. I'm not sure whether they can figure that out at this age but I'm reluctant to believe that he isn't able to figure out crying at dinner time = toast. Hope things improve for you xxx

Claphands · 29/06/2021 18:40

It’s probably just a phase, it’s all just phases at that age, just give her something on toast instead of trying to a perfect nutritional meal.

EleanorOlephantisjustfine · 29/06/2021 18:40

This is cruel and neglectful. She’s a baby. Please don’t do this. She won’t sleep because she’ll be hungry and you’ll have a long night with her.

Hopeislost · 29/06/2021 18:41

My DD is 2 and she wouldn't eat cottage pie. She would eat it's component parts though. Can you offer deconstructed meals (eg meat, mash, peas, carrots) to see if she will eat any of the bits separately?

Use627 · 29/06/2021 18:45

It's bad you have to ask tbf. She could be teething, just not fancy what you made, genuinely not like it. Feed your growing baby!