To make him clean it up

[justawrinkleintime]

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

Well
Bloody
Done!!

Good on you, his future partners, work mates and housemates will thank you. I’m appalled she’s condoning it and thinks it’s acceptable for him to piss everywhere GRIM

The mother should be embarrassed. I'd have text apologising!

@Yesyoucantell I agree. I wouldn’t have humiliated the child but a word with his dm, or preferably his df, would have been appropriate.

I think you’ve overstepped the mark, parenting a dc that isn’t your own, and been a poor host.

But, having once had to have a similar discussion with male colleagues who were twice his age, I respect your contribution to society!

I would just clean it up, and not make an issue about it..I have never bought any anti bac, or those wipes things, just use a cloth of some kind. It all takes a minute, and shouldn't prey on your mind.

@UhtredRagnarson

I can’t imagine having any other response to my child telling me “ben’s mum made me clean up my pee on the toilet” than “well who did you expect to clean YOUR pee?”

This 100%

Op, I think I’d have cleaned it up and then before people were leaving I’d say something along the lines of kids, if you’re going to use the loo whilst here can you please make sure you clean up in spills after you - there’s spray and wipes beside the loo for when you need them.

*Ok, I'm going to go against the mob and say YABU.

It's not your job to parent him, you should have had a word with his parents and asked them to sort it out.*

If he is in her house, does that mean she doesn't correct him on any poor behaviour while there? Her house, her rules.

I would not at that age - he's likely to go to school and tell everyone and she is likely to tell mutual mum friends - your son won't thank you and other kids will feel nervous about going to your loo!
Its great your kids learnt to do it at 5 but at 5 I wasn't going to be letting my children use household chemicals.

I’ve heard it all now, if you don’t clean up another child’s pee you’re a bad host?!

I mean yes if a child vomits everywhere you clean it up and make soothing noises but if you think at 9 years old I’m cleaning up another child’s pee you’re sadly mistaken.

We had to do the exact same with dd’s boyfriend (he was 21!). I got so fed up with it!

You did the right thing op!

@LegoCaltrops

Honestly, I think if the mother of a friend pf my DD's had texted me & told me that they were appalled that I'd made them clean up their own wee, I'd probably reply that I was appalled that I'd had to. And point out that the bathroom had been cleaned literally minutes before.

Best reply so far!

YANBU! He’s old enough to know better and if it were my child, I’d be more than happy for someone to tell him to clean it up if he left the toilet in a state.

@Yesyoucantell

Ok, I'm going to go against the mob and say YABU.

It's not your job to parent him, you should have had a word with his parents and asked them to sort it out.

How embarrassing for the poor child.

He's just a little boy not a grown man.

Of course he needs to learn but it's not down to you.

Just think how you made that poor boy feel.

But we can tell from his mum's attitude that she doesn't think this matters. So she clearly hasn't taught him properly about toilet hygiene, and someone has to.

YWNBU OP.

YANBU. My nephew used to do this at my house and it was so grim.

YANBU. If that was my son I would've thanked you!

Its great your kids learnt to do it at 5 but at 5 I wasn't going to be letting my children use household chemicals.

I doubt the OP gave him a HazMat suit and bleach.

Well done Op. This boy is obviously being brought as Another entitled male in the making who thinks it's the wimmins' job to clear up their piss and shit, well not in your home.

YABU

Not your job to parent him or teach him how this stuff works. And I can imagine how badly something like this plays back to his parent.

I would have cleared it up and raised it with his parent.

You don’t have to put up with it but you do have to address it via his parent.

At approximately the same age, probably 10, one of my older son's friends did this a good decade ago.
He had a lovely mum, but he definitely was a bit spoiled.
He came into the house and went straight for the loo and I was walking past as he came out.
I checked it, pee all over the floor and seat.
I was so annoyed as it was so was respectful.
I called him back in and asked him could he see the mess.
He was embarrassed.
I said "James, we don't leave a mess like that in this house. What about the next person who needs the loo. Don't leave a mess like that again in my house"
I cleaned it up, and it never happened again.

I was not impressed.
Neither of my boys ever hosed the loo at 3 not to 9.
It strikes me as bratty but I suppose you do better when you know better.

Woo hoo! Well done op. Your reply to her was perfect.

You don’t have to put up with it but you do have to address it via his parent.

Turns out the parent doesn’t think he has to clean up after himself.
What next?

I didn't show my annoyance, but I was firmly matter of fact in my manner.

YABVU

He's not your child to parent and you handled it in the most embarrassing way possible. Poor kid.

He might not be able to help it. It's not uncommon for boys of that age to not be able to retract their foreskin yet, which can cause issues with urination. Whatever the reason, it's not his fault his parents haven't taught him how to deal with it.

You should have spoken to his parents first so they could deal with it.

You could also have dealt with it in a much kinder way. Personally, I would have dealt with it this time but then gone in to the DC and said something along the lines of "I've just remembered that I forgot to tell you where we keep the anti bac for cleaning any mess after we've been to the loo, let me show you" then given him a demonstration.

I'm surprised she has the cheek to say this to you and that she's not embarrassed.

You did the right thing. What are these parents thinking letting their 9 year old piss allover the seat!?