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If you’re thinking of having a baby - don’t

576 replies

Usergenerated186 · 28/06/2021 04:17

Or do. But be aware it may ruin your life.

I love my son more than anything in the world, but I regret having a baby so much. It has absolutely destroyed my physical and mental health, and it’s impossible for me to envisage a time where I will ever be happy again.

I used to be a vibrant, interesting, fun person with a great family life and hobbies, purpose and fulfilment. I’m now a shell of my former self, my world is so, so small.

If I could hit a button and go back to a time before my son existed, without remembering him or knowing he existed, I would do it without hesitation. I regret having a baby so much and I wish with all my heart and soul I hadn’t done it.

OP posts:
Treehaus · 28/06/2021 04:20

How old is he?

Usergenerated186 · 28/06/2021 04:21

7 months

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/06/2021 04:22

I couldn’t read this and run

I am so sorry you feel this way. Motherhood is certainly brutal and terrifying. I remember that trapped feeling very well.

Have you got support around you ? Can you talk about how much you are struggling ?

OlympicProcrastinator · 28/06/2021 04:25

Oh I felt like that when mine were that age. I think the first 3-4 years can be brutal depending on the nature of the child. It WILL get easier and more enjoyable, especially if you stick with just the one. Hang in there OP it’s not forever. Flowers

musthavebeenlove · 28/06/2021 04:25

I’m really sorry for you OP.
There is a huge pressure on new mums to be over the moon despite the first year being very hard for many, many women.

Have you been diagnosed with PND?

Estasala · 28/06/2021 04:27

The first year can be really tough. How is the sleep? Do you think you could have PND?

Usergenerated186 · 28/06/2021 04:27

Thank you for your messages. They’ve made me feel so alone.

I spoke to the mental health nurse recently but it was a pretty perfunctory conversation and she very quickly just suggested sertraline. I took it for a few days but it gave me horrendous insomnia and it made me feel so much worse. I know it would have probably settled if I had persisted but I couldn’t cope at all so I stopped taking it. I have another review with her this week so maybe there is something else I can try.

OP posts:
Usergenerated186 · 28/06/2021 04:28

*they’ve made me feel so much less alone, that should say

OP posts:
Usergenerated186 · 28/06/2021 04:29

The sleep is awful. I know that is a major factor, but it’s so hard to solve and I have ruminated on solutions to the point where it was the only thing I thought about and it was making me feel crazy

OP posts:
musthavebeenlove · 28/06/2021 04:34

Perhaps therapy could be helpful too, OP.
I remember it made a world of difference to me during those first difficult months when someone would say that it’s ok to find it hard and that it’s ok to not pressure yourself to enjoy this time. Do you have a supportive partner/ family / friends ? Talking to them about how you feel can be a great help if they are being supportive.

Usergenerated186 · 28/06/2021 04:35

My partner is amazing - he does so much for us both, way more than his fair share. But I can see what a burden I am to him by feeling this way and I am so so worried about the toll it takes on him, having to be a parent and also support me through this.

OP posts:
HancockScrewedCareHomes · 28/06/2021 04:37

It does get better OP. You need a plan:

  • doing sthg fun that you used to do! You will feel alive again!
  • call docs to replace sertraline if that’s what you want
  • have someone else look after your son regularly so you can take a break
  • tell someone IRL how you’re feeling
  • get more sleep. Nap whenever possible.

Very best of luck. Can you switch the phone off and try and get some sleep? I’m going to do that right now. I’ll be thinking of you OP.
R0tational · 28/06/2021 04:37

He will be more enjoyable when he is older.
Lockdown babies must be sooooo hard.
You need a balance. Will you be back to work soon?
Go back to being yourself and just take him along in a sling where possible. Fit him into your life - dont revolve yours around him!

R0tational · 28/06/2021 04:40

Is he taking a bottle? Babysitter or family to watch him while you nap???

Malibukev · 28/06/2021 04:40

Oh poor you. It sounds like you are feeling terrible at the moment. I just wanted to say that doesn't sound unfamiliar.

I love being a parent, my DD is 2.5 years old and I went through hell and back to get her here but I have definitely had lots of moments where similar thoughts have gone through my mind. I really didn't enjoy the newborn stage at all. I just wanted to say, I do feel it gets better the older they get.

Peoniesandpeaches · 28/06/2021 04:46

While your trying to find an antidepressant that works for you something to maybe try is 5htp. Takes weeks to kick in but I found it really helpful. It’s natural and can be taken in conjunction with an antidepressant (at least according to my doctor).

AutumnLeafDance · 28/06/2021 04:48

Hey OP, hang in there! You've made it all the way to seven months so well done you! Sleep deprivation is appalling but he'll hopefully start sleeping through by the ten-month mark and you'll start to feel much more like your old self. Great if you could get some psychological support lined up soon too. Sending you a big hug ☺️

Dannyandsandy · 28/06/2021 04:53

Just for the record, you don’t need to have PND to feel this way. Having children can wreck your mental heath, your body that you will never get back, your finances and freedom. Women need to be educated about the reality and not be influenced so heavily on social media. I feel for you OP.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/06/2021 04:55

OH you poor love - it does sound like you have PND. Your partner is doing the best he can for you and your child because he loves you both and he sounds like a good'un - you are NOT a burden!

Your lack of sleep is majorly going to be affecting how you're feeling, obviously. Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding? If the former, it might be worth considering a change to mixed feeding, or if you want to keep on with the BFing, maybe see if you can express enough for your partner to do some of the night feeding.

It WILL get better, honestly. (((((hugs)))) for you - hope the nurse is more useful next time you see her, and less perfunctory!

musthavebeenlove · 28/06/2021 04:56

Good point @Dannyandsandy.

I was one of pp suggesting PND but even without having PND it’s hard and it’s about time we stop sugarcoating the whole experience, it can be bloody hard and if it weren’t such a taboo, women wouldn’t feel so alone in the experience.

Marty13 · 28/06/2021 04:58

Hey OP, it's really hard isn't it ? But it does get better exponentially from there. The first couple of years is brutal, but so worth it in the long run ! Try to take it one day at a time and to keep time for yourself.

youshallnotpass9 · 28/06/2021 04:59

Push for a different AD, I feel like I have been on them all and some are bloody awful.

If need be get your parter to advocate for you. As bad as it sounds some doctors listen to men about how it is affecting them then listening to women

IdblowJonSnow · 28/06/2021 05:11

I felt similarly for quite a long time OP. At least a year. I remember after 15 months it got drastically better.
Get help if you can. Many many people react the way you did yo sertraline. Try something else if you want to.
It is extremely likely you will feel much better in the not too distant future so please try to have faith in that.
The first year of motherhood can, and often is, gruelling for so many of us.
Hang in there. Flowers

georgarina · 28/06/2021 05:15

7 months is old enough to sleep train, it should take only around 3 days and it will make you feel a lot better

You say DP is supportive - does he know how you're feeling? Can he take the baby while you go for a walk/do your own thing for a bit?

It does get a lot easier and there are ways to make it more manageable x

Mamamovingnorth · 28/06/2021 05:27

I hated setraline. Please keep going until you find something that works. For me it’s Prozac and I feel like a new women.

Sending love. You will feel better.

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