AIBU to expect an apology?

[SpeedRunParent]

DC 12 goes to a naice grammar in Kent. One boy in her year group has physically assaulted her twice ( with witnesses) and has called her a slut; reiterating that slur after the second incident.
The first time he put his hands around her neck and squeezed, leaving her shocked and breathless, because someone ( not my dc) had annoyed him somehow. This is the occasion on which he called her a slut. (Not that it makes any difference but my dc loathes all the 'he fancies you', this one loves the other nonsense).
On the second occasion, same boy ( part of her wider social group) had an umbrella taken from him by two other group members and it sounds like the umbrella was damaged. My DC absolutely did not have anything to do with this either ( the school has assured me of that). This time the boy slaps one girl in the face, throttles a boy and punches my DC hard in the gut - resulting in her needing to go to the med. centre.
The only sanction this boy has received has been days isolating during lessons.
AIBU to have expected that my daughter receive an apology from this child? If a person does not acknowledge their misdeeds and make amends, how is he going to learn not to repeat them?
P.S. there is no suggestion that this child has any SEN, all we know is that the mother says things like 'boys will be boys'.

I don't normally comment on these threads but if that was my DD I'd be letting the school know that it was a police matter (assault) and either they could contact the police or I would.

Leaving aside the fact this is a grammar school because it has literally zero to do with anything...

If the school aren't dealing with this, it's probably time to start involving the police. This wouldn't be tolerated in the middle of the town center so why are parents tolerating it in school?

A false apology isn't something I or my DC would want. Action is more important.

I would be reporting this to the police for a start. That boy should be expelled. After two incidents I could say for certain a child like that would be booted out at our school. Zero tolerance for stuff like this.

If your child is assaulted you report it to the police.

YABU to ask for an apology, I’d be asking for a permanent exclusion.

On two separate occasions unprovoked by your DD he has physically and verbally assaulted her, including strangling her which is a massive red flag for future violence and even taking her life.

An apology isn’t anywhere near enough. She should never have to be bear him again.

bear = be near.

I would be expecting the boy to no longer be at the school to apologise! He has assulted a number of children at the school and the schools response to give a days isolation at school is minimalising his behaviour and disgraceful. I would ask what their safe guarding policy is and also contacting the police.

Forget about the apology. Call the police and write to the governors/the LEA.

I'm skeptical of this because, as a teacher, we're absolutely NEVER permitted to tell a parent what discipline or measure has been taken against any student (other than their own child). Flat out, I have never, ever, ever seen a parent told of another students' disciplinary measures (nor would you be told of their SEN or additional needs) or what their mother says Where are you getting your information from for this?
Regardless, a school cannot force a student to do or say anything - we cannot force an apology unfortunately. Everyone, including students, have a human right to freedom of expression and we have no power to make them apologise for anything (no matter how awful their behaviour was). There are very few options here to be honest: 1. isolate the student outside of the school - often not an option because they won't engage or are at danger at home. School must provide a teaching environment to students and if they won't engage at home then, because schools have an obligation to provide education, they'd need to be on school site. Additionally, many students come from abusive or negligent households and sending them home risks their welfare. 2. isolate them in school - this is what they did. 3. Permanently exclude them - this is a nightmare. It requires many, many, many documented incidents and co-operation with a whole host of people and organisations. Schools cannot just kick out a student - they have to go somewhere and that somewhere is paid for by the school, meaning less funding for everyone else.

Police and governors. Apology is overrated, like he will mean it anyway. Charges or the threat of them seem more appropriate.

After the hands round the neck I'd have removed my child from the school. The school sounds dodgy as fuck not naice at all.

Sorry is just a word he won’t mean it and I don’t think, if he’s capable of violence like you’ve described he would apologise and mean it anyway. However the school seem to be not taking it seriously at all. I was billed by one kid for years. He was a little horror he kicked me, punched me etc and school didn’t bother their backsides this is over 30 years ago…my mum was at that school constantly.

You need to insist school take better precautions to keep your daughter and other kids safe as this boy seems quite happy to hurt anyone if he feels like it. Otherwise speak to the police, I wouldn’t put up with that with my kids, what is a naice grammar? It’s just a school with clear issues about safeguarding its pupils and appropriate sanctions for those who assault other pupils.

Yes, police matter. Get incident or incidents numbers.

Don't be fobbed off. Dont' do anything verbally.

State a timeframe with which you need it dealt with.

If necessary keep child off school.

Don't wish to be alarmist but it could be a blade next.

I'm skeptical of this because, as a teacher, we're absolutely NEVER permitted to tell a parent what discipline or measure has been taken against any student (other than their own child). Flat out, I have never, ever, ever seen a parent told of another students' disciplinary measures

And yet all through my 3 DC's schooling I was always told what discipline the other child received.

It can't have changed that much as my youngest has only just left 6th form.

Eh, what are you on about an apology. Ring the ruddy police. Strangling is serious, he obviously needs help.

Paper trail. With copies

Wow. This is very terrifying and serious assault and I would have involved the police after the first incident. Your poor DD.

@RestingPandaFace

YABU to ask for an apology, I’d be asking for a permanent exclusion.

On two separate occasions unprovoked by your DD he has physically and verbally assaulted her, including strangling her which is a massive red flag for future violence and even taking her life.

An apology isn’t anywhere near enough. She should never have to be bear him again.

This, actually ^^

Police matter first and foremost. Bugger the school, they clearly haven’t dealt with it properly. In such a clear cut case of pupil on pupil assault that is extremely worrying.

A "naice" school because the kids are clever, white or middle class? Doesnt sound very "naice" to me.

Dunno about an apology. A perminent exclusion or a police report would surely be more appropriate if things are as bad as you say?

solate them in school - this is what they did. 3. Permanently exclude them - this is a nightmare. It requires many, many, many documented incidents and co-operation with a whole host of people and organisations. Schools cannot just kick out a student - they have to go somewhere and that somewhere is paid for by the school, meaning less funding for everyone else.

So because paperwork a violent boy gets to stay on school? Blimey

Also punishments handed down in my DCs' schools were also confidential. The kids all knew (worked out) what they were and the parents weren't far behind.

Are you sure you have the full, objective truth? From what you say it could be that a group of kids are picking on this boy to get a rise - taking and damaging his property. It may not be your DC doing it, but you say she is part of the group.

I would expect the school to act, but equally they may have the whole picture and have acted appropriately.

Oh wow, reassuring to know schools won't do anything to stop them expressing themselves. There was I believing they had a duty of care for my child.

Go to the police. It is assault. If you do nothing you are teaching her that this behaviour is to be accepted.

He has put his hands to 2 children’s throats. He should not be in mainstream school.

I don’t see how an apology does any good at all. As if he’d mean it.

He’s a violent bully. Another vote for involving the police today. His mum won’t be saying boys will be boys if he’s treated like the criminal he is.

I can’t believe you’ve sent her back there.

@Hereward1332

Are you sure you have the full, objective truth? From what you say it could be that a group of kids are picking on this boy to get a rise - taking and damaging his property. It may not be your DC doing it, but you say she is part of the group.

I would expect the school to act, but equally they may have the whole picture and have acted appropriately.

What circumstances do you feel excuse someone trying to strangle OP’s DD?