Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him clean it up

470 replies

justawrinkleintime · 29/06/2021 13:24

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

OP posts:
PhillipPhillop · 29/06/2021 15:00

Can't believe there are posters saying YABU. They obviously don't give a toss that a female needs to clean it up to be able to use the toilet. And as for the 'embarrassment', it's not child abuse! Jeez. Hopefully it will make the child realise it's disgusting.

DrManhattan · 29/06/2021 15:00

Good work

KatharinaRosalie · 29/06/2021 15:03

How do people who say it isn't anybody else's place to parent another child imagine this should work? 'Hello, this is your son's friend's mum. Could you please come over and tell him to clean up his piss and stop kicking our dog?'

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 29/06/2021 15:04

How do people who say it isn't anybody else's place to parent another child imagine this should work? 'Hello, this is your son's friend's mum. Could you please come over and tell him to clean up his piss and stop kicking our dog?'

Quite. Maybe it's not his place to piss in her loo then? (Or on the floor/toilet seat, as it happened)

BlueJag · 29/06/2021 15:04

I'll be embarrassed that you had to tell him to clean HIS mess. If she thinks it's ok for you to clean it that is shocking.
Say that you'll expect her to do the same as it's not correct to clean urine from a 9 year old.
I'll be shocked to be challenged.

Drovememad · 29/06/2021 15:04

@user163769379 if you'd have given me earful. You'd get one right back telling you how to teach your child some basic hygiene skills!

You'd also be told that your dirty child was no longer welcome as a guest in my home.

Not until he had the ability to go to the toilet without having someone clear up after him.

Who the fuck wants guests like that?

ginghamtablecloths · 29/06/2021 15:05

No you aren't BU and it's a valuable lesson learned.

muddyford · 29/06/2021 15:05

Well done you. We had a tall friend that thought it was OK to shake it over the floor after peeing. After each visit I went in there with the wipes. Hopefully you'll stop the boy from being like him.

frigglerock · 29/06/2021 15:05

I'd probably have explained the situation and finished by saying that if he's unable to either use the toilet without leaving it in a mess or clean up after himself, he's no longer welcome to visit. That's disgusting!

Even if her son gave her an inaccurate version of events, she was unreasonable to assume that he told her the truth and jump on you without at least asking what happened.

magicstar1 · 29/06/2021 15:06

Well done OP. I remember babysitting as a 15 year old and the 3 year old child took a cheese sandwich and stamped it into the carpet while staring me in the eye. I handed him a dustpan and brush and made him clean it all up. I've also told grown men to clean up their wee if they miss the toilet. Why should we put up with it?

aloris · 29/06/2021 15:08

I would say that, by age 9, even quite careless boys have control of this function, unless there is something else going on. FYI there is a condition that can cause this which is treatable. A piece of skin partially over the opening that can be fixed in a quick outpatient procedure at a pediatric urologist's office. There are also other possible causes (so I'm told). You might suggest to the other mum that she can see his doctor to see if this is an underlying cause. She'll thank you if she can save herself from another 15 years of gross cleanup.

cauliflowerkorma · 29/06/2021 15:08

They have a culprit at my kids primary. And its got so vile that when you go to the loo you have to sign a toilet sheet. And them when they check them they know who has been in and can identify/narrow down to the culprit.

The children are being taught its not about blame but about manners and hygiene and creating a nice shared environment.

So i think you were teaching the right thing.

cauliflowerkorma · 29/06/2021 15:09

You were also treating him the same as your own boys.

And isnt it the rule among mums-when its your house its your rules!

chesirecat99 · 29/06/2021 15:10

@TheSunShinesBrighter

Personally, I would have dealt with it this time but then gone in to the DC and said something along the lines of "I've just remembered that I forgot to tell you where we keep the anti bac for cleaning any mess after we've been to the loo, let me show you" then given him a demonstration.

You think that is less embarrassing chesire?
Ushering a DS and his friend into the loo so that they can stand round watching you demonstrate wiping wee up?! 🤣

I would have gone into the room and said ‘I’ve just cleaned the loo and someone has made a mess. Whoever used it just now needs to sort it out. I’ve left wipes by the toilet’ and leave.

I meant let me show you as in show you where we keep it! Grin Then framed it as me finishing off cleaning the bathroom. I would have wiped up the wee first.

They probably would have laughed at me for being a weird mother but not the poor boy.

I would probably have used your tactic in different circumstances but as he was the only one who had been to the loo it would have been a bit obvious who was the culprit.

FijiCavanaugh · 29/06/2021 15:11

@user163769379

What a horrid horrid thing to do - humiliating a 9 yr old like that! If you'd handled it well/sensitively he wouldn't have felt humiliated and felt the need to tell him mum about it.

I'm surprised all you got was an angry text from his mum. If you'd done that to my son you would have got a right earful.

By all means you can make him clean it up, but do it sensitively! Totally shameful, disgusting way to treat a guest.

What on earth could OP have said to make him clean it up which was more sensitive than what she did say?
MilduraS · 29/06/2021 15:14

If it were my 9 year old I'd be mortified and completely fine with what you did.

Bibidy · 29/06/2021 15:20

I do think it probably embarrassed him but unless you're willing to keep cleaning up after him there wasn't really much other choice. He won't do it again now, at least, which is better for him.

BarbarianMum · 29/06/2021 15:22

@FijiCavanaugh what was insensitive a out what the OP said? How should she have phrased it?

Lulola · 29/06/2021 15:22

I’m glad to have read this! My step daughter is 10 and I call her back to the bathroom when she leaves the seat and floor a mess and my partner told me it is harsh because she’s a child. I didn’t think it was! Although it’s made little difference to my life because I explained that if she wasn’t old enough to deal with it then he would have to.

Peach1886 · 29/06/2021 15:25

OK, new regime for DS 6 starts tomorrow!

Most of the time he can aim just fine, but sometimes he loses concentration, he even turned round mid-wee to talk to DH last week Grin...with predictable results...

I've been wondering how best to deal with this and now I know, thank you @justawrinkleintime!

quizqueen · 29/06/2021 15:28

He should have been taught to lift the seat anyway so no wee goes on it. I would have told her it's bad parenting to not instil good toilet manners into children and always good manners to clear up your own mess.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 29/06/2021 15:30

I'm not sure what's more disgusting, people thinking its ok for a child (who is MUCH too old to be doing so) to leave urine all over the floor or people STILL using disposable wipes Envy

bigbluecup · 29/06/2021 15:31

Even my 3 year old knows to mop up any mess (sadly a bit young for a bottle of flash...) but if children are taught to clean up from the start it will never be new. A 9 year old should definitely be aware of mess he’s left behind and I’d be horrified if I found out my son had done that at someone else’s house.

My guess is either the mother is pandering to his ridiculously, or he’s told her a few porkies about what actually happened.

Well done for asking him to clean up. Hopefully he’ll be a better house guest in future.

sillysmiles · 29/06/2021 15:35

To all the people who think the OP should have brought it up with the boys mother - do you never correct your kids friends when they are in your house?

Redjumper1 · 29/06/2021 15:37

The Mother who messaged you is the same Mother who is the MIL of nightmares. It's the mindset. YANBU op.

Swipe left for the next trending thread