AIBU to expect an apology?

[SpeedRunParent]

DC 12 goes to a naice grammar in Kent. One boy in her year group has physically assaulted her twice ( with witnesses) and has called her a slut; reiterating that slur after the second incident.
The first time he put his hands around her neck and squeezed, leaving her shocked and breathless, because someone ( not my dc) had annoyed him somehow. This is the occasion on which he called her a slut. (Not that it makes any difference but my dc loathes all the 'he fancies you', this one loves the other nonsense).
On the second occasion, same boy ( part of her wider social group) had an umbrella taken from him by two other group members and it sounds like the umbrella was damaged. My DC absolutely did not have anything to do with this either ( the school has assured me of that). This time the boy slaps one girl in the face, throttles a boy and punches my DC hard in the gut - resulting in her needing to go to the med. centre.
The only sanction this boy has received has been days isolating during lessons.
AIBU to have expected that my daughter receive an apology from this child? If a person does not acknowledge their misdeeds and make amends, how is he going to learn not to repeat them?
P.S. there is no suggestion that this child has any SEN, all we know is that the mother says things like 'boys will be boys'.

I worked in a school for years and saw many examples of behaviour like this ‘kept in house’ Consequently, said pupil got away with far more than they should have done. I used to wish, for the sake of all the other children, that parents would complain but the school often used to justify injuries etc on the fact that the perpetrator had SEN. Because of this, parents would often back off as not to appear unsympathetic.

Please escalate the issue, for your DC because she shouldn’t have to be experiencing this and also for the boy in question. If he needs proper care and supervision, this needs to be highlighted too. It may be that he’s in completely the wrong environment too. Mainstream school doesn’t suit all SEN pupils, despite the current belief in inclusion for all. I’ve seen too much distress, misery and disruption from all sides because a school couldn’t accommodate or have the resources for some of these children.

Fucking hell. An apology isn't what I would be demanding I'd be going to the damn police . We got the police involved when my child was injured and it wasn't as bad as strangulation.

@VodkaSlimline

Forget about the apology. Call the police and write to the governors/the LEA.

Absolutely.

Go to the police. I never recommend that. But in this case it’s the only answer.

Hands round the throat is often a precursor to inflicting very serious injury.

It’s a very serious assault. It needs reporting.

You seem remarkably blasé, @SpeedRunParent.

Do not rely upon the school to react with the appropriate response that this needs.

An earlier distressing thread about children who are raped or sexually assaulted in school that refers to a TES item:

In the first incident, a staff member saw the children in the corner of the playground – but then proceeded to tell the girl off.

“She was told off for having her knickers and her tights down around by her knees with one of these boys behind her,” Anna said.

On a second occasion, another member of staff saw one of the boys with his head up her skirt. The assistant told off the girl for letting the boy stick his head up her skirt, and the boys were just told to “run away”. The girl was not talked to separately, asked what had happened or whether she was OK.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3364173-Our-kids-were-raped-by-classmates-DfE-wont-listen

[quote EmbarrassingAdmissions]Do not rely upon the school to react with the appropriate response that this needs.

An earlier distressing thread about children who are raped or sexually assaulted in school that refers to a TES item:

In the first incident, a staff member saw the children in the corner of the playground – but then proceeded to tell the girl off.

“She was told off for having her knickers and her tights down around by her knees with one of these boys behind her,” Anna said.

On a second occasion, another member of staff saw one of the boys with his head up her skirt. The assistant told off the girl for letting the boy stick his head up her skirt, and the boys were just told to “run away”. The girl was not talked to separately, asked what had happened or whether she was OK.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3364173-Our-kids-were-raped-by-classmates-DfE-wont-listen[/quote]
Christ alive, that's horrendous!

Kid sounds dangerous.

I raised my kids from the youngest age to know even when playing/messing about you NEVER hit someone in the stomach (especially women) because (and I know this wont be a case with your 12 year old but still) you never know if she could be pregnant (or have medical issues like cysts etc...).

To me thats a pretty serious assault (especially as you said she needed to be medically checked) and the point where police get involved.

@FAQs It's about not allowing a child to be abused or have their human rights violated just because they did a bad thing. OP's DD is just as protected and just as removed whether he's excluded within school or at home - they literally have exactly the same interaction either way.

That's a police matter. Of course the school will try to make light of it.

Assault, compression on the neck - the classic abusive move of men on women. Very rarely hear of an adult male being strangled.

