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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him clean it up

470 replies

justawrinkleintime · 29/06/2021 13:24

I probably was but it was pissing me off.

I have three sons and all have been trained that when you’re peeing you aim for the toilet and if you miss them you clean it up. I leave an antibac spray next to the loo and since the age of about 5ish they’ve been taught to spray the antibac and on their own mess and wipe it up. Tbh it stopped them making a mess pretty quickly.

Anyway, my DS9’s friend is over a lot and pisses all over the loo and often the floor as well. I put it down to being in a rush and wanting to get back to playing etc.

I’d cleaned the bathroom this morning and ds’s friend proceeded to piss all over the toilet seat and on the floor. Literally minutes after I’d cleaned it - he was the first one to use it post cleaning.

I took him in and gave him the antibac and told him to wipe it up and clean it himself. He’s also 9 as well btw.

I was nice about it and said we don’t leave the toilet in that state in this house when we use it.

He went home about 15 min ago and his mum messaged me to say she’s appalled I made him clean it.

I’ve responded politely to say “it’s a shame you’re upset but I’m not cleaning up urine of someone old enough to know how to use a toilet properly...”

I’ve been unreasonable, haven’t i?

OP posts:
OhRene · 29/06/2021 13:49

YANBU! I've told my son that his friend needs to run back home if he needs the toilet in future because I don't think he aims in the direction of the toilet at all. Disgusting piss EVERYWHERE! He's also 9. The second or third time it happened I sent him in to clean it up, to flush the toilet and to wash his hands.

Fuck knows what some of these kid's houses are like.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 29/06/2021 13:50

YANBU

I agree with you.

However i do imagine the child has gone home and told him mum an overdramatic version of events. ''XX forced me to clean her bathroom''

Imasoulman · 29/06/2021 13:50

[quote LagunaBubbles]@Imasoulman

Shouldn't they all be in school

Here we go again, someone else who doesn't realise or care the world doesn't revolve around the English school holidays, as here in Scotland we've broken up.[/quote]

My question has been answered several times thank you. So really no need for a rude answer.

No I hadn't thought about different holiday times, does that make you feel better ?

Chloemol · 29/06/2021 13:51

@Yesyoucantell

He’s 9, more than old enough to use the toilet properly, and it’s obvious his parents are not teaching him properly if at 9 he still pisses everywhere

RubyGoat · 29/06/2021 13:53

Honestly, I think if the mother of a friend pf my DD's had texted me & told me that they were appalled that I'd made them clean up their own wee, I'd probably reply that I was appalled that I'd had to. And point out that the bathroom had been cleaned literally minutes before.

skodadoda · 29/06/2021 13:54

@LookItsMeAgain

Nope - not unreasonable in the slightest. The mother who texted you saying she was appalled you made her son clean up his own piss...that's a whole other story... Why wasn't she appalled by her 9 year old pissing all over your toilet and bathroom floor??? Next time (and I think there will be a next time) - text her to come around and clean up after her son as she didn't like it when you asked him to clean up his own mess, so she must like doing it.
Brilliant 😆
SleepingStandingUp · 29/06/2021 13:54

@Yesyoucantell

Ok, I'm going to go against the mob and say YABU.

It's not your job to parent him, you should have had a word with his parents and asked them to sort it out.

How embarrassing for the poor child.

He's just a little boy not a grown man.

Of course he needs to learn but it's not down to you.

Just think how you made that poor boy feel.

So should she have expected the parent to come round immediately and clean up or leave it there to dry for 2 hours until he was collected?

Hi Mary, Jake just peed all over the floor. No rush but when you get here at 6 can you clean it up please? I'll make sure my son's clean up any mess they make themselves so it'll just be Jake's wee left

Yesyoucantell · 29/06/2021 13:54

Really surprised at the glee and lack of empathy displayed towards a child here.

It's not the kid's fault it's his parents' for not teaching him properly.

Daphnise · 29/06/2021 13:57

You don't know what he told his mother!

Of course in your account YANBU.

In his it would likely be the opposite!