This boy sounds dangerous imo. No self control whatsoever.

@WouldBeGood

It’s a very serious assault. It needs reporting.

You seem remarkably blasé, @SpeedRunParent.

I'm not blasé at all. I'm trying to get the best result from this situation for my daughter. I have now read Kent police's and the Deot. Of Education's policies in matters such as this and they both begin with letting the school determine if this incident is serious enough to progress to the police. I gave the school the opportunity to deal with it and they have failed to do so appropriately.
I have always taught my children to own their behaviour, to admit what they have done was wrong and to apologise to the person they have upset. (Not that my children have ever been violent to another pupil). I just hoped for a strong sanction at school, an acknowledgement that his behaviour was totally out of order and an apology to my daughter. As that wasn't forthcoming, I have requested a meeting with the head. As someone mentioned, the Youth engagement officer could be a next step if the police feel this is a matter they need to be involved in.

@junipertree2

That's a police matter. Of course the school will try to make light of it.

Assault, compression on the neck - the classic abusive move of men on women. Very rarely hear of an adult male being strangled.

This boy sounds dangerous imo. No self control whatsoever.

I hear you. I think I will end up taking it to the police.

I would contact Police, then contact school and ask them why they haven't, and what exactly are they doing to keep your dd safe from this boy.

Something I've taught my DD is if someone has their hands around your throat, make a triangle with your hands as the apex and thrust upwards. It breaks their hold and you can run away. Because strangulation is so dangerous, I'd teach yours.

Ditto & I also taught her to follow it through with a swift knee to the groin to disable them whilst she gets away. Sadly my DD had similar issues with a boy & she used this to protect herself a few times

OP the police WILL be interested at this age, they will have a school liaison office who deals with issues like this. We found them very helpful.

You can also contact your Educational welfare officer & express your fears for DD & how the school are failing to protect her if theres even the slightest hint of more trouble & ask for their support. This was a huge help to my DD

& please don't underestimate how this can affect your DD, no matter how much they seem to shrug it off, get them some counselling, but be aware in these instance where the school are failing in their duty of care, this isn't always the best option

I meant school counsellors aren't always the best option

[quote CopperBear]@FAQs It's about not allowing a child to be abused or have their human rights violated just because they did a bad thing. OP's DD is just as protected and just as removed whether he's excluded within school or at home - they literally have exactly the same interaction either way.[/quote]
copper I don't know as my dc not at this age yet, so how does the school stop him approaching the dd on the school grounds, is he kept completely separate for the rest of their time at the school then?

Strangulation assault is a massive red flag. Have a google

I think the Police is the best option as this is showing a pattern of behaviour. They may well get the Community Engagement Officer in first - it will be a uniformed officer.

This is beyond a little chat with Student Services and organising a slot with the school counsellor. It is assault.

Thank you all. I have screenshot much of your advice ( all mn names cropped out) and will compile the knowledge into a structured document alerting the school as to my intentions. Kent police are asking people to report incidents online if they are not urgent so I'll do that.
Thanks

I would be reporting this to the police LEA and the school governors.
This boy sounds extremely dangerous and his behaviour is not being dealt with seriously enough by the school.
Your priority is your child not what the school think or say.

[quote CopperBear]@FAQs It's about not allowing a child to be abused or have their human rights violated just because they did a bad thing. OP's DD is just as protected and just as removed whether he's excluded within school or at home - they literally have exactly the same interaction either way.[/quote]
That’s rather naive.

[quote CopperBear]@FAQs It's about not allowing a child to be abused or have their human rights violated just because they did a bad thing. OP's DD is just as protected and just as removed whether he's excluded within school or at home - they literally have exactly the same interaction either way.[/quote]
This isn't true. Even on his two day 'in school exclusion' he was out at break times. He is now back in their band practice sessions ( self-organised by the kids themselves, at school but not school run) as the main guy doesn't want him kicked from the band. So now my DD has to leave instead.

My cousin was assaulted by a girl while waiting for the bus after school. It was early 00's and the police were very sympathetic. They went round to the girls house and had a stern word. It didn't happen again. I suspect having uniformed police turn up on your doorstep in full view of neighbours makes you think twice (if your own parents are law abiding citizens, at least).

I think it's important to report these things when they happen. An assault on your daughter might look like an isolated incident but who's to say he hasn't punched someone at football practice or been terrorising a kid at the local park? It all helps build a better picture and ensure authorities intervene at an appropriate time rather than waiting for a more serious incident.