SleepingStandingUp · 29/06/2021 13:57

It isn't @yesyoucantell but given that all op got him to do is clean up HIS OWN mess, it's hardly damaged him has it.

Iggly · 29/06/2021 13:57

Well it depends how you said it and the tone you used to be honest.

In my own home, I do the same to my ds. But if his friends did that? I’d probably ignore it and make a general comment to his mum.

In her mind, she may not have appreciated how bad it was and that you made this kid clean up the toilet.

viques · 29/06/2021 13:58

Says a lot about how she has parented and been his house slave that he felt enraged enough to tell her! Most nine year olds would have felt so embarrassed if their friends mum had to ask them to clean up after themselves that they wouldn’t have said anything!

Well done OP, if nothing else it has made him realise that the bathroom clean up fairy is a kissing cousin to the fictional tooth fairy.

championthewonderhorse70 · 29/06/2021 13:58

My DD and DC have friends like this. Bloody annoying

Iggly · 29/06/2021 13:58

BUT I love your response to the mum.

What did she say back?!? 🍿

Yesyoucantell · 29/06/2021 13:59

@SleepingStandingUp

It isn't *@yesyoucantell* but given that all op got him to do is clean up HIS OWN mess, it's hardly damaged him has it.
He will have been humiliated.

He's just a kid.

Have a go at the parents not at him.

Ugh, I'm going to leave you all to your gloating now since you're clearly enjoying laying in to a child.

Dutch1e · 29/06/2021 13:59

If I were thinking clearly I'd probably have a quiet chat with mum or dad that their 9 yr old needs a bit of training on toilet hygiene. But I'm not very quick on my feet and would end up doing the same as you. I'm not sure how a friendly chat to say "this is how we like to handle things" is appalling.

NotSoLongGoodbye · 29/06/2021 14:02

I think it was a bit mean to be honest.

Tal45 · 29/06/2021 14:02

She's appalled?? You should have replied 'that's ok as I was also appalled when he pissed all over my bathroom and didn't clean it up'. If that had been my son I'd have been giving you a clap!

DeathStare · 29/06/2021 14:03

He will have been humiliated

Humiliated? By having to clean up his own mess? Poor delicate little soul Hmm THIS attitude is why so many men get away with doing jackshit, yet nobody considers whether its humiliating for a woman to have to clean up somebody else's piss

Didicat · 29/06/2021 14:03

If he has no aim he needs to sit! I don’t blame you I’d have sent them back in with a wipe too.

notanothertakeaway · 29/06/2021 14:04

I think YABU to humiliate a guest

I might have quietly said "Hey Joe, it's great to see you, next time you go the the toilet, please can you aim a bit more carefully, to keep the floor clean"

I wouldn't ask a guest to clean my bathroom

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 29/06/2021 14:05

It's not his fault his parents don't make him clean. Clearing up after your kids friends is part of the invite
I kind of agree with this. I’d possibly have raised it with the child first, along the lines of ‘there are wipes in the bathroom, please can you leave it as you find it’ but I wouldn’t have told him to clean the bathroom on the first challenge.

CustardySergeant · 29/06/2021 14:07

@AnotherDayAnotherCake

It's not his fault his parents don't make him clean. Clearing up after your kids friends is part of the invite I kind of agree with this. I’d possibly have raised it with the child first, along the lines of ‘there are wipes in the bathroom, please can you leave it as you find it’ but I wouldn’t have told him to clean the bathroom on the first challenge.
As long as they know not to flush the wipes.
tallduckandhandsome · 29/06/2021 14:09

He cleans it up or he is no longer welcome.

Well done!

tallduckandhandsome · 29/06/2021 14:10

@vivainsomnia

Asking him to clean is one thing, the way it sounds you've asked him isn't. He isn't your kid and it must have been very humiliating for him.

You didn't need to state 'in this house ....'. you could have just say that you'd noticed he'd left some urine and that you sure he clears it up at home and handed him wipes to clear up.

Personally I wouldn't have said anything. It's not his fault his parents don't make him clean. Clearing up after your kids friends is part of the invite.

There’s always one martyr